Self soothing

Self soothing is a myth. Some babies develop the ability to continue sleep cycles better than others. It's tough but it does get better. My oldest and youngest were sleeping though by 11 months but my middle boy wasn't consistent till he was 3.

It's biologically normal for babies to wake, its an inbuilt system to help protect them from sids.

yep tried music, white noise, a dummy, bum patting the list is endless. He’s only 13 weeks so super young but everything you see online is making me feel I’m doing everything wrong and he’ll wake up hourly unless I teach him to self soothe.

I tried a comforter that I’d slept with (if baby not too young and safe to use) and I tried the sheets smelling of me 🤷🏽‍♀️
We also got a ewan the sheep, he loves it now and did grow to love it from young too.
It’s all trial and error, every baby is different. Do what works for you and don’t put pressure on yourself from others!
It’s so hard, but they’re all just phases and they do eventually pass ❤️❤️
I used to try get in my head and put a little positive spin on it and think this won’t last forever and I’ll look back and wish I still had them cuddles 🫶🏼 (but maybe I’m crazy 🤣)
Hang in there, you got this. They want you because you’re their safe haven xxxx

I also forgot to mention, when it was nap time through the day. I used to hold and cuddle a little less each time I put him down. If he needed settling again, I’d try rock him on his side (in the cot) and tap his bum - before I picked him back up. But if he needed another cuddle, and it didn’t work I’d pick him up and try again next time. I Tried not to put too much pressure on myself. But it did seem to work eventually. And once he had naps down to a T, we introduced it at bedtime, but he was a bit older than your little one when we introduced it at bedtime, maybe between 6-8 months old I think? Xx

Thanks I do wonder if I’m putting too much pressure on myself and him at just 13 weeks.

I’m just concerned as I keep getting comments like ‘you’re creating bad habits’ but I get he’s still really young and probably just needs that extra support.

My first bit of advice is to absolutely ignore what the internet says because you can definitely drive yourself crazy and start questioning your every move (I say this in total solidarity because I’m there right now!)
We’re also in the 4 month sleep regression, and have been since 13 weeks - baby is 19 weeks now. Sleep is developmental so comes with time rather than something that can be taught.
There are varied thoughts on whether babies can learn to self soothe however from my experience, my daughter has definitely become less reliant on my help now.
The method we did was this - I used to rock her to sleep and then she would contact nap on me. Then I moved to rocking her to sleep and transitioning her into her crib after about 10 minutes so she got used to waking up in the crib. Then we moved to rocking her until she was sleepy and placing her in her crib, but keeping a hand on her tummy and rubbing her tummy and shh-ing until she fell asleep. We’re now at the point where we can(1)

put her in her crib awake, and she will fall asleep with just a hand on her tummy. It’s been a very gradual process but it’s way less time intensive and a lot less exhausting now (I was rocking her for up to 20 mins to start with).
The other things we’ve been doing is keeping the nursery dark for naps, using pink noise and putting her into her sleeping bag as like a mini version of her bedtime routine as that seems to help signal to her that it’s time for sleep.

This might not work at all for your little one but may be worth trying :) for me personally it’s helped me feel like I’m in control again as it was really getting me down! X

Thanks really helpful. Will start with trying to get him down for naps and see how it goes!

It’s still very early for self soothing so try not to worry about it but if you would like to start trying then I recommend starting with the first nap of the day as that’s the easiest nap, put her down drowsy in his crib and rock the crib/jiggle the mattress and shush him with your hand on his chest. It might take a few goes but this is how I got my girl to start going to sleep on her own 💗

Sometimes I still have to hold her hand to go to sleep though and she’s 8mo 🥰 x

defo take pressure off yourself and avoid the cons on social media. i wouldn’t bother with a sleep consultant either, it’s a myth in my opinion. all their ‘gentle’ methods still involve leaving the baby to cry for a period of time.

look after the baby you have right now, and don’t worry about future them! it’s exhausting but the time will come when they’re able to get themselves to sleep.

for right now your baby knows that you’ll always be there for them throughout the night or moments of distress, and eventually they’ll be able to sleep independently knowing you’ll still be there! they will learn when they’re developmentally ready.

also you’re doing nothing wrong! i’m in the same boat as you at 5 months. be kind to yourself xxx

I’ve had 4 babies. I dunno if my 4th is just an angel or if it works. But I’ve found paying attention to wake windows and putting him in his bed before he seems tired really helps. He’s 7 months old now. But I feel it’s been helpful from about 3 months.
If I let him get too tired it’s impossible. I feel that’s where I’ve gone wrong before.
I do leave him to cry a bit. But a fuss type cry. Not continuous. He wriggles and moves his head side to side. He has a teddy that he has every nap time. He rubs it on his face and goes to sleep. 9 times out of 10 he settles himself. None of my others did. If I let him get too tired. He cries more distressed and He’s impossible to get to sleep and it can ruin his whole day xx

My little boy is 1 now. He's never really learnt to self soothe and came out the sleep regression just fine. I still rock him to sleep now and will for as long as he needs me to. There'll be a day I'd do anything to get these moments back so I try to cherish them while I can.

That being said, he seems to have learnt to self settle at nursery for his naps so perhaps he's naturally done so, and is just used to the routine at home.

If it bothers you, then by all means look into it. Happy Mum is happy baby and I'm all for everyone making a decision that best suits their family. But if you're wanting to teach him based on what the internet says, I'd ignore ignore ignore. But I don't think self soothing is the key to getting out of the sleep regression, or it wasn't in my experience. Unfortunately just needed to ride it out. But I get that it's tough!

I want to be his safe place, I want to do whatever he needs i just constantly feel I’m doing the wrong thing. It’s good to know the sleep regression can end without him self settling so thank you xx

We all out pressure on ourselves, but just know you care because you’re a good mum and want to do it ‘right’! Ignore them comments, (easier said than done). I always found it’s the older generation who forget what’s it’s actually like when they make comments 😅😂.
Do what feels right for you both!
You’re doing an amazing job, and little one is still very very young! Enjoy it all ❤️❤️

As others have said self soothing is a myth created by people that push sleep training tactics. There is nothing wrong with supporting a literal baby to get to sleep. You’re not making a rod for your own back, you’re creating a healthy attachment and showing your child you’ll show up for them when they need you to 🩷