Struggling with motherhood

Hey ladies, I’m really struggling at the moment and just needed to get this out. I have two little ones (3 and 7 months) and I’m home with them all day, every day. I’m starting to feel really overwhelmed and almost suffocated. I love my babies, but I feel sad and hopeless lately because even though I technically have family around, I don’t feel like I have real support.

I used to go to my mum’s often, but I’ve stopped recently because they don’t follow the boundaries I set with my son (like no sweets and not too much screen time). They give him anything just to avoid any upset, and then I’m left dealing with the behaviour afterwards — tantrums, not listening, etc. So I stopped going, but now I feel isolated and really low.

I also get anxious taking both kids out on my own because it feels so overwhelming, so I end up staying at home most days.

My husband is currently trying to open a new business, so he’s out a lot and when he’s home he does help where he can. But recently we had a situation where I asked if our son could go to his mum’s for a few hours just so I could have a small break. And he said something along the lines of how he doesn’t want to put the responsibility on his mum, especially when my parents aren’t helping in that way either. He goes he doesn’t want to trouble her. It made me feel really sad as he knows I’ve been struggling and feeling this way, and he made me feel like I can’t even ask for them to help out even a little bit. It really hurt because I’m genuinely struggling. So now I feel like I don’t really have anyone I can turn to at all.

I just feel stuck, overwhelmed, and really down. I don’t want to feel like this anymore. If anyone has been through something similar or can give advice, I’d really appreciate it. 💛

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We ended up getting a part time nanny who only comes a few hours a week. We have cameras in the house while I am in the other room resting or we use her when I have appointments. It is someone we share with a couple other families we know so we know she is trustworthy. Since it was only a few hours once or twice a week, it wasn’t a lot of money. I told my husband, it was that or I go crazy. He liked it because we can go on dates

You aren’t alone, here to chat

Any other family members or even a friend you are close to? Sorry to hear you feel that way! Slow steps with going out, even if just for a very short walk or a trip to the shop or even a drive and then back! I’m anxious about taking my two out for the first time alone, but doing a very short trip to start with before I venture out further well several tbf. Hope you feel better soon! 🙏🏼🫶🏼

Relatable. A part time nanny/babysitter or part time daycare could be helpful. That’s what I’m looking into now for my oldest (2y/o)

Look at your local park district for cheap preschool or classes without parent for your 3 year old

I get how you feel momma I have a 12 11 and 5 year old and pregnant with another one so it can get very overwhelming I used to take my kids outside for small walks now we just stay home so if you ever need to just vent or even talk I’m here

Wow I really relate girly! My baby is 8 months and I’m 7 months pregnant. I at times feel like I have no one too and similar situation with my husband’s family. And I see how my family is with their children and I’m just like yeah nooo I don’t want that for my kids. So we have to walk the lonely road at times. It will have to get you to the point of acceptance. I felt envious of the support others have like my siblings. But I had to ask myself if I did get the “same” is that what I want for my self and family? Probably not. So we have to be the change. We are putting the first brick down to create a new structure. It can feel out of control building a house with no plan. But we can have a vision of what we want out of it! I truly hope this helps. Writing this helped me so thank you for sharing your journey! 💕✨ feel free to msg me if you’d like. ✨💕

I feel your pain, I have almost 3year old very active daughter and baby 9 months....I am literally loosing my mind, is extremely hard...and I don't have help either, I am so so exhausted
Also stay at home and can't take both of them out on my own, toddler doesn't listen and I should be with a baby and can't chase my daughter...is so stressful, I feel your pain

in our community

Is it bad of me to think this or no?

My husband has been abroad for work (1 day and exploring for 1 day) for 2 and a half days which means I’ve had both kids (1 year and 4 year old) for 2 and a half days plus cooking, cleaning, taking them to clubs, bedtimes!
He came home late afternoon and said I’m so tired, I just need to chill. I said can you wash up whilst I sort kids dinner out, he said he’ll do it later which means he won’t do it and I’ll end up doing it so I said no do it now please otherwise I’ll end up doing it and he said well you have been home and I’ve been away so you’ve just been relaxing.
Don’t know what planet he is on but having the kids alone for 2.5 days is not relaxing. I was stressed!

When he was away, I did miss him and wanted him to come back but now he’s back, I want him to go away again😂
Is that bad?

Feeding

My son is coming up to five months and I just started giving him oatmeal and rice cereal. When can you start trying veggies or fruits? I only give him the oatmeal or rice cereal once a day right now which is what the paediatrician had said to do. I’m just curious to when anybody tried anything else with their kids cause my son eats a lot of formula and he’s VERY curious when I eat.

Really bothered by this

A friend posted this and it really bothers me because that is exactly how she parents her kid, and it's rather unfortunate because when our kids hang out together, her kid has a meltdown at least 5x within an hour. We have know them for years and it's only gotten worse. My kids will concede to hers, because they don't want to see their friend crying, but it sucks because they give up so much of their toys and enjoyment to keep the peace. We aren't hanging out as much anymore but it's rather sad to think she doesn't intervene more in her child tantrums and just let's it slide

Is this normal

Let’s say you’re at a softplay with your 2 year old, and some friends & their toddlers.
You buy your 2 year old a kids meal - chicken nuggets, beans, and chips. They’re very happy with it and have almost eaten it all.
They’re sat at the table, fork in hand, consistently eating, and have one chicken nugget left.
Your adult friend comes over from behind you, picks up the last chicken nugget, and eats it.
There was no indication that your child wasn’t going to eat it, and they didn’t ask. They just took it with no warning and ate it right in front of you and your toddler.
How you reacting?

Shift worker daddies - advice please?

My husband works shifts (6am-6pm days or 6pm-6am nights) so when he’s on shift we either get about an hour or 2 before he goes to work or an hour or 2 when we gets home with him.

I don’t think people who aren’t married/have babies with shift workers fully understand the impact of feeling like a solo parent sometimes.

Does anyone have any advice? I do have parents who can help but I struggle to leave my baby with others as I always feel like they don’t understand the need for tracking wake windows or feeds and our baby will not sleep unless we black out a room or go for a car drive . Everyone seems to think ‘if he’s tired he’ll drop off’ - no he’ll just get overtired and have to then pay for it during his night sleep. So I feel like it’s just easier for me to do it all myself.

When my husbands off work he is great but I do take the mental load of telling him what to do or even reminding him of wake windows etc because he’s not here and forgets routines. He’s also being tested for ADHD currently so there’s that on top of shift work.

Just looking for advice on how to stay sane/keep routines or share loads with shifts workers?

Thank you ❤️

Are these men ok?

I get so sad seeing all the posts on here daily about women dealing with partners who are treating them horribly. I know it seems over represented because those of us with great partners don’t need to write posts asking for help, but I really hope most of us don’t have these kinds of men in our lives!

I tell my husband about these posts I see sometimes and he’s even shocked by some of the things these guys say/do.

Nobody’s perfect, and every relationship takes work. And becoming parents is a stress test unlike any other for sure, but seeing how many women get stuck in these relationships with men who aren’t interested in being better is so so sad😞

But is/was your partner helpful, loving, and supportive during your pregnancy/PP/etc? Was he a wonderful person but changed for the worst after becoming a parent? Has he put effort into becoming the partner you need him to be, even if he struggles?