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Single mums UK

Struggling to accept single motherhood when in love with ex

Hi,
I’ve been made a single parent for around 9 months now. I share a beautifully sweet 1.5 year old little girl, who I share with my ex partner. It was the hardest decision leaving a relationship with my childhood sweet heart, we met when we were 17 and have been on / off since then, now 27. It’s honestly the hardest thing ever, the relationship wasn’t necessarily toxic, nor is he a bad parent.. we just grew apart due to some personal and spiritual beliefs which honestly makes it soo much more harder to process. I find myself really struggling to accept being a single mum, especially as I still really love him. I find myself crying every single day, I find it hard to leave my bed, I’m even finding it hard to bond with my daughter (which I feel terrible about and desperately want to change. I think I’m looking for advice from any mums who have gone through anything similar, please give me some tips on how to get through this unbearable pain. Does it get any better? Will I ever stop crying?
I find myself fearful of the day my ex moves on and has a family of his own,
As deep down I will feel resentment and sadness as that should have been me. I feel terrible for having this thought process and have beaten myself up daily about it, I’m just not as strong as a lot of other single mums who seem to be able to push through and do what’s best. I still desperately want my relationship to work out with my ex, but I’m starting to understand that’s not reality.
I would be soo grateful if you could share your story and how you overcame these things as the sadness is really getting to me.
I should also add I don’t really have many friends and I live a bit away from family, I’m not particularly close with my family and don’t feel comfortable really opening up and sharing with them.
Thank you in advance for reading and hope you all have a beautiful day