3 month breastfeeding crisis and/or disillusioned with relationship?
My baby is coming up to 3 months and exclusively breast fed. She feeds really well and also likes to snack sometimes. She also feeds/sucks to chill out. I’m okay with all of this. Recently, my boobs have been feeling very flat and empty, apart from in the morning when they feel slightly fuller. Baby seems to be able to feed fine (takes around 8-15 minutes per boob to do a feed), but now fussy/uninterested in snacking - am I just not making as much milk now? And only producing enough for her feeds?
On a possibly related note, I feel like I’ve been doing everything for this baby for the past few weeks. I can count on one hand how many nappies my partner has changed. He comes home from work, and I’m very mindful about not just handing the baby over to him, so I try and give him some space, but he never asks about her or for some time with her. I’ll normally wait 10 minutes and then hand the baby over while I sort out dinner.
During dinner, baby sits in a high chair while we eat, but if she fusses, guess who ends up picking her up to soothe her? 🙃
She’s started going to bed at 8am and we’ll leave her in the bedroom while we watch tv downstairs for another couple of hours. Part of the nighttime routine is that my partner gives her a bottle, but the past few days he hasn’t even done that, meaning he has no part of bedtime whatsoever.
Weekends are no different. Baby is attached to me constantly as she contact naps during the day (I use a sling so I’m not bothered about it), but he seems to have no interest in wearing the sling and taking a nap shift.
Despite all of this, I don’t resent the baby care. I love being with her and I love being able to tend to her needs. But I’m worried he is getting zero bonding time with the baby, and I’m worried about resenting him (I’m also concerned that these feelings are having negative effects on my emotions/milk supply)
I’m going to try and talk to my partner this week about being more involved. I’d be interested in hearing if anyone has had any successful conversations like this before. And also will getting more help and feeling like a proper team put my milk supply back to how it was orrr is this just how my breasts are going to feel now - soft but still milky and efficient?
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I heard this is normal for breasts to feel this way as they get used to the supply of milk. If worried about your supply I heard that skin to skin with baby can help to increase the supply. Also, same situation I’m in and have been in with my first born but then he got better as they got older & into toddler stage a lot more hands on
more skin to skin is a great idea, I always forget about that hack. I’ll give it a go to see if it does anything.
And my partner is so good with toddlers/young children in general (better than me for sure) that you’re probably right about that. It just makes me sad at the moment.
Breastfeeding is based on supply and demand so the more milk you remove the more your body will produce. When your baby breastfeeds he is telling your body to produce more milk. I only ever felt full/engorged in the early days when my milk first came in and I breastfed for 2.5 years.
I think just have a chat with your partner about the way you’re feeling. Maybe see if he’ll look after the baby while you take a bit of time to yourself?
to be honest, I don’t think it’s time to myself that i need. I’m more than happy to hang out with him and the baby, I’d just love to not necessarily the primary caregiver when he’s also there for once. If the baby has been fed, there’s nothing stopping him from doing anything that I would do. A bit of initiative would go such a long way at this point
My hubby had problem when she was infant but I would try to make then do skin at least a little even if held her for him that seemed to help as she got older they play so much and bond in their own wayb
You want him to want to spend more time with the baby because you fear he won’t bond with her.
It might help to shift your perspective:
What IS he doing that is supportive for your family?
Oxytocin is the bonding hormone: Research is showing women bond with their children/release oxytocin when loving, caring, cuddling with their babes. Men release it when they play with the child..,Which gets easier as the child is more interactive…
If you do have a desire for YOURSELF, ex self care, or time to go out, state it. If you are trying to sway his actions to fit into your fear it will likely create resentment.
It’s totally normal for breasts to feel less full as baby gets older and your supply regulates. Have a look at this article from a lactation consultant x
https://www.emmapickettbreastfeedingsupport.com/blog/low-milk-supply-101
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