Husband’s brother visiting for 2 weeks

I would really like to get your thoughts on this. I’m not sure if I’m overreacting but this is a situation that is making me quite anxious.

Some background information: I live in a 2-bedroom 1-bath VERY small flat in London along with my husband.

I had my first baby on July 6th, he arrived at 38 weeks. My parents travelled all the way from our home country to help us with their first grandchild - they have done groceries, cleaned the flat, taken care of the baby when I need to do something quick, etc. They arrived on the day before I gave birth and will stay for a couple of months. They are staying in our second room.

My husband’s brother came to visit for 5 days on those days on which I gave birth. He slept in the common space (kitchen/dining room/social area) in a sofa bed. It was fine as I spent most of those days in the hospital after birth and then getting readmitted because my baby was jaundiced. He is a good person, don’t get me wrong, but he doesn’t have any kids and is clueless in many things. For example, when I came back from giving birth, he said “oh I didn’t know the belly would stick after giving birth” ???? That honestly made me feel so bad after a tough labour, and also, how are our uterus supposed to shrink that fast? Another thing was that on that same day (1.5 days post giving birth + episiotomy for instrumental birth) I needed something from the heavy hospital bag and there wasn’t anyone around me except from him and he didn’t offer to help me carry it to the sofa, I had to lift it on my own. No bothers given.

He is due to come back on August for TWO WEEKS. I’ve begged my husband to tell him to please reduce his stay as by then, I will still have a tiny newborn that needs to be fed every 2-3 hours. I breastfeed him and pump so having him here for that long amount of time would entail me being locked in my room feeding my child, as I won’t feel comfortable going to the kitchen area to feed him in front of him (where he would be sleeping btw). My husband doesn’t understand how anxious this makes me feel and it’s driving me crazy. He keeps pointing out that my parents are here and that my younger brother will come for 4 days to meet the baby, but for me it is not the same, I feel comfortable around my family and I know that they prioritise and respect my wellbeing. Another important point to highlight is that I’m just taking 3 and 1/2 months off work (for financial reasons), so by being trapped in my room for those two whole weeks, I will lose time that I could have otherwise enjoyed.

Apologies for the long paragraph, I really felt like I needed to get this out my chest and I would really appreciate any advice or thoughts.

What should I do? 😭 am I overreacting?

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You're not overreacting, your feelings are valid and I wonder if you could maybe blatantly tell your husband you don't feel comfortable "exposing yourself" (I know it's not, you're only feeding your baby) to breastfeed in front of his brother? Would your husband maybe understand it better that way???

You are 100% not over reacting.

It’s called a hotel, send him a link.

Amazing parents are staying!! That’s intense and not healthy- you and your husband need to navigate your new family dynamic together.

Cab your parents to hire an air bnb for a few weeks close by?

Your flat isn’t big enough to host

You should be outside in the fresh air, gaining confidence as a new mum.

Your family support is incredible and they sound involved and loving but you have a baby and you need physical and mental space not to be tripping over people in your home.

You have a right to feel how you feel in your own home.

But what I will say is, piggybacking off of what you said about your brother in lose not having kids, he doesn’t know… if he’s never been around kids or pregnancy, and never did the research (which he’s not obligated to) maybe you all could teach him and educate him. You can’t be upset at someone who doesn’t know. If you need something heavy, ask for a hand. He’s not your husband, and not obligated to offer help. If he asks silly or insensitive questions, answer them but let him know it’s not appropriate or there’s a better way to ask. As far as feeding, I feed where I want in my own home. I’d cover up partially, but he would have to deal with it. I’m not saying you’re wrong in how you feel because you’re not, but you’re family at the end of the day and have to learn reasonable compromise.

in our community

Is it bad of me to think this or no?

My husband has been abroad for work (1 day and exploring for 1 day) for 2 and a half days which means I’ve had both kids (1 year and 4 year old) for 2 and a half days plus cooking, cleaning, taking them to clubs, bedtimes!
He came home late afternoon and said I’m so tired, I just need to chill. I said can you wash up whilst I sort kids dinner out, he said he’ll do it later which means he won’t do it and I’ll end up doing it so I said no do it now please otherwise I’ll end up doing it and he said well you have been home and I’ve been away so you’ve just been relaxing.
Don’t know what planet he is on but having the kids alone for 2.5 days is not relaxing. I was stressed!

When he was away, I did miss him and wanted him to come back but now he’s back, I want him to go away again😂
Is that bad?

Post partum dad

I have a 2 month old. A few weeks ago my husband crashed out because he didn't feel like he was getting to bond with her. I started exclusively breastfeeding around that time and honestly didnt see the big deal. Baby and I left for a few days and when we got back home, everything was fine. He was extremely hands-on. He helped with my meals, her bedtime, bath, stories.....for a few weeks it was great. Then he randomly sounds depressed af. He says our lo is better off without him, he wants to sleep all day , he asks me not to watch tv then tried playing a video game. He refused to reply to me when i asked any follow-up questions. Then he woke up our baby trying to race me to the bathroom first thing in the morning . He's doing a weird mix of crying, trying, and giving up. Im starting to feel like I cant handle him not being able to handle life with baby and just want to be alone. Are there resources for men?

Really bothered by this

A friend posted this and it really bothers me because that is exactly how she parents her kid, and it's rather unfortunate because when our kids hang out together, her kid has a meltdown at least 5x within an hour. We have know them for years and it's only gotten worse. My kids will concede to hers, because they don't want to see their friend crying, but it sucks because they give up so much of their toys and enjoyment to keep the peace. We aren't hanging out as much anymore but it's rather sad to think she doesn't intervene more in her child tantrums and just let's it slide

My 2 year old won’t eat nothing but snacks

Is this normal ? He won’t even try anything I eat .. he really only like pizza fries and spaghetti… nuggets and snacks bananas some other fruit but like anything else he won’t eat if try but I don’t want to force him I’m just I feel like bad I mean he isn’t losing weight I breastfeed mostly still

Feeding

My son is coming up to five months and I just started giving him oatmeal and rice cereal. When can you start trying veggies or fruits? I only give him the oatmeal or rice cereal once a day right now which is what the paediatrician had said to do. I’m just curious to when anybody tried anything else with their kids cause my son eats a lot of formula and he’s VERY curious when I eat.

Shift worker daddies - advice please?

My husband works shifts (6am-6pm days or 6pm-6am nights) so when he’s on shift we either get about an hour or 2 before he goes to work or an hour or 2 when we gets home with him.

I don’t think people who aren’t married/have babies with shift workers fully understand the impact of feeling like a solo parent sometimes.

Does anyone have any advice? I do have parents who can help but I struggle to leave my baby with others as I always feel like they don’t understand the need for tracking wake windows or feeds and our baby will not sleep unless we black out a room or go for a car drive . Everyone seems to think ‘if he’s tired he’ll drop off’ - no he’ll just get overtired and have to then pay for it during his night sleep. So I feel like it’s just easier for me to do it all myself.

When my husbands off work he is great but I do take the mental load of telling him what to do or even reminding him of wake windows etc because he’s not here and forgets routines. He’s also being tested for ADHD currently so there’s that on top of shift work.

Just looking for advice on how to stay sane/keep routines or share loads with shifts workers?

Thank you ❤️