venting

i need to vent. please feel free to tell me i’m overreacting or give advice.

i had my baby in late feb & she was five weeks premature and spent a week in the nicu. after getting discharged we were told to rush her to the ER at her first pediatrician appt and had to follow up with a cardiologist. she also had trouble gaining weight so that was some work at the beginning as well. at her 4 month appointment this past week we were told she needs to be seen by a neurosurgeon, so i’ve just had anxiety about her wellbeing from birth for good reason. she’s great overall, an angel baby - gaining weight and sleeping through the night since 8 weeks.

i went to work after 14 weeks and have on average a 1hr 15 min-30min commute each way. i leave before she wakes up and only sometimes get to hold her and tell her good morning. i get home after 6pm and she has bath time at 6:30 and i nurse her at 7 then she goes to sleep. so i get an hour and a half with her monday-thursday. friday i work from home so get more time in the afternoon with her.

today’s saturday and she woke up around 37 min into her first nap which is typically an hour-hour and a half. at her age she’s learning to connect sleep cycles, and i was watching her on the monitor. she was settling back in but her eyes were opening so as i was watching before i got to say anything my husband went in there so fast and opened the curtains and started to take her sleep sack off. i was so annoyed that he didn’t ask my opinion or what i thought before doing so. i would have told him to hold on a sec or just pat her cribside for a min.

i know he was just trying to help before he had to log on for work, i just feel like i barely get to be a mom. she still breastfeeds and i pump at work even though it’s stressful to fit in between meetings because i feel like i’m doing something for her while i’m away for so long.

i would do anything to be a SAHM but i’m the breadwinner. and truthfully i hate my job now. i just feel stuck. and feel like i’m not doing enough and i hate this feeling. i love my baby so much.

thoughts?

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your feelings are valid. you are a new mom so you must be feeling all kinds of emotions. Granted your husband was just trying to help but I understand you felt a certain way about the situation and it's valid. have a chat with him and talk through how you are feeling to avoid resentment. As a mother who is also a provider for my family, i completely get it.

thank you ❤️ i know he’ll understand & he knows i’m struggling to balance everything, i just don’t want him to feel like he’s walking on egg shells when it comes to being a dad too. i just thought we were on the same page there. i’ll talk with him

maybe try to write down the sleep schedule, and have a open minded conversation with your partner, It’s so hard to get a little one into a routine sometimes, and it can be easily broken and needing to be restarted. You deserve rest just as much as anyone else too.

maybe try to plan oit when naps are due and openly explain your emotions and how you feel it’s in everyone’s best interests.

my mum does it all the time to me ( as i live with her ) my bubs will be in his cot, just singing to himself , when he’s due a nap. and she will be like “babies awake im going to go get him” and im always on the brink of tears because i need a break, and the last thing my baby needs is to be stimulated when he’s learning to self soothe. i’m here if you need anything! don’t hesitate to pop me a message x

Returning to work 14 weeks postpartum sounds like you used FML and two weeks vacation. I would talk to a provider about your mental health struggles and see if they recommend staying home for postpartum anxiety. Research your short-term disability for your state if you qualify.

It’s an hard conversation but your employer needs to hear that you returned to work too soon and your mental health is struggling (get the diagnosis before this conversation). Maybe they can accommodate with more WFH days or dropping down to part-time.

Really talk with your husband about downsizing where you can to take some of the pressure off of your finances.
Sorry the American system sucks.

in our community

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Rant/WWYD

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Sleeping bag

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i just want someone to talk to😔😔😔😔

when things get hard i have nothing not any support from my partner im convinced he doesn’t even love me anymore but thats another story
I have a 3 yo and a 2yo that are in bed sleeping only just now. I have a 1 yo that’s been sleeping from 8 o’clock to 10 o’clock. I just gave her her milk and she would’ve gone back to sleep if it wasn’t that
I lost her dummy earlier in the day when I went out
so now she won’t go back to sleep and she won’t accept any of the other dummy’s i have!😔😔and it’s 10 o’clock and I’m gonna be up until 3 o’clock with her and when she does want to go to sleep i won’t have any dummy to give her she will accept and she won’t sleep without it i just wanna cry 😔i have nobody to talk to and i feel so alone i get no support from anybody i’m so tired and i don’t feel well to top it off😔

Leaky nappy help

What nappies are you using to stop leaks?? We use pampers ultra dry size 5, and for the past few nights he has lashed through and we’ve had to completely change him during the night. Last night he leashed through twice!! He sleeps on his front and stays leaks through at the top of his leg where the tabs connect. Didn’t know whether to size up, he has a bit of a belly on him but he’s smack in middle of weight guidance so shouldn’t need too