AITA? I woke my husband up and asked him to take our 2 year old downstairs so I could "sleep in" without 1 month old baby. He says I'm selfish.

Edit to title *sleep in with our 1 month old baby*

If baby is only 1 month ur still v much recovering. Imo husband should be offering to do it

The people who are saying YTA are so so wrong!!! Not only did you let him sleep while you dealt with both children SOLO but you didn’t complain or make him feel bad for it. The least he could’ve done is be empathetic and understanding.

The name calling is a completely unnecessary and childish thing to do as well. He is TA for calling you names, the freshly postpartum mother of his children who for one of them is the sole source of food which takes IMMENSE energy. Fuck that guy and all the women who think your TA.

You are not! You are doing amazing! You are doing fantastic! And I am so so sorry how terrible your husband is acting. That is unacceptable on all levels.

Why do so many men think childbirth is easy? Is it cuz lots of people give birth? That doesn’t mean it’s easy that just means people who give birth are badass

Your husband is acting like a child.

I mean I would be upset if I was woken up too, but there’s no alternative. You would’ve had to be with both kids while he slept or with what you suggested.

Also why was your 2 year old up until 2am?

she wasn't. She goes to bed at 8. She woke up fussing and then again at about 430am.

He was playing video games while he was literally supposed to be asleep to be ready for the next day to care for the toddler.

No, you are not. I did the same thing this morning with my husband. I have a 2 month old who had a really hard time sleeping last night, so I woke up my husband and asked if he would get up with our 3 year old so I could stay in bed and nurse the 2 month old and get a little extra sleep, and he did and didn't give me any attitude about it what so ever.

My husband takes our toddler every Saturday morning so I can sleep in. Then he goes and takes a nap later in the afternoon. You were up multiple times in the night. It's not selfish to expect dad to, you know, actually be a dad...🙄

Dealing with a similar situation, but we have a 3 week old, 14 month old, 3.5 year old, and a 4.5 year old. My husband will typically deal with the older 3 and let me sleep as long as the newborn doesn't need anything. This week he's been a bit more annoying, saying he's so much more tired and needs evening naps while I deal with all 4 kids while also still recovering while he's at work. I literally do not get any breaks because my older two won't nap and the 14 month old and newborn never seem to sleep at the same time. Oh, and I'm the only one getting up to care for the newborn at night, even though she's bottle/formula fed.

I feel your pain. I'm so sorry your husband is being a giant butthole, but you're certainly NTA.

You're only 1 month postpartum and he thinks he needs the rest more because he was up playing video games? 😮‍💨

To me that’s selfish. If you were both up, there was no point in ruining the sleep of the both of you. You could have asked him nicely. But to wake him up for you to sleep is selfish

I’m sorry what?? He shouldn’t be playing video games, is he a child? She needs to recover and they have two kids, that man needs to step it up. Period. Him complaining is shelfish. I dk how you run your household but that’s unacceptable. It takes two tango.

the way I see it : he blows off steam playing video games and she does so by being in her phone. Whatever each person does on their own time is their problem. I didn’t assume from this that he generally does not help around. That goes without saying that they should both care for the kids

Yeah but she’s 1 month out, she needs to rest and relationships aren’t always 50/50 sometimes their 80/20 and she needed to sleep so he should step it up just like she will need to step it up at times. Respect for the hormonal changes and what her body went through needs to be of top of mind, anything less is unacceptable.

I have a newborn as well and a 2 year old. Like I said: I did not assume that every night is like the night she discusses . My husband woke up with our 2 kids for 10 days in a row. If I post about the one day he doesn’t, you may all think he is an asshole.
Like I said: given the context, no: I don’t wake him up so I can sleep.
We discuss the night before whose turn it is to sleep in the next day.
I don’t wake anybody up because I wouldn’t like that myself. That’s just my 2 cents

Right but give the lady 5 minutes to heal, she needs the sleep 1 month in more than he does.

You have to make a plan the night before. Assuming we both get sleep, who’s waking up and who’s sleeping in? Then, in the event that kids are up all night, the one who’s up with them sleeps in.
That’s usually what we do. Although sometimes it’s like I can’t I feel awful or partner says that. Today he was tired and up with kids so I let him sleep in, and then nap. But I made time to work out for myself. It’s a balance and communication is needed.
All that being said at less than a
Month in you’re still adjusting, recovering, nursing, and baby isn’t sleeping. It’s not selfish. You need to heal.

If you are doing BOTH kids night wakes, he doesn't get to sleep in.

Also, thats not okay anyway. Put him on toddler night duty. You get up to baby, he gets up to toddler.

That’s what I’m saying, 1 month in she should not be handling both. Those first couple of months suck anyway, sometimes you don’t get to play video games because that’s life.

He's in the wrong he's mad you woke him up to help out with his children but would happily sleep in himself to let ypu deal with both of them whilst running on no sleep. Yhe double standards of these dads stress me

I clicked the wrong one. You are not the a hole. He is!

@Marième the *vast* majority of men don't pull their own weight in a marriage esp one with kids, you realise that right? There is a much higher chance she's doing way more of the mental AND physical load all the time, and this is a post of the one time SHE needed a break. Notice how she stayed up not just because she was on her phone but because she was dealing with their newborn and toddler while he was having Me-Time. And she then woke up again during the night to care for her babies while he slept. And the fact that he picked a fight with her and called her names when she woke him up. You really think this is the response of a kind considerate husband and father who shares all burdens equitably? Be fucking fr.

And yknow what, even if every morning she wakes him up so she can get some sleep, so fucking what? She's breastfeeding which is a job that doesn't stop during the night - the most sleep she gets is maybe 3 hours at a time. She never gets to be dead asleep after a solid nights rest so why should he when guess what, they're his kids too! Why *should* she be the only one dealing with the night wakes AND the morning jobs while he gets to be dead asleep for 8+ hours and not woken up by anyone/anything, even if it's only for 1 day? He wants a day off he can hire a nanny instead of whining. He already got a night off which OP didn't get. Hell, I'm willing to bet OP hasn't gotten to have 8+ hours of uninterrupted sleep since before her first child was *born.* Selfish OP my ass. OP didn't sign up for 3 babies. Give me a break.

He needs to help take care of the 2 year old as much as possible while you have your 1 month old

I’m just tired of seeing these posts about dads telling mothers to fuck off, disappearing, not picking up the slack around the house, just not contributing, disappearing, contributing to the single mom departments. And call me old fashioned but my man takes care of me, and he should I’m the one carrying his baby.

I seem to be the one who gets up in the middle of the night to see to my daughter while husband sleeps through. He genuinely doesn’t hear her which really annoys me!! The baby monitor is always on my side for some reason and right by my head so it wakes me up. I’m there with her for an hour at a time in our bed while he’s fast asleep 😴

Not sure if he's twisting your words or if he was genuinely too tired to understand your meaning. Either way I think he's wrong. He stayed up to play a game while you stayed up to be a parent. Plus you had to get up for 2 hours in the middle of the night. So he got more sleep. Its only fair he gets up early so you can do what you need to do.