in Mamas with depression, anxiety, and other mental health disorders

Struggling

I'm 20 weeks pregnant with my 4th and depressed and anxious. This pregnancy was unplanned and had a rough start when I found out at my first prenatal appointment that I had a blood clot. I was terrified and have been anxious since. My husband has been little to no help. He hasn't been to any of my appointments. I'm a SAHM with a 5yr and 18M old all day and a 6yr old who attends kindergarten. We recently moved and i have been the only one unpacking and settling the house while taking care of all other household responsibilities and childcare. I've tried expressing to my husband how I feel and ask for help. His response was to tell me that I'm lazy, that all things house and kid related are my responsibilities, and there's something wrong with me that I need to fix or he's leaving. He said that since he goes to work and earns money that he should not have to do anything when he walks in the door and that the house should be spotless when he enters. I feel completely helpless and overwhelmed, like a complete failure. I'm constantly busy, tired, and in pain from working so hard all day because I am terrified to sit down. He works from home so I'm scared if I'm sitting and he happens to walk in that he'll get angry. I'm always worried about my health, the effect it's having on my kids, and the wellbeing of the baby inside of me. I'm having constant invasive thoughts and dreams about something going wrong with the pregnancy. But a part of me thinks I would be relieved if it did. Which is a horrible thought and starts my cycle of negative emotions all over

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First - I am so sorry you’re going through this. Second - there is nothing wrong with the way you’re feeling. Your feelings are valid. Your husband sounds like a controlling narcissist and you deserve better. I highly recommend suggesting couples counseling. Do you have any family support? Are you seeking counseling? You may not feel this way now because he’s making you feel less than because you don’t “work” but you’re stronger than you think and you can do better than him if he’s not willing to change.

You have an abusive husband. Since I got unwell with my pregnancy my husband literally walks into the house and I hand him our child and go lay in bed watching TV for 5 hours. He cleans and does laundry. He understands that I'm literally growing a human being inside me. The audacity of your husband. I would tell him to leave. That way when he does you don't have to stress about RESTING IN YOUR OWN HOME when you are pregnant. He can pay child support and you can not stress that the house isn't spotless. Life ebbs and flows. You are doing SO MUCH mama. I'm sorry this is happening to you but honestly I'm disgusted with both your husband's general behavior and the way he speaks to his pregnant wife. For real he's the lazy one.

@Julia THANK YOU!

Ummm, im going to try and tread lightly bc you sound like your going through a very hard, stressful time in your life. I'm very sorry for your circumstances. I hope you know that you don't deserve to be treated like that. Your husband should care about your well being and his children/unborn child. Was he always like that? I was in a mentally abusive marriage when I was 17 yrs old which then turnt physical. I was trapped and felt that I had nowhere to go. I would hate if things got worse for you. Have ysll tried couples counciling or anything? Sincerely praying for you!

Yeah sounds familiar 😔 I left him when he asked me for a second baby. I was like heck no I'm 21 and I'm young why do I have to waste the rest of my life on you? I've with my son for 16 years and I've never invited another man to live with us. I'm in a loving relationship now and we have a baby together that I'm also looking after at home 😃 I would make a plan to leave him I know it's hard with four children but it's bad enough you have to live with the memory of being with him

@Jen no he wasn't always like this. It started after his dad died a few years ago and has gotten worse. We did try couples therapy then but he hasn't been very open to it now

Do you have any family support? I wonder if he’s depressed and responding extremely negative to it. I was asking about family support because I wonder if you could leave him for a while to figure his shit out because this is abusive behavior.

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