Would it be better to go to the wedding first or the birthday party? Helpppppp

I know you said you don’t want to do this, but I feel like him going to the wedding and you going to the bday party makes the most sense. Plus it’s way easier logistically.

The actual ceremony would be most important to attend but you’d also need to be at the beginning of the birthday party since it’s a surprise, so I feel like there’s no great way to be at both.

Is the wedding just the after party celebrations? Will dinner be served?

I know you want to go to both events but I think you’d end up pissing off both people, regardless of what they might say about being ok with you leaving halfway through/turning up late, privately they’ll likely be annoyed at you and harbouring resentment.

My suggestion would be your husband go to the wedding as it’s his business partner, and you go to your best friend’s surprise party and both stay at your individual events for the entirety. It would also be SO much less stressful and eliminate guilt and you can both enjoy yourselves properly.

The last thing you want is to look back in decades time at photos of your friend’s 40th and everyone ask oh where are you in the pics? And your first memory is that you were rushing from another event and missed half the party.

It sounds like you are only invited to the evening do for the wedding so make an appearance and then move to your friends party.

You would need to be at your friends party right at the beginning to surprise her, so I would say go to your friend's party from 7-10 then go to the wedding evening for an hour or so.

If you absolutely can't go separately, go to the birthday party first so you can be there for the surprise, personally I reckon that matters more than being at the wedding in time for the reception to start (assuming based on time it is just a reception, ceremony is a bit different, don't go late to that, skip it)

My best friend means more to me than any of my husband’s work partners or colleagues. I’d have hubby go to the wedding, I’m going with my bestie!!

Go to the wedding do the rounds say hello make good memories then dash off and enjoy the majority of the night at youre friends care free and with no guilt of ‘having to leave when the party’s just starting’. If you go to the reception late everyone will be trashed and no one will remember/will be too busy partying to even care to chat to you and I’m assuming it’s important you go for ‘business reasons’ so you ideally want people to remember you went.

Business wedding for one hour, drive to friends, stay til it finishes

I agree with above, ideally him wedding & you party, especially given it’s an hours drive. However if you really can’t then I’d say wedding first as it’s an hour earlier start. Stay an hour/ & half. Then you’ll get to your friends party for the last half.

Yeah she’ll be disappointed you’re not there for the surprise but she’ll be so preoccupied with the initial shock and saying hello to everyone else anyways she’ll then just be happy to see you when you do arrive.

Knowing me I’d go to my besties’ bday for the “SURPRISE” part, stay a couple hrs and leave at 10, 10.30 for the wedding and enjoy the dancing/end of the wedding pop my head in say hello and bride and groom and drive my drunk husband home lol coz he gets drunk from peer pressure, every wedding 🙄😂 so he’d have to Uber home or have me drive him anyway in my case Plus I get to dance 💃🏼 win win. I’ve double booked myself on so many occasions usually every New Year lol so I know how you feel I usually leave one party midway to get to another late-ish in time for the countdown

Thank you all for the suggestions and advice!!