Sharing responsibilities with partner

I’m in a similar situation, I’ve done every single night since she was born and she’s 5 months now. Even the 3 weeks my husband was off work I was doing mostly everything. It’s annoying but I’ve accepted the fact that he’s working and I’m off. I don’t think they realize how hard it is. Sometimes I want to just leave them for a day so he can see what it’s like

Same situation. Partner works all day 12 hours away from home. When he comes he takes care of our LO so I can finish cleaning the house. Then I take the baby bath her, ( he never baths the baby ) saying is very tiring his work and he does not have energy to Bath her, and if I want we can switch places not understanding how difficult it is. Then he puts the baby to sleep and every night she wakes up multiple times and is up to me to rock and put her to sleep 🫣

Ugh, do you have family or friends that could come by for an hour or so during the day so you could nap? Also, I’m sure he’s tired, but maybe he needs to make dinner. I never really had help from my partner from the beginning, to be honest. He would grab food sometimes, Sometimes he would help with a diaper change at night.

Also you guys need to communicate, that’s the only way it will work without arguments. Just remember it’s only a short time they’re so little and this needy. You guys will get in a rhythm, even if you don’t spend a lot of time with each other for the time being.

Not sure this is much help as I breastfeed so my partner can’t do much for baby during the night! But I relate with how hard it is to function on no sleep. Sometimes my partner will change baby’s nappy and put her back down after I feed her so that I can get some extra rest, but I usually can’t sleep till I know she’s settled and asleep anyway 😅

I think bathing her as a family would be nice for you both and would suggest “taking shifts”. My brother and sister in law used to do shifts with the baby when he worked and say that he would do 7pm until 1am, and she would do 2am onwards - this was Sunday to Thursday. Then Fridays and Saturdays they would switch timings so she got at least 2 good quality sleeps a week of not having to get up with baby after 2am.

my partner did the whole “switch places” thing until I called his bluff and started applying for jobs.. funnily enough he then understood how difficult being a stay at home mum is! 😂

I had this conversation with my husband before giving birth so he knows just because I am on mat leave, doesnt mean i do everything! I have worked all my life and going to work is like a vacation compared to taking care of a baby!! My husband had 6 weeks paternity leave and we shared responsibilities during that time I was quite clear he needs to help out when he goes back to work. I think he could also see how hard it is to take care of a baby. So now he is back at work, I cook food and he look after baby and then he does the cleaning. If it was a night where i didnt get much sleep, he will take the baby for more hours I can get some rest. At night, when baby wakes up he does nappy changes and bring the baby to me so I can breastfeed. After that he will take care of baby for couple of hours. So I would suggest perhaps explain to your husband you are struggling and needs him to chip in with baby work bit more?

I take responsibility for nights and sleep in another room first 6 months as I did with my first baby but they haven't wanted to be held all night. Still, firstly I cook earlier in the day and just reheat at dinner, or prep something that can just be put in the oven like a traybake. Could you do this with baby in carrier, or he cooks when he gets home? Batch cook at weekend? Bathing was hubby's job with my first. Now we have 2 children we do one each. What have you tried for putting baby down so far and what is your sleep routine with her?

I know one day out of seven isn’t much, but could he maybe take the baby all night on a Friday or Saturday so that you can catch up on sleep? During the week my partner usually does the ‘last feed’ which is at 12pm and I do whatever happens throughout the night so that he can then get uninterrupted sleep in the working week, however on a Friday or Saturday he will usually take baby for the night so that I can then get a solid sleep. He also sends me for naps on the weekend or takes baby in the morning so I get a few hours to myself.
Yes your partner might be working but at least he clocks off at 6/7pm - being a mum is a 24h, 365 day job with no days off, it’s hardcore!😂

Becca you did so good 😄. The only way for them to understand how difficult it is, is to be in our place

We have a backwards mat leave here - I only took a few weeks leave as I have a company and employees so my husband is off for 9 months instead.

I am back working part time but we still share the night feeds by doing shifts so we both get some sleep even I’m though I’m working as think it’s fair. He does the cooking and cleaning but we make sure we spend baby’s bath time together as part of our routine then head to bed together before doing the shifts. Our baby tends to feed and sleep at 11pm then wake at between 2-3am then again around 5-6am so we swap daily on who does the 11pm and 5am and I’ll tend to do the 2-3am as I pump.

It’s hard looking after a baby especially the evenings so would definitely communicate how you are feeling x

We're the same. My partner is back in work and sleeping in a separate room, when baby was first born he got up with me during the night but it soon turned in to just me getting up and I was exhausted and causing arguments out of tiredness and resentment.
Now, I usually do the Sunday night to Friday night shift and ask him to take over for Saturday night so I also get the chance to have a full night sleep. Just that one night makes a massive difference for me x