Help figuring this out!

If you don’t want to leave just start looking at other naked men… it’s not cheating lmao

For some, that isn’t a big thing. For many I think it can turn into a slippery slope. For me, it’d be hard to look past

So long story short I caught my husband watching porn everyday and following alot of naked women on every social media sight. I didn't no for 12 years he was doing this and we have been toghther 12 year married 7 years he never come out and told me or asked how I thought I would like that. Well I have more respect for him i guess than to do that to him. I think it's cheating. But we all have boundaries. Ares are different and i don't see this working out beacuse it's not far that he can't look because he sees at not cheating and i feel that is not far that I think it is cheating and for him to keep cheating on me. I feel if the boundaries are not that same it won't work. Because i feel it won't stop.

If you stay how do you work it out? It's not far either way.

Is he ok with you looking at and following naked men?

Either way if you’re not okay with it, it’s a problem and you might have to leave

I wonder if he has a porn addiction? I might be naive either by what you describe sounds a bit excessive.

Ya I am not sure. Since I confronted him about it he says he has not looked at them but I am not sure about that.

And yes he does not care if i look at other naked men

I was raised it’s okay to look, do not touch … and that goes In my relationship. We trust each other… and I definitely don’t judge him because I look at women too

It's definitely not cheating. I wouldn't try to convince him it's cheating.

You need to explain to him that to you, its DISRESPECTFUL and makes you feel unloved.

@Ella i am glad to you that it is not cheating. Thank you for your opinion But to me it is cheating.

cheating is a matter of opinion. You might not think it’s cheating, and that’s great for you. To OP it is cheating. Some people think an open relationship is okay and having sex with another person isn’t cheating. To THEM it’s not. Let’s say I let my husband have sex with other women (I would never in real life but for the sake of this example) that’s not cheating to me. So because I feel like it’s not cheating, if your partner has sex with another woman that’s not cheating because it’s not cheating to me . That’s sounds dumb, I’m pushing my opinion onto you.

This is a different boundary to everyone, and this needs to be discussed early in relationships. Porn is so normalized that not everyone thinks it’s cheating.

My husband still checks in with me that I have no issues with him watching it. He has no issues if I watch it.

You need to discuss it with him, share why you’re uncomfortable with it. Don’t say it’s “cheating”, because that’s an accusation and a matter of opinion - it becomes argumentative or may make him disregard it. “I’m uncomfortable with [this] because I feel [this]”. Use ‘I’ statements. Compromise something that’ll make it better.

If you’re comfortable, make your own porn or send nudes or sext. You don’t need to do those things, but find your compromise/resolution. Don’t expect him to make a change without putting in effort too.

Personally I don’t find it cheating. But if he continues to do it knowing you don’t like it then he’s not respecting you. So not really cheating but not being respectful to your boundaries.

If you so strongly believe that he is cheating when he watches porn or looks at naked women, and you don't believe that he hasn't watched porn or looked at naked women since you confronted him, it may be best to leave as the trust is broken and you don't believe that he wouldn't do it.