I think I may have PPD/PPA?

My little turned 7 months last Monday and honestly for the first couple of months, I genuinely felt like “wow this isn’t as bad as I thought it would be!” Aside from general physical recovery from birth, I felt super connected to my baby, happy that both my son and I were ALIVE and healthy, grateful for my incredible supportive husband and family, and overall just pretty good.

The past couple weeks though, I’ve been slowly noticing that I’ve been more tired than usual throughout the day and then wide awake at night. That I’m extremely sensitive and triggered into fight or flight/anxiety when my baby cries and honestly just at night in general. I feel so much guilt, shame and embarrassment about how much I feel like I’m NOT doing enough of or like I’m just failing everyone and everything in my life. And all of a sudden I feel like a bubble popped last week or so and I just cry all the time. Like full body, eyes burning, heaving cry. I just feel so sad and worthless some days. But I know that’s not true?

Anyway, I’m rambling at this point but I’m realizing that I’m really not okay. And even that feels like the ultimate failure ☹️ has anyone else experience this or something like it? Do you think it’s just hormones or is it ppd/ppa? If it’s ppd/ppa - how would I know? How do I get help?

Any words of encouragement, similar stories, resources or truly ANYTHING that you think may help are absolutely welcome. 💓

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Yes! All of this is very relatable. I just had a bunch of bloodwork done because I don't feel like myself and are struggling. My son cries and I go into full blown anxiety. My mood has felt like I'm on edge all the time. Crying.. period is every 20 days now. The guilt, shame, and feeling like a failure despite me doing my absolute best even during these challenging days when all I want to do is stay in bed but can't.. I feel so exhausted, yet at night I'm wide awake.. all night long.. morning comes and I want to sleep, but I can't bc my little one is up. So I totally understand you. I hope we start feeling better soon. It sucks living this way.

Yes, that sounds like ppd. I had it in the early months and it was like that. Theraphy helped a lot.

It’s ok to not be ok sometimes. It’s taken me weeks of therapy and meds to accept that, I know it’s hard but you gotta be kind to yourself. I too spent the first 6 months in baby bliss! Everything was great! me and baby were nothing but healthy and happy and were surrounded by love and support. Then, I started having intrusive thoughts. I wouldn’t wish it on my worst enemy. I spent weeks on a doom loop thinking something bad was going to happen to my daughter until I had so much anxiety I couldn’t eat, sleep, think, or function. I legit thought I was going to die of fear and shame. Two months later, I’m in therapy and on meds for anxiety and pocd and I’m starting to see the light at the end of the tunnel. I know it’s hard but don’t be afraid to seek help, call your OB and let them know you are struggling because it’s common… you aren’t a failure and you aren’t alone ❤️

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