Looking for opinions

Here’s the situation, I EBF and initially whilst pregnant, said I would express but baby came out searching and latched on very well and so it just naturally became EBF. Now my wife got very angry/ annoyed about this and basically called me selfish for changing my mind when it was more baby just took to it and it made for alot less work of getting bottles ready etc (especially at night as I was the only one getting up and she’d sleep through and still does). In the early days the midwife and HV both said to not express and let my supply build up and then when baby went stretches to express then but with how well baby was doing they said basically not to bother which put my wife’s back up massively as she kept saying baby wasn’t eating enough (even though she was a regular feeder and for good stretches) and felt like we should just quit BF and bottle feed for her peace of mind.

It’s been an on going thing for ages now with my wife wanting to bottle feed. Now since coming home (she’s been away for a month) she’s again mentioned wanting me to express milk so she can feed her a bottle every day and has now also said I shouldn’t be allowing our baby to feed to sleep. I don’t think any of her suggestions are to benefit baby but rather herself.

I only express in those times when baby goes long stretches but I just find it alot of effort and so it’s not a regular situation and in the past I tried to be more consistent but it was too much pressure and just another job to juggle in the day.

What are people’s views on this situation?

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It sounds if your wife is away for a month or so this is a lot for you to manage in terms of sleep etc.. what works well for you and baby is what is important when you are on your own I guess when she is at work.

I breastfeed, co sleep, give her a bottle sometimes. I don't know how to get out of this stage yet.. truthfully I tell my partner the truth. I am managing our baby, I want to sleep this is what is working for me so I can function.

There is a lot of shouldn'ts I am reading.

Id gently remind your wife about what you need too.

I don't know if this helps.. I hear the same from my partner he thinks we need to express. I get 40 MLS and don't have the time.

she is now back after being away and baby and I had a very good routine. Before she left I wasn’t expressing much just because it wasn’t necessary.

We do the same, only way we all get sleep.

I guess knowing others have partners who also have similar feelings is reassuring but also shows there is a problem with their thinking and understanding what we do day to day and tending to their needs isn’t a priority

I totally get why you're taking a baby led approach, but also understand why your wife might feel a little excluded (particularly if you'd made plans to bottle feed in advance). I BF but also express once a day so that my husband can feed our baby (he really enjoys it and found it helped with bonding). He does all of the bottle prep etc and I just deal with the pumping equipment. I don't know if that would work for you both too? Xx

that is fair. My concern is her patience for things and I don’t want another job adding to my load. As I know she gets bogged down and then things fall to me which I don’t then want to be expressing, cleaning pumps and bottles as well as everything else.

I totally get that - pumping is hard work for sure! I also completely understand why you don't want everything to fall to you as being a mum is tough enough already ❤️. Maybe you could agree in advance who will do what and trial it for a couple of weeks? If it doesn't work then return to EBF? X

well currently it’s been two days in and she’s gone for a nap both days for several hours and thrown off our routine massively and so the whole bottle feeding and me not doing certain things that make our everyday life go by easily. So currently I’m not convinced about me making these changes until things settle

She is the selfish one. Latching is so much better for baby and bottles can make baby stop breastfeeding. The fact that she is even bothered by baby doing what is natural and best for him... it's childish honestly.

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