Toddler won’t settle

How old? What's the routine for the day, waking, naps and bedtime?

He’s 2 years 6 months now, wakes at 6:30 sometimes 7 but rarely

Nap time : usually 5 hours after he wakes so about 11:30/12
He wants a nap but like bedtime he would scream so he’ll refuse a nap majority of the time I’ll instead do a calm down session whereby he’ll just chill in my arms, in a dimmed room just chilling- if he does end up napping, if I moved to put him down he’d wake up immediately crying holding on for dear life.

He naps no longer than hour usually but I adjust the length of the nap depending on how early he woke up in the morning

By 6/6:30pm we begin his bed time routine, change into pjs, sleep sack (he still uses one) offer milk but now doesn’t want that, as I change him, give a speech lol to explain what we will do- we will read a book and go upstairs have some cuddles then lay down for sleep. Dad usually takes him up to go bed lately he’s fighting, we tried to change roles see if that helps but instead he screamed worse(I’m the comfort for him)

It might be that he's fighting cos he's not tired enough. May be ready to drop the nap completely.

If you don't think he's ready to drop it then I'd be pushing bedtime later if napping 12-1 starting bedtime at 6/6.30 sounds too early to me.

Usually you'd want 6-6.5 hours awake after nap before sleep.

He’s very exhausted, by 5pm he’s climbing on me with his dummy to fall asleep - even when he hasn’t napped at all he still screams - the screaming will go on for a good 3 hours sometimes 2 so the time he actually ends up sleeping with or with nap it’s nearly 9pm! 😭

Then I'd say it's the opposite and he's overtired by bedtime. If he's tired by 5pm take him upstairs for bedtime. Waiting another hour plus will be causing the cortisol levels to go up and mean he's struggling to switch off.

Sounds like he's shattered so wants closeness with one of you to fall asleep and picking up means he starts feeling that and settling down and is then put down which causes frustration and resets the progress.

If possible I'd try laying next to him to give the contact until asleep.

I understand what you’re suggesting, but I don’t think it’s an overtired or a not so tired situation, he’s been a fantastic sleeper before with the same routine that’s been adjusted over time. I’ve tried laying with him and he will fall asleep completely knocked out but the minute I move he screams hysterically, he screams for me, even when his dad takes him to sleep he will scream for me as if someone’s ripped him away -

could this be separation anxiety? And is it normal to be this bad if so

- during the day, he’ll cry if I leave the rooms I can’t leave the house without him (he screams) even at my mums house if I left him he screams and doesn’t stop - is this a normal level of separation anxiety, I feel at naps and night time he thinks I’ve left or something

How long do you stay laid next to him before moving away?

My daughter screams if dad tries to put her to bed (my daughter is almost 3).

It could be separation anxiety. Has anything else changed recently?

It does sound at an extreme level to me.

I’ve stayed wait till he’s completely knocked out, I don’t get up immediately I edge away slowly to see if he’s actually knocked out and he won’t flinch, but the minute I’ve moved in his head too far away he’s popped up out of no where and grabbed me saying no mummy

Nothings has changed, he’s always been a very clingy child to me, has favoured me more than dad - and for about 6 months dad was doing the night time routine of putting him down - now, he just wants mummy and doesn’t wanna go sleep as if he’s never gonna see me again!

And I agree it’s very extreme!

What kind of bed is he in?

he hated a cot - from 4 months we co slept - so we have a big play pen on the floor with a mattress in it - once he reached 1 year - he slept alone but still wants a bottle (habit) so on and off co sleep - then by 18 months he slept though the nights so no longer needed us - and had been amazing up until now, the change is so sudden and can’t seem to figure out why his clingyness is so extreme

Could it be time to just have the mattress and no pen so that he knows he can get to you if needed?

this I might actually try! He may feel trapped hmm, thank you for the suggestion because I didn’t even think of that maybe he’s ready for this transition! Thank you xx

You're welcome. Happy to chat further if you need anything 😀

Does he have a nightnight of some sort? Music playing? Whitenoise?

We used to have a nightlight, music and whitenoise and then later my daughter said she doenst want the music as its annoying and the qhutenoise scares her and the light wasn't bright enough, but all these only came when she was able to speak more.

Now we have a dinosaur egg. It rotates with dinosaurs on her ceiling and comes in different colours. When she goes to bed, it is red, once she is asleep, we put the top of the egg on, so it's dimmer and no rotation.

I so now play her these bedtime stories .

She is fast asleep in under 10mins now!

https://open.spotify.com/playlist/66Np1EGOCdMxlgZUq3p1hk?si=1EEmCklxRtWZRxRzY34ibQ&pi=Q017R__sRQSy3


We still have whitenoise, but it's waves and she chose it and no more music.

This has made a big difference for her.

Oh and she moved to a toddler bed when she was 18 months.
She is now 3.5.

I also taught her that she can get out of bed any time she wants too, but she has to ask first.

I was thinking about changing a few times to see if that makes a difference, he has white noise no night light he has his egg thermonitor in the room that’s an orange colour usually

I was thinking a toddler bed for him instead as the first step
To see if that made the difference ♥️