I’m seeing a guy who lives with his baby mama

What proof did you see lol?

People say they’re done and go back to each other all the time. I would be so careful so you don’t get your feelings hurt.

How long have y’all been talking?? I had a guy tell me he hated his baby mama but somehow got her pregnant again.

Hmmm not ideal, what do you like about him? How do you know he is a good father? If you ended up bringing pregnant for him will you be ok with getting help only summer and holidays? I think you know the answer already but you want to convince yourself otherwise

his baby mama went off on her instagram story and basically confirmed everything he told me . She was ranting about him and basically aired out all their business

a month

you said she knows the truth so what’s the truth ?

The fact he lives with baby and ex isn't the issue for me here, that would suggest he's a great dad and wants to be around and support baby and baby's mum (a positive). The concern for me here would be why has he got 2 exs with babies, especially one so young as 6mo. It would make me question how long and stable the relationships were before having kids, or does he refuse contraception/believe in the pull out method? I'd question his commitment to relationships, what caused the relationships to break down and how much effort did he make pp to protect the relationship in those difficult early months and stressful/hormonal end of pregnancy months? Why is he out pursuing a new relationship when he has a baby at home he should be building those bonds with (how does he have enough spare time for a new relationship with a baby at home?)? Without knowing him, it seems he may have alot of growing up to do. I wouldn't take the risk of being the next 'babymum' he'd have to fit coparenting into his schedule with.

I know he’s a good dad because he’s passionate about his kids . He fought for time with his kids in court and he calls them every day plus he takes care of the one he has with his second baby mom too .

well he says his baby mom that he lives with is mostly the problem . She’s always btching at him and she’s the one who is choosing to leave him . He told me that she decided last minute that she didn’t want a blended family . She would accuse him of cheating all the time and when she was pregnant she neglected him and treated him cold . She stopped having sex with him 6 months ago and he would have to beg her for sex. She don’t give him love or affection so he wants to get it from me

I could go date another guy and he could go back to his ex too anybody could that’s always a risk with whoever you’re dating . He said he’s not even speaking to her unless it’s about their baby

Men will literally tell you what you want to hear. If the baby is only 6 months and he claims she “stopped giving him sex” 6 months ago then I would assume that 6m ago she had just given birth? how does that make sense? Do you really believe she is acting that cold, and was like that during pregnancy for no reason? I don’t believe so. There’s always two sides of the coin, and he prob isn’t telling u the full story.

he told me they had sex maybe three times after their baby was born but she went cold turkey and stopped giving him some

There’s so many reasons why a woman can choose not to have sex postpartum. So many hormonal/emotional reasons. I feel like he’s a little kid that gets frustrated for not having sex instead of being supportive and trying to understand

He’s not the one who went through massive physical/mental changes and literally brought a human being into the world, but yet he’s the one crying that she didn’t give him sex and acted cold. Have you asked urself why? What if one day you’re postpartum with his baby and struggling and he just goes “ah she’s not giving me sex” ?

so you’re saying he did something to make her act that way towards him

Probably.

It’s so fresh and sounds messy I would wait a while till she’s moved out and you’re sure he’s completely over it. Or you could get hurt x

This could Potentially be a very disastrous situation
6 months postpartum with baby momma number 2 and he’s already texting someone else
Are you sure he’s not just looking for another home to move to and potentially baby momma no 3 ?

he said he doesn’t want anymore kids

So you religiously believe everything he says?

The issue is that you'll potentially be his 3rd baby mama sometime down the line. It's definitely not ideal situation for a relationship, I think maybe you need to reevaluate the relationship long term. And some one pointed out maybe I'd question his commitment to relationships too/having a family unit under one roof.

It sounds messy. The woman he is living with BM2 sounds like she would post stuff all over socials about your business.

Also a man begging for sex after his partner has had a baby is a no from me.

She must be so hurt/angry and feeling so much to post it all over socials.

You need to think how old you feel being a step mum, having to cope with 2 baby mums and not have any kids of your own with this man

I would also what to know what went wrong with BM 1

He stopped having sex with her 6 months ago and the baby is also 6 months old? Yeah go ahead and let this one go hun

Bm #1 left him too

absolutely well said.

Something I always look for is if the man is telling me all of the problem was the womans fault and not his. It definitely takes two but you should probably move on because it doesn’t sound like he is taking responsibility either.

Also all the other comments were on point!

The guy is a moron and selfish

how is he a deadbeat. he takes care of his kids there is no doubting that. He can afford being on his own he pays all the bills .

it might’ve been about 4 months ago because he did say They had sex maybe 3 times since she’s had the baby

he told me he doesn’t want anymore kids so I just said ok that’s fine. He told me he actually wanted to marry her so I know he isn’t just going around knocking girls up. I don’t mean to be delusional I’m just trying to be logical. They are broken up and hes not sexually involved with her I don’t see what the problem is in dating him . He said he’s done with her and that he doesn’t even care that she’s leaving him.

If you believe everything he says and keep trying to find a “reason” to be with him, then why coming here asking for advice? SMH

I don’t believe anything I’m just trying to consider all the facts cause I really like this guy he doesn’t seem like a bad guy at all

It seems like you won’t listen to any of dem women giving you advice. Go ahead and be with him.

I think what everyone is saying is that you should aim higher for yourself. It's only 6months he had a kid with one woman and by the sound of thing it's a messy break up. Any decent human being would take time away to reflect and secure stability in his life before embarking on another relationship. The fact he's pursuing a relationship instead focusing on himself shows a weak character and only that means trouble for you in the long run. The decision is ultimately yours, however Everyone on this comment can see the train crashing and you being the victim. If your sister or another woman you love and care about is telling you this, what would you advise them?

This is why there are so many fatherless children running around because us women see a train about to crash and we hop on it all in the name of "I really like him and he's a good guy" but literally turn a blind eye to all tge red flag right in front of them.

Oh nooo

We need to stop making decisions based on emotions and fear of not being in relationships when it comes to dating. Myself included. Am on a journey to unlearn and relearn alot of things.

Stay safe out there sisters.

Are you also 6 months PP? (going based on your profile) Or is that on your profile because he has a 6 month old?

Because if you also have a 6 month old... Respectfully I think you both need to individually focus on y'all kids. A 6 month old isn't a newborn, but still not quite independent enough, and still needs a lot of love, attention and care.

If he can afford to live on his own he wouldn’t be sleeping on his ex’s couch

You're the other woman. You're checking her ig story to substantiate his side of things.. read that again. Your checking her..? Nvm

yes and that’s why we bonded because our kids are exactly the same age . That’s why I understand him because things ended with my child’s father abruptly as well. We get each other and he knows what it’s like . That’s how I know he’s a good father because he is attentive to my child as well and he’s not even my child’s father. We just thought there’s no way we have kids the exact same age and went through the exact same thing with our child’s parent . This is why I don’t judge him for wanting someone to talk to even though he has a baby so young because I’m in the same boat . I’m lonely as well and my ex has put me through everything he says his ex is putting him through

Never trust a men that says the women is the problem without taking accountability of his own mistakes.
His ex is the problem and trust me soon or later you will be and he will be saying that out loud to some other women that gonna believe him.
A mature guy would also recognize where he messed up with the relationship so he can avoid doing the same mistake with you.
Why loosing your time with a guy that lives with another women and has a little baby (if he is commited as he pretends he is, he wouldn't have time to hang out with you...).

I quote: “stop seeing the Good in people and start seeing the truth in people”
The truth is that this man has a child that lives in a different state which means there’s a child out there longing to spend more tome with his daddy and he doesn’t. This is a breeding ground for abandonment issues within the child.
He’s now got another child who’s in the process of leaving and living elsewhere which means his second child won’t be able to see him as much as before either.

Would you be happy if you had a child by him and he hardly saw your child, leaving you to raise a baby on your own?
I’m not saying he’s a bad person. But based on the information you have given and the situation, he clearly could do so much more to be in his kids lives and support the mothers of his kids.

I’m not gna tell you that you can do better. You attract what you are. Until you learn to develop self-awareness, then you can change for the better. Only then will you attract better people in your life.

Beautifully said 👏🏽

Also rereading some of her comments, it seems like he has more than the 2 kids... OP I hope you're really reading and ingesting some of these responses.

it’s her choice to leave . He never left any of his children. Their moms are the ones choosing to leave him so he has no choice but to co parent the best he can . I just saw his baby mom #2 go live on instagram and she’s wearing his shirt in their house. I know that was his shirt cause I saw him wear it before and it was 2x oversized on her. What do you think this means and should I confront him? Or maybe it doesn’t mean anything it’s just a shirt

I’m not the other woman because they aren’t together she’s literally looking for a place to stay

you know the answer to that question. That guy tells you what he wants but to me it's not the truth. He seems like victimizing himself. Like "poor him with all his baby mommies leaving him". "I live with baby mommy because I want to be with my child while banging other women at 5 months pp". Stop lying to yourself and run from him and most of it stop stalking her baby mommy online. She is wearing his shirt in their home.
If after all you want a relationship with him that's on you. But you are the next one on his list.

girl this means being single and focusing on your 6months old child is the best option for you right now. Leave that man in his own mess to sort himself out. Being single is not a curse my darling, it really isn't. But we know you'll end up in a relationship with him either way so might as well tell us all to kick rocks and go get your man sis.

well said.