AITA

My daughter's father and I have been together for 10 years with a 3-year-old child, he is 23 years older than me he works from 2 pm-2 am, and sometimes comes home between 3/4 am-8-10 am from Tuesday to Saturday. I get it he is working hard, he is making everything forcing me to be a SAHM which I don't mind but I want to work and not be so dependent on him. Today was supposed to be an event day for our daughter to have her costume on and enjoy the event. I was actually happy but also worry Sunday he doesnt ever wanna be interrupted but sleep the entire day away so the fact he toke us I was happy, the min he saw there was carnival rides and etc I know our daughter wanted to go on everyone kiddie ride, face paint and so much more again because he is older he goes and tells me for any event oh here take mommy shes younger she can do it like not to be rude, I wanted to take her but I am tired a bit too I saw this as a you dont spend the time with your daughter youre on your phone 24/7 I mean he listens to audio books and sleeps soth it on stating I cant sleep without it being on or else he can't sleep, he "hangs out with his daughter" aka talk to her independent play and says she isnt interacting with him, he got black circles like a raccoon mask and im upset that I have to consider his health and because I love him and want nothing more to protect him too, even when going out a family outing is mommy does it all "Daddy pays for it" and because she is happy were all supposed to be happy. Then we get home the walk from the house to the car isn't half a block away I had him holding our daughter's hand so he could walk with her because I saw him reaching for his phone. Like damn, we're not even there and you got the phone. Now he goes Oh mommy is going to get you dressed and go to the park like not be rude no, I don't wanna go, and you're forcing me, I'm tired too he stated as we just locked the door he goes Oh I got a headache I'm going to bed. I'm not going out and he goes and mutters that I'm a f#cking b#tch and a stupid a$$ hole. I went ballistic on him as he got undressed and put his audiobook at max level to go to sleep and to ignore me. Now my daughter and I are locked in the room. Im livid but im the ass hole. What do you guys think?

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I have no family and or friends because i got with an older man and then had his 1st and only child my family disowned her for being her father's daughter saying but im allowed to see them without her and him, like no. We all come or no one does

23 years is a big age gap. I have to imagine there are many expectations you both have for each other that just come down to the difference in what the norm you both were raised with. He sounds maybe more “traditional” with wanting you to be a SAHM and do more of the childcare while he rests.

And since you expressed not wanting to be a SAHM and instead wanting more independence, that’s not very traditional but very modern thinking. I can see how these differences could have you both butting heads. Working yourself isn’t selfish though.

NTA. But theres definitely room for some communication between you two. Especially since your family sorta wrote him off. You need to be able to be on the same page and talk things through.

I also get why others left. He is old enough to have been your dad. Those relationships tend to be very dividing. All the more reason to talk to him.

Please take care of yourself. ❤️

I understand being a mom is 24/7 but you also said he works 5 days a week 12 hours a day ? That is a lot and hes 23 years older and likely tired too. Maybe if you talk with him he can cut a day or two and you can pick up a day or two ? That way he can spend tome with your daughter and you can work and have independence? Have you considered hiring someone for a few hours a day even once a week so you can get a break or rest if theres no other compromise. Like I understand being a mom but I can also imagine working 60 hrs weeks and being older and tired lol.

in our community

Is it bad of me to think this or no?

My husband has been abroad for work (1 day and exploring for 1 day) for 2 and a half days which means I’ve had both kids (1 year and 4 year old) for 2 and a half days plus cooking, cleaning, taking them to clubs, bedtimes!
He came home late afternoon and said I’m so tired, I just need to chill. I said can you wash up whilst I sort kids dinner out, he said he’ll do it later which means he won’t do it and I’ll end up doing it so I said no do it now please otherwise I’ll end up doing it and he said well you have been home and I’ve been away so you’ve just been relaxing.
Don’t know what planet he is on but having the kids alone for 2.5 days is not relaxing. I was stressed!

When he was away, I did miss him and wanted him to come back but now he’s back, I want him to go away again😂
Is that bad?

Feeding

My son is coming up to five months and I just started giving him oatmeal and rice cereal. When can you start trying veggies or fruits? I only give him the oatmeal or rice cereal once a day right now which is what the paediatrician had said to do. I’m just curious to when anybody tried anything else with their kids cause my son eats a lot of formula and he’s VERY curious when I eat.

Really bothered by this

A friend posted this and it really bothers me because that is exactly how she parents her kid, and it's rather unfortunate because when our kids hang out together, her kid has a meltdown at least 5x within an hour. We have know them for years and it's only gotten worse. My kids will concede to hers, because they don't want to see their friend crying, but it sucks because they give up so much of their toys and enjoyment to keep the peace. We aren't hanging out as much anymore but it's rather sad to think she doesn't intervene more in her child tantrums and just let's it slide

Is this normal

Let’s say you’re at a softplay with your 2 year old, and some friends & their toddlers.
You buy your 2 year old a kids meal - chicken nuggets, beans, and chips. They’re very happy with it and have almost eaten it all.
They’re sat at the table, fork in hand, consistently eating, and have one chicken nugget left.
Your adult friend comes over from behind you, picks up the last chicken nugget, and eats it.
There was no indication that your child wasn’t going to eat it, and they didn’t ask. They just took it with no warning and ate it right in front of you and your toddler.
How you reacting?

Shift worker daddies - advice please?

My husband works shifts (6am-6pm days or 6pm-6am nights) so when he’s on shift we either get about an hour or 2 before he goes to work or an hour or 2 when we gets home with him.

I don’t think people who aren’t married/have babies with shift workers fully understand the impact of feeling like a solo parent sometimes.

Does anyone have any advice? I do have parents who can help but I struggle to leave my baby with others as I always feel like they don’t understand the need for tracking wake windows or feeds and our baby will not sleep unless we black out a room or go for a car drive . Everyone seems to think ‘if he’s tired he’ll drop off’ - no he’ll just get overtired and have to then pay for it during his night sleep. So I feel like it’s just easier for me to do it all myself.

When my husbands off work he is great but I do take the mental load of telling him what to do or even reminding him of wake windows etc because he’s not here and forgets routines. He’s also being tested for ADHD currently so there’s that on top of shift work.

Just looking for advice on how to stay sane/keep routines or share loads with shifts workers?

Thank you ❤️

Are these men ok?

I get so sad seeing all the posts on here daily about women dealing with partners who are treating them horribly. I know it seems over represented because those of us with great partners don’t need to write posts asking for help, but I really hope most of us don’t have these kinds of men in our lives!

I tell my husband about these posts I see sometimes and he’s even shocked by some of the things these guys say/do.

Nobody’s perfect, and every relationship takes work. And becoming parents is a stress test unlike any other for sure, but seeing how many women get stuck in these relationships with men who aren’t interested in being better is so so sad😞

But is/was your partner helpful, loving, and supportive during your pregnancy/PP/etc? Was he a wonderful person but changed for the worst after becoming a parent? Has he put effort into becoming the partner you need him to be, even if he struggles?