Opposite sex friends during marriage (pt.3?)

My opinion it’s controlling if the other person don’t like you have guy friends. It’s jealousy.

I can only speak for myself and my relationship (that both partners have agreed works for us) but it’s not that we don’t have friends of the opposite sex, we do, they’re just more distant. They’re friends we might message on social media occasionally or text here and there, but it’s not like a close emotionally-charged relationship where we’re sharing intimate details of our thoughts and feelings and having drinks together. The last text I sent to my childhood (male) friend was a picture of my baby who was born 3 months ago. Before that, he was asking me for advice on which engagement ring to get for his (now) fiance. The problem with opposite sex friends is when it gets messy. Both people have to have good boundaries

I think the misunderstanding on this issue, especially here on peanut, comes from different definitions of friendship. To me someone I consider a friend is someone I have a serious, private relationship with, meaning I hang out with them one on one (would go out to dinner with just them), we have built trust, I share intimate details of my life with them and have completely private messaging with.
I have always been on the lookout for my children’s father and a future spouse. Most of my life when meeting/connecting with men I’m thinking about dating and connecting romantically for myself or my female friends. I’m not a “guy’s girl” I have never gravitated towards hanging out with men specifically. I had men who I was very friendly with because we had specific commonalities like school or work. When I met my now husband I backed off of those friendly acquaintances and put all of my energy into him.

I think friendships are great, what isn't is not respecting new boundaries that exist as a married person between you and that friend. If your friendship can evolve to support your relationship and not take away or be a substitute for affection and companionship to avoid issues in your marriage, then you're ok. But you don't spend time alone together, you're a unit with your partner or group of friends. Solo intimacy is protected for your marriage. If you're looking at it through a faith lens anyway. If you're not religious, you and your partner decide on those boundaries and respect them. Different strokes for different folks.

This is a great topic. I think it’s just situationally dependent. For my husband and myself we believe that we don’t always know what the other person really thinks or feels. Can opposite sex platonic relationships exist, yes, but they are rare. One or the other party usually likes the other party a little more than just friends. And may keep it hidden due to wanting to maintain the friendship. We personally didn’t want to test these waters. So we both dropped all of our previous friendships, including childhood ones. If we have opposite sex friendships, they will be both of our friends. But again this is only an ideal that we live by. May not work for everyone.

I have close male friends, they happen to be gay, I wonder if that's allowed 🙄 I also have a close friend who has more recently come out as non binary, previously to that no-one would have assumed they were anything but a straight man. My husband was never threatened by this and I was never attracted to them. They were (and still are obviously) just a really good friend. My husband has close female friends, usually if they hang out it's in a group but they do message each other. I've met them all and like them all, and think it's a good thing that my husband doesn't just think of women as a hole he can put his dick in, they are people and can be his friends as much as anyone else. If it's an agreement between a couple then each to their own but I think it's a red flag if someone is telling their partner who they can and can't be friends with.

Frankly I think this whole thing is always ridiculous. If two people are secure in their relationship/marriage, the gender of friends shouldn't matter. 🤷🏻‍♀️

I mean it definitely depends on the situation. I mean I have one guy friend from high school and the way we became friends is why my partner is okay with it. But if I were to go out seeking guy friends, the likelihood that all they’ll want is sex is pretty high unfortunately. It’s not exactly about being allowed friends, it’s about acknowledging the reality of the situation. Obviously there are exceptions to everything but most guys that aren’t related to you are just hanging around in hopes of something happening. Guys and girls have very different ways of viewing the world and it can be a bit of an uncomfortable truth.

Why wouldn't I have friends of the opposite gender ? Old and new... I can control myself. That's so weird. Also my partner is allowed to have friends he wants. Of course we have very good boundaries we wouldn't be crossing