Need to vent

I’m so over being a single mum… honestly it’s so fucking hard having to carry the load alone..
Anxiety riddled about letting my child down.
I don’t even know myself anymore. I can’t connect with people because I’m so stuck in my own head.
I’m over not being able to be this confident person in front of my child.
She is so beautiful, smart and funny. She is thriving I know.
But I can’t help but feel I am a failure to her. I wish she could experience a happier version of her mum. I hope she will . I know she will.
But fuck getting there, getting to a happy medium is such a struggle .
She goes to her dad’s tomorrow, who has a new partner and a baby on the way and I can’t help but think how much happier she would feel around them.
Like what a kick to the guts. They get to play fun parents for a couple of nights and I feel I get the load 10 fold.

I know this will all be over so much quicker than I realise… I wish to just step back and let the universe look after us as I know it will. I’m doing my best but fuck when will it feel enough..

Love from a tired over thinking mother xx

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I feel this so much-I’m right there with you. It’s exhausting carrying everything alone, constantly overthinking and wondering if your doing enough. But you’re doing so much more than you give yourself credit for. The fact that you’re even worrying about being a good mum shows just how much you love and care for your daughter. It’s okay to feel tired, it’s okay to feel like it’s too much. Your human. But you’re not failing her. You’re showing her unconditional love and what it means to keep going even when it’s hard. You are enough even when it doesn’t feel like it. Sending you hugs and strength xx

It seems so far away but it really won’t be, in seven years from now maybe even less if you get luckier than me…you’ll be like “damn, how did I get through all of that.” When you look at your past and all your moments of struggle or self doubt. Maybe you’ll have more kids maybe just the one but they’ll eventually be old enough to voice to you how they feel and like my 9 year old daughter just said to me yesterday after picking her up from school and going to grab a bite to eat while we wait for brother to get of soccer “thank you for everything you do for me and for loving me and being a good mom.” It feel so hard and impossible in the moment but I can’t wait for you to get there and also meet someone that will love you so unconditionally that they also love your child as much as they love you. I could go on but hang in there, you’re doing amazing and like it was said before…you even worrying about it means you’re already a great mom. 🩷

Thanks ladies for your kind words xx

Emma there are women’s shelters that help with all of that and much more! Even with legal stuff, I recommend looking some up and maybe even calling to speak to someone. I was once there as well in a relationship with a narcissist drug addict who was emotionally very abusive, I didn’t work either and had to stay home to care for my kids when they were first born. There is help and there is hope, praying for you and hoping you find some help soon.

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