Advice

Ps this is the first time anything like this ever happened he said the reason she did that is because she is so attached to me

You’ve done absolutely nothing wrong. He’s acting like a loser and needs to step up. I’d put some pressure on him

@Aysia I definitely just sat here crying for the past hour while he sits in the bedroom with the door shut wondering how I can be a better mom. It seems like no matter what I do nothing is enough. He’s constantly telling me what I do wrong but never once tells me I’m doing good

First and foremost, YOU ARE NOT A SHITTY MOM. As a matter of fact, he’s a shittier husband for trying to make you out to be the mom he says you are. Marriage counseling, spiritual counseling could help, but honestly, if he’s ok sitting around on his butt while letting you pull your weight AND his while doing nothing, I’m sorry, but he needs to get off his ass and go get the damn job he’s talking about. I can’t stand for anyone, lazy men in particular, trying to put us women, mothers at that, down. They don’t realize what all we do for them to begin with and bring a baby into it, they feel more pushed to the side bc you’re giving more attention to someone other than them. When all of this is going on, they don’t want a partner, a wife, a companion…they want a mother. He’s too old for all of that. I know I don’t know y’all or your story, but from this post alone, I already feel your pain.

Nope. Hubby would be out the door. No job no house help no kid help?!?!?!? You are already a single mom. Kick that looser to the curb

Mama, you are doing the absolute most possible with very little to no support. It isn’t you who should be feeling like the shitty parent. Frankly, how dare he criticize your parenting or anything you are doing when he is doing almost nothing. Although I do not know the specifics of your situation, my feeling is that you and your child deserve more.

And your daughter, she’s probably attached, but at the same time, if you’re her only active parent, then absolutely she’s gonna be attached more-so to you. Your daughter loves you and will continue to no matter what. Just teach her the right ways and remind her you’re always there for her. He needs to grow up (whether he had a good or bad upbringing), he needs to do right by you and your child and show her what a real man, father is supposed to look like and do in y’all’s lives.

So… what does he actually contribute to the relationship, household, family? If the answer is nothing, his ass better be halfway out the door.

@Alicia good question!

Please do not allow this man to push you around! Tell him he better get his ass a job or help around the damn house! And for him to accuse you for something HE should’ve been doing which is WATCH y’all’s DAUGHTER that HE HELPED CREATE! Put your foot down and no hun it’s not your fault. You were trying to find y’all’s dog. If he can’t watch yalls daughter you’re basically a single mom at this point!

Thank you guys. The most he really does is every now and then he disciplines but then wonders why she never listens to him

This man don’t deserve the authority to discipline. He is a man child. You are basically his mother. I hope all goes well for you.

Have you told him word for word how you feel. Even about the little things? Stop cleaning his stuff that means trash , clothes , plates etc. let him see how messy he is. How old is he if I may ask ? I have dealt with the same situation before. Boys and men need the obvious pointed out to them. Like obviously the trash needs to be taken out but you have to tell them. It’s ridiculous I know. And it’s more mental energy for yourself to have to even ask. I get it. You shouldn’t have to but if you actually want help you have to express it. You have to clearly express how you feel and what you need. Also that man needs to get a job.

So update. For those who have asked he is 23. Update on this situation I have not talked to him yet at all instead he came out and apologized for the way he spoke to me and voiced that he understands he upset me and that he will never do that again (this was the first time he’s ever talked to me like that) he reminded me I am an amazing mom and that he is more angry with himself than with me since he doesn’t have a job and he feels useless. He stated that he is going to start applying today and until he does get a job he is going to help out around the house more and help with our daughter while I work. He did state that once he gets a job though I will have to care for her while I work alone so that he can also work. Thank you everyone for the advice I really appreciate it!

Also update to add we don’t ever yell, cuss, scream, etc at each other because we both grew up around it and don’t want our daughter to we do still argue quite frequently like any other couple but when he yelled at me today and said those hurtful things I just thought they had to be true because he never did that before. Idk why he did I think that maybe he was scared that we almost lost her but I am really hoping that this kind of opened his eyes as well and he starts helping me a lot more

Complete turnaround, like a whole different person. I’m glad he apologized without any nudging on your end. Stay strong mama and I still think counseling would benefit you both

Arguing isn’t normal. A healthy couple doesn’t argue frequently. They may have a disagreement about something but they talk to each other with respect about it and it doesn’t happen with frequency. I can’t even remember the last time my husband and I had a disagreement because we handle them with such respect that they are not memorable but I can remember the last time we had an argument. It was about 2 years ago. If you are arguing regularly you need to take a second look at this relationship and see if he is truly respecting you and if you are truly partners. From this little snip we have gotten of your life this relationship sounds unhealthy and an unhealthy relationship is not what you want to raise a child in