Should a mom on maternity leave have help from her husband with the house and the kids regularly?

Absolutely should be helping and I wouldn’t even call it helping — more like being a father and partner because that’s the role he chose. That shouldn’t even be a question. My fiance bought a business 6 months before I gave birth, then while I was on paid maternity leave, stayed home with me for the first 4 months to “help”. He moved his office home so he could support us. I’d have a long conversation with him about this, because something isn’t aligning - this all shouldn’t fall on you. Also, when you do go back to work, is he suddenly going to pitch in or is this still all going to fall on you? Hang in there mama

Youre on maternity leave partially to literally recover from a grueling medical process. And then take care of a newborn you both created (albeit you already put in more work it’s his time now haha). You ain’t on vacation! Yes he should help. ESPECIALLY if you are still providing the income. He’s not busting his hump to take care of his family financially or physically

Outside of work hours, we split everything 50/50. So we both are present as parents when we’re not at work, we split household chores more or less 50/50. Including when I was on mat leave, if anything he helped out more so I could actually get some sleep here and there.

I’m sorry you’re not being supported and it’s very childish and inappropriate for him to stay out for days without communicating with you ♥️♥️

No. A husband shouldn't be "helping." He should be parenting and doing his part to maintain the home. It's a partnership and parenting. He's not "helping" when he's home. He's parenting.

Half the home is his responsibility as is half the parenting that’s what he signed on for I told mine when we had this fight that if he were single he’d be doing 100% of the household stuff, the working, the paying bills and the child parenting when he had them……sooo I have a list of daily chores up and they get checked off daily and I have a list beside it of things that need accomplished outside of normal duties so no one can say they didn’t know what needs done….he needs to be there for the family and it doesn’t seem like that’s what’s happening

So many men see staying at home raising kids as easy and going out to work hard but tables turned they can’t swing it they also belittle that because they’d love to be at home doing what I want when in reality you’re not doing whatever you want haha plus you’re healing

He absolutely should be helping! Even if you were a SAHM and not just on maternity leave he should be helping!!! Parenting is a team effort! Housework should be too! And if you’re the one still footing the bill he can just sit down and be quiet lol sounds like he’s feeling a bit insecure perhaps and taking it out on you? When I was on maternity leave, I did do all the night wakings since hubby had to be up to work but that’s it. He still came home and cooked dinner and helped clean every night because I was looking after a baby and a toddler all day!!!! So ya he’s very wrong.

Well the other question that comes to mind when reading your post is, does he want to pleasure himself or find companionship in somebody else who doesn't care about him? Or does he want to continue to build per his vows with a companion that's his life partner who has birthed life and expanded the family. Because at the end of the day you didn't make that baby yourself and if you want to throw a fit then maybe you should think about when he decides to pleasure himself by himself.

Yes he should help. It’s his household that he’s a part of. That’s boy who wants you to mother him, not a man

You absolutely should have help. For example, I am 4 days post partum. My only responsibility in our house has been the baby. My partner takes care of our 4 year old, the house and the dogs. I haven't had to do anything other than care for the newborn. You need a new man.

Oh mama.. this hurts my heart FOR you. So sorry you’re going through this. This is so wrong. Especially staying out wtf. Sending love mama & hope this man gets some clarity and sense knocked into him

he returned to work 4 days postpartum after a C-section. Mind you, he had just opened his business at that time and needed to be present - I get that. But he’s seldom home and when he is he’s usually sleeping; and not nighttime sleeping - he comes home anywhere from 12-4am and sleeps well in to the morning/afternoon and gets upset when the kids are loud.

For more context: I have 3 children from a previous relationship and was “done” having kids. He always refused to wear protection and now I have a daughter (8 year difference between the kids) which whom I love. She really is an amazing baby. But it seems to me like he wants to have a wife and children, but doesn’t want to BE a husband and a father. I’m not sure how to handle this. He had stated before that I would have it so much harder without him and that it’s “enticing” to him to only have to worry about him and his daughter as opposed to me and my other kids. But honestly, if I’m caring for and providing for everyone (including him) then I would actually be better off, financially anyways, without him since he doesn’t contribute….to anything, really.

Ok, so Incog, you might not like what I have to say but I need to be really really honest with you. So first you have 3 children prior to this marriage. Ok. Was he actively involved as a parent with them, prior to you having this baby? What made you marry him? Was he displaying husband and father behavior? You said you were done with kids and he refused to wear protection. We as women control sex. So was birth control not an option for you? Because him not wanting to respect you being "done" with kids and not wearing protection, tells me he doesn't respect what you say, but also you lack backbone. You continued to have sex with him regardless.

Major red flag when he says it's enticing that he only has to worry about him and his daughter and not you and the other children.
This does not sound like a marriage that will last unless you don't care about how you and your children are treated. I would cut ties and pay for help during the most busy times of the day.

You sound like you are better off alone without him. If you are indeed able to take care of everything without him, what is he there for? This does not sound like a real partnership. I'm sorry you are going through this. But unfortunately we as women often make poor choices and ignore red flags because we love a man. Don't let your other children see this as an example of "love and relationships"

I personally would not be with someone that didn’t treat my son with my ex like his own….

Oh, baby girl. I say this with all the love in my heart: run. Run far and run fast. That sad excuse for a man does not respect you, does not understand what it takes to be a parent, and is making it damn clear he doesn't actually want to be a parent. You're already doing it without him. Stop supporting him financially and move forward with your beautiful children because they are what matter.

@incognito oh you poor thing. I also had a c-section and I could not imagine going through recovery alone. I can't even get out bed without help, let alone take care of a newborn and a 4 year old and keep the house up. You may as well leave, you're already a single parent.

We didn’t live together until after we were married so I didn’t see the full picture until then. We married back in February of this year and my daughter was born in March. He wasn’t an “active parent” per se with my other kids, but would offer his opinion and thoughts on some matters. Their father is active in their lives, so this was never a role I impressed on him nor did he take it on at that time until he became an actual step parent.

Denying him sex or demanding protection always led to a fight with comments like “I could get it elsewhere”, “I didn’t sign up for this to wear a condom”. And yes, admittedly, I lacked enough self esteem and self love to walk away when I should have. That’s on me. I once had that in me and the version of me before falling for him wouldn’t have put up with any of it.
I don’t know when I lost myself exactly, but deep down I can feel myself slowly resurfacing.

Wow, ok so then that is truly your fault when it comes to him being a parent to your children. Just because they have an active father doesn't mean he doesn't have to do anything. He essentially spends more time with them, because yall all live together. You didn't make your children a priority for him. Marriage shouldn't have been the time for him to "turn into a parent", he should be showing those traits and interests prior to marriage, so you know he's a good fit. Yall are living in the same house, you want a man who cares for everyone in it. As someone who grew up with a step father and didn't always have the best relationship with him I said I would never want that for myself/ future children. I ended up being a single parent of two children and ended a relationship with a man because of the lack relationship/connection that was developing with them. I knew that if we married, I would continue to be a single parent. Right now, this man has you being a single parent.

As far as the whole sex situation, nahhhh he does not respect you and knows you have low self esteem when it comes to him for some reason. Because what do you mean he's told you "he could get it elsewhere"?! I'm outraged for you. I would tell him ok so go get it. And be done with him. Please please love yourself more and divorce this man. You'll be ok without him. And seek therapy.

Ewwwww that’s brutal. That’s such an awful mindset. What’s wrong with some men. Once he’s home from work it should be 50/50. You should be a team

Your time during maternity leave is to focus on resting healing and taking care of the newborn. Everything else should be delegated to family friends and husband

Your job is 24/7. I’m guessing his is not?

Also what Botanical said - your body is recovering from a life changing event. If your husband had (random example) his legs amputated, would he want time to recover, not just business as usual?

I’m sorry your going through this having a kid is 2.5 jobs, my partner paid for nothing and had maternity leave and did nothing. Problem is I am with a loser but didn’t marry one, both are terrible…. I’d be rather be a single mom

He is being abusive my lovely. I am experiencing similar with mine. They are selfish man child’s incapable of having any empathy in such a vulnerable time for us. This is not what a man should be doing. Good luck with things, my inbox is always open if you need to vent x

Yes. Zero discussion

Yes! I find it hard to believe that anyone would think that bringing up kids is a one person job. I know that men still too often do. But there's definitely nothing wrong with you for wanting some help.