My mother-in-law/inlaws are completely unkind and don't seem to care about me at all.

I've been married to my husband for 7 years, I've known him and his family for 17. I've always dealt well with his mother, who really isn't kind to anyone and is extremely judgmental about everything, and has a very high opinion of herself and her family. But now, it's just really gone too far. The second I told them on a call with my husband that I was pregnant, they never reached out to see how I was doing, how I was feeling, etc. About a month after telling them, I got a letter from my husbands father saying how much they wanted to be involved with the child's life, how hard it was going to be for my husband and I because we are "older" (his words, not mine), how hard it was going to be for me and how much my "beauty and self would be challenged" (this is coming from a man, a man I'm not close to). Anyways, that I shut down pretty quick and let him know I was highly offended and it wasn't his place. He apologized, and we moved on,
But honestly the audacity still gets me. Then and probably worse is his mom, never once checked in on me, and we spent a week with them at thanksgiving and the first thing she asked me about anything was are you going to breastfeed - then when I said I am going to do my damnest to do it, she said well you just have to do it. Just constant little jibes she throws my way, never supportive, like oh "what do you really need for your baby shower, I don't want to get you something you don't need", then before I have a chance to answer, "you don't know do you" with a dismissive laugh. Like this is her second grandchild and she's just mean, a bully and it's Christmas and it's really made me sad. If you've read this far, thank you. I do have my own family who is very supportive but I live in California and I'm distance wise closer to his parents than mine when I'm home (currently on the east coast for the holidays with my family). But I guess if I had a question it would be would you just keep accepting this behavior or say something? Would you try to make a point of calling it out when it happens or have a time to talk to them about their behavior and let them know it's really hurtful, or would you just let it go and stay away from them? Thanks for listening ❤️

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Hi Karis! First of all, I’m so sorry this is happening to you. No one deserves to be treated that way. In my opinion, your husband needs to step in and tell his family their behavior is unacceptable and cannot go on. He should’ve done this a long time ago. If their bullying continues, together you guys should cut them off. My husband’s sister tried to do something crappy to me years ago when we were just dating and I told him he had to stick up for me and shut it down or we couldn’t continue dating. It’s you, your husband and baby against the world now. Hopefully that made sense and helped

I’m sorry you are going through all of this and I pray things get better. I am actually in the same boat with my mother n law and I can relate to your frustration and pain. We can be friends. I never understood mother n laws like this

Girl I am soo sorry.. but if your husband isn’t addressing it you should before the baby is there and you receive more jibes and unsolicited parenting advice. It may suck to do but nipping it in the butt now is my best advice

Give back the cold shoulder they will get it eventually
I’m sorry you are going through this older people have no respect for others feelings

I am sorry you are going through this. I agree you need to set some boundaries because it will only get worse once the baby arrives and they try to put all of their unsolicited advice on you. You should have a conversation with your husband about how you are feeling. He should address it immediately and if nothing changes sorry but you can’t be in my child’s life. Grandparents want to be mean to the parents and then act like a super grandparent to the child. It is not okay I hope it all gets better for you.

I agree that only your hubby should say something to them, in private. As a therapist I deal with this a lot and can say that expecting that they won’t change is one step …keep your emotional boundaries where you don’t let their dysfunction to be polite get to you. It’s unfortunate, yes!

in our community

Is it bad of me to think this or no?

My husband has been abroad for work (1 day and exploring for 1 day) for 2 and a half days which means I’ve had both kids (1 year and 4 year old) for 2 and a half days plus cooking, cleaning, taking them to clubs, bedtimes!
He came home late afternoon and said I’m so tired, I just need to chill. I said can you wash up whilst I sort kids dinner out, he said he’ll do it later which means he won’t do it and I’ll end up doing it so I said no do it now please otherwise I’ll end up doing it and he said well you have been home and I’ve been away so you’ve just been relaxing.
Don’t know what planet he is on but having the kids alone for 2.5 days is not relaxing. I was stressed!

When he was away, I did miss him and wanted him to come back but now he’s back, I want him to go away again😂
Is that bad?

Post partum dad

I have a 2 month old. A few weeks ago my husband crashed out because he didn't feel like he was getting to bond with her. I started exclusively breastfeeding around that time and honestly didnt see the big deal. Baby and I left for a few days and when we got back home, everything was fine. He was extremely hands-on. He helped with my meals, her bedtime, bath, stories.....for a few weeks it was great. Then he randomly sounds depressed af. He says our lo is better off without him, he wants to sleep all day , he asks me not to watch tv then tried playing a video game. He refused to reply to me when i asked any follow-up questions. Then he woke up our baby trying to race me to the bathroom first thing in the morning . He's doing a weird mix of crying, trying, and giving up. Im starting to feel like I cant handle him not being able to handle life with baby and just want to be alone. Are there resources for men?

My 2 year old won’t eat nothing but snacks

Is this normal ? He won’t even try anything I eat .. he really only like pizza fries and spaghetti… nuggets and snacks bananas some other fruit but like anything else he won’t eat if try but I don’t want to force him I’m just I feel like bad I mean he isn’t losing weight I breastfeed mostly still

Really bothered by this

A friend posted this and it really bothers me because that is exactly how she parents her kid, and it's rather unfortunate because when our kids hang out together, her kid has a meltdown at least 5x within an hour. We have know them for years and it's only gotten worse. My kids will concede to hers, because they don't want to see their friend crying, but it sucks because they give up so much of their toys and enjoyment to keep the peace. We aren't hanging out as much anymore but it's rather sad to think she doesn't intervene more in her child tantrums and just let's it slide

Feeding

My son is coming up to five months and I just started giving him oatmeal and rice cereal. When can you start trying veggies or fruits? I only give him the oatmeal or rice cereal once a day right now which is what the paediatrician had said to do. I’m just curious to when anybody tried anything else with their kids cause my son eats a lot of formula and he’s VERY curious when I eat.

Shift worker daddies - advice please?

My husband works shifts (6am-6pm days or 6pm-6am nights) so when he’s on shift we either get about an hour or 2 before he goes to work or an hour or 2 when we gets home with him.

I don’t think people who aren’t married/have babies with shift workers fully understand the impact of feeling like a solo parent sometimes.

Does anyone have any advice? I do have parents who can help but I struggle to leave my baby with others as I always feel like they don’t understand the need for tracking wake windows or feeds and our baby will not sleep unless we black out a room or go for a car drive . Everyone seems to think ‘if he’s tired he’ll drop off’ - no he’ll just get overtired and have to then pay for it during his night sleep. So I feel like it’s just easier for me to do it all myself.

When my husbands off work he is great but I do take the mental load of telling him what to do or even reminding him of wake windows etc because he’s not here and forgets routines. He’s also being tested for ADHD currently so there’s that on top of shift work.

Just looking for advice on how to stay sane/keep routines or share loads with shifts workers?

Thank you ❤️