How to discipline a 1 year old

Oh Dear! I feel very sorry you are going through that.

I am also following if anyone has got good idea on how to navigate this.

Read some books about toddler age. It’s the classic developmental stage of learning the word NO. You have to find your authority BUT you have to find WARM authority, not cold. You sound beaten, step away from the self destruct. Your baby needs her parent to be solid and knowing, firm, calm yet unconditionallly loving (authority and cold is basically like a military person) I’m hearing low authority and probably a switch between warm and cold. Find your loving authority. They need something secure and firm to bounce against. She will test, that’s what she is meant to do. She is learning boundaries AND her autonomy. You neither want a bully or a pushover. Firm and loving

thank you. I did not have healthy discipline growing up and I’m trying to break the chain of generational trauma and corporal punishment. I wouldn’t hit her. I’m try so hard to set healthy boundaries and use my words kindly like “no hitting gentle touches only” and then demonstrate gentle touches by stroking her cheek or “no biting mouths are for eating numinums and giving kisses”. If she hurts herself after doing something I’ve been trying for days to keep her from doing I’ll give her a hug and comfort her and say that was very scary and hurt that’s why mommy asked you not to do that so let’s play over here and play instead of that. But I will admit on days where I’m overtired, overstimulated, and over touched and it’s usually when I’m trying to get her to go to bed and she’s pinching me with her very strong sharp fingers and scratching me I have said in a firm and not so calm tone “that’s enough it hurts mommy I’ve asked nicely STOP”.

If we’re doing something and she starts physically hurting me I’ll give her a couple warnings to stop and tell her if she doesn’t I’ll put her down and when she does it again I will put her down and walk away. I do stick to the if you don’t do this we will do this because she does need to listen. I want to be nice and warm all the time but sometimes I feel defeated

Yes what I’m hearing is low authority and you move between warm and cold. I hear that your childhood makes you want to not be high authority but what you probably experienced is as high authority/ cold. And that’s not ok, it’s cruel. So I understand why you’re trying to do it different, but you’re at risk of being a pushover because you’ve not quite got the recipe right. Low authority and warm is your current main go to. toddlers NEED high authority. Then when you’re tired you go low authority/ cold. It’s not nice, that’s kind of like Victim mode and can usually mean you can be unattached and dismissive. So maybe because of your childhood you never learnt your firm / authority voice? Is there any part of your life where you are in the driving seat,as if so, replicate that energy? If not, you’re going to have to discover that energy. A bit of therapy could help. Practise your firm NO’s in the car, find your voice! It’s vital. She needs firm
And loving. Toddler books will help too.

Biting/ hitting and those kind of things need FIRM voices immediately, you can do the explanation and reassurance later but these are firm No behaviours. Unacceptable. Use your firm and calm voice quickly, explain later. Eye contact / get on her level or hand on shoulder adds to the authority. All of this isn’t nasty, it’s about takin control. As long as you’re not nasty or cold. You’re the protector and the one who keeps everyone safe. Those behaviours are not safe. Do some practise runs when you are alone.

you’ve been very helpful thank you so much

No probs. Good luck. ❤️