Is it just me?

Honestly you rather have a partner that works and is passionate about something rather than a bum.. in my opinion.. and I would just talk to him about the sleep so he understands

I, agree with flower. Although you feelings are valid and heard I do understand where you’re coming from.

Since dad can’t help is there another family or friend whom could take the littles for a little while for you? That way you can decompress and take some breathers.

I find my husband's job difficult. This is his first year teaching. He leaves the house before the kids are up and is back by 6pm for dinner. He does bedtime with our 3 year old and shares parenting on the weekends but basically all the house stuff is on me. Thankfully he finishes in 6 weeks and hasn't found another post so he's going to be a sahd for a while. I think farming is a lifestyle so I'd find it hard to ask him to change that but you do need downtime. Does your 3 year old get the 15 hours yet? Can he deal with 3 year old night wakings so you are dealing with one child each? Can he take the baby a few mornings regularly so you can get a lie in?

I've spoken to him about the sleep before, but once he is asleep he is dead to the world and nothing wakes him up, not even the baby crying in bed when I'm feeding her, I live with my mum and grandparents and they help during the day and he helps at weekends but he has a short fuse and often clashes with the 3 year old and they end up winding each other up, no matter how many times I diffuse the situation.

He used to do bedtime with the 3 year old before the baby came along and now I end up doing bedtime with both kids, her first and then the 3 year old about an hour later because my husband is too wound up and the 3 year old doesn't want anything to do with him

I'm lucky if my 3 year old does 10 hours, he doesn't nap during the day he's up at half 6 and doesn't stop until bedtime at half 8

sorry I didn't mean 15 hours sleep I meant the 15 hours funded childcare the term after they turn 3 so you get a bit of a break from one child anyway.

ah yeah that sounds pretty unhealthy if he can't manage his own emotions. Obviously we all snap sometimes but if he can't ever cope with doing bedtime for the 3 year old now I think that's a big issue.

ahh right, yes, the 3 year old goes 4 mornings a well to nursery

There is still little parity in relationships when kids are involved, whilst I'm sure he is a good dad, you need to talk to him about all these feelings and see if you can come to some kind of agreement to balance the load a little when he returns from work. I'm 3 kids deep and we have had the same issues and without chatting about it just builds and builds and resentment isn't fun for anyone. You could be armed with some suggestions of ways he could help lighten the load. As suggested by me, now my husband will do dinner he often does bath time and he takes the kids out to the park/garden to play some evenings so I can have 30mins to myself, we each have a hobby we do one night a week I swim and he plays 5 aside football, on each night the other is responsible for children from feeding to bedtime. I'm sure there are ways that he could help lighten the load so you both get down time and even get that down time with one another.

I hear you, my partner is a tree surgeon so his days can be hard, dangerous and exhausting. Often he’ll come home ruined from a hard day and I’m desperate for a break but feel guilty asking him because he also needs a break too. It’s hard because his job is dangerous whilst I’m tired after a hard day with a baby, I can take it slow, he can’t. No advise, I just sympathise I know how you feel xxx

My partner works a fairly boring 9-5 job from home. But his 7:30 alarm always wakes the baby too. And like yours he’ll just walk out and go shower when baby cries because baby is ‘my job’. Similar as well at night I do the feed and he barely even hears baby. And again he finishes work late always because he takes too long on lunch or too slow to start in the morning! And then after work he does some errands and chores of his own. Then he cooks us dinner as I’m a dreadful cook. So , I basically have no time off. 😆 but at least I don’t have to cook hahah. Then we usually take it in turns to do bedtime.

Anyway , he is a great dad when he is involved and he’s a great partner … so I just think the other stuff is par for the course if not a bit annoying sometimes … 😐

Thanks everyone, I just needed to vent and I've spoken to him and as he starts on a new farm Friday we are going to see what happens and how he is feeling once he is settled and hopefully we can sort out some form of balance between us so I get my downtime as well