Mom ignoring boundaries.

hey guys, I could use some advice and words of encouragement. currently 22 weeks + 4 days pregnant with my first baby. it’s a boy! my mom keeps saying things that she wants to do with/for baby, and when I tell her no bc it’s too big of a risk (ie. suffocation, choking, etc.) all she says is “well, i did that when you were a baby and you turned out fine!” and it’s just really making me lose my marbles. specially when I reminder that it is not her place as grandma bc she is NOT baby’s mom and she says “idc, I do what I want”. it’s only making me feel distrustful of her and of leaving baby alone w her once he’s born and idk why she’s trying it w me rn knowing that im essentially going nuclear over baby rn with how protective i feel. i could cry. anybody else dealing with something similar?

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Just don't let your mum get to you it's your baby not your mums baby it's upto you who your baby gets to you

That’s a really common excuse for doing something, I did it this way and you’re fine. My favorite response to it is “I’m glad that you had the freedom to raise your babies the way you wanted to, now it’s my turn to raise my babies the way I want to”
Just because you had good luck when you did something dangerous doesn’t mean it’s not still dangerous.

I think it’s important to tell her that it’s leading towards feelings of distrust because at the end of the day you’re the one that calls the shots and she needs to understand that.

So I am white and my husband is African American and so my baby girl will be mixed race. She has made comments saying "I don't know if I will be able to touch her hair" or "hopefully she has your hair and eyes" or has said similar things your mom has said when I have given a soft boundary so finally I put my foot down hard and said " If you do not quit your micro aggressions and also respect my wishes as her MOTHER, you will not be allowed near my baby" of course only time will tell but that was my experience

I had to deal with that from my MIL. She was feeding him sour cream at 2 months old right in front of me🤦‍♀️I immediately grabbed my child put him in the pram and left the restaurant. “I don’t see the big deal, my kids were eating mashed potatoes and gravy at 2 days old” yeah ur child back when guidelines didn’t exist but I’ll be the one sat in hospital with him when he needs to be drip fed. If u ever feel like someone could potentially endanger ur child, get up and walk away

Is say it's time to set boundaries with her and just have a real open heart to heart! Make it clear you are mama this time and that what you say for your child goes.

My mum has been a nightmare, to the point where she’s told me I’ve “sucked the joy” out of my own pregnancy. I’m 38 weeks tomorrow and I wish I’d been firmer with her from the start. Please, please, set those boundaries with her now or she’ll never learn. I know it’s tough because she’s your mum, but at the end of the day he’s YOUR baby and not hers. My mum is a constant cause of arguments between me and my partner because he would love rip her head off because of how she makes me feel but he doesn’t because of me. Don’t let her ruin what should be a time where you need to do your best to keep calm and look forward to welcoming your baby. I wish you the best of luck with her 🙂

Rather than responding in a confrontational manner (which only seems to get my mother’s back up) I usually respond with something along the lines of ‘actually, did you know that they’ve done lots of research on that subject since we were little and found blah blah blah,’ this seems to work best for me and she seems to accept it better than if I get annoyed and defensive.

My mum did this when I was pregnant. I sat her down after having my baby and was just brutally honest (but in a respectful way) I explained she is nanny not mummy and if she wants to be a part of my daughters life she has to respect my rules, I am the authority in that relationship when my daughter is concerned. My mum was fine with it once she understood my point of view.

I think it’s hard for our parents are for so many years they have been the ones to make the rules and we had to follow so turning the tables I think is hard for them.

As for the “you were fine” situations, I simply explained that a lot has changed in the time between now and then and also forwarded research onto her to prove as much. The whole safe sleep thing I basically sent her stats on SIDS way back when and now and she quickly understood that actually we weren’t “fine” we were lucky nothing bad happened.

Stand your ground mama. Your baby your rules 💖

thank you so much, everyone. all of your comments have been really heartfelt, and my partner and i appreciate it. it’s a bit rough since we are a cuban family and my mom is set in her ways but like you guys said; my baby, my rules. she’s just gonna have to suck it up if she wants to be in her grandson’s life. thank you, again. you’ve given me a lot of comfort!!

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