Managing terrible relationships with MIL?

Does your partner by any chance care about your feelings?

Your partner should handle this. I would keep my boundaries and have my husband speak with his mother about her behavior. If she can’t respect you then that should be a huge red flag to your partner.

My MIL is nice af to my face but says crazy wild untrue things behind my back. If it were up to me, I never would’ve seen/ talked to her again but I love my husband and he loves her unfortunately. We still only see them once or twice a yr and even that is too much for me 😭 your husband needs to talk to her tho. wishing you the best of luck girl!!

I’m in the same boat with mine. We’ve recently started to patch things up somewhat as we used to be friends (sort of) but it took me apologizing even though she was 80% in the wrong. We’re not exactly on good terms but we are atleast on speaking terms now. I say stand up for yourself. I told her point blank once that I didn’t want to go to the dinner for my FIL’s birthday because of her and how rude she was to my husband and I. I told her she puts us down and treats us like crap. She was all like “when have I ever” and then I started listing the billions of instances where we’d be having a good time with neighbors or mutual church friends and I’d catch her talking crap about us with a group of people. Or doing it right in front of us with the same group of people. I told her it’s at the point where I hate being around her in public. Ofc she threw a tantrum and said she would ditch her own husband’s birthday dinner but my FIL ended up fixing everything.

He told her to tell us she’d be on her best behavior and then during the dinner when she was about to go off at random he turned to her and sternly said “drop it”. She turned beet red and I focused on my burger, desperately trying not to laugh.

I could have written this about my MIL. I’m low contact with her but I basically have her blocked on all socials and her number so she can’t text/call me. We see her maybe 2x a year. I have a note in my notes app where I list everything she says/does against me in case I ever need a restraining order.

I was in the same boat, my MIL used to watch my baby 2x a week, but I started to notice that she would just burst out anger towards me, I tried confronting her when it happened a couple times, but that just made her feel a certain way. Then, my BIL and SIL came to visit and noticed how she was acting towards me, he ended up telling my husband since he was worried about their upcoming baby too and how she acts. Then, one weekend my BIL was able to convince my husband to talk to their mom, he informed her that the way she was acting towards me is unfair, I'm a new mom and she's had her turn of raising a child and is genuinely worried that since he has an upcoming baby, he simply does not want to see this happening at all and that he would cut ties with her immediately and does my SIL. It took an entire week for the convo to sink in, so my husband had to have the convo with her by himself and just reiterated how he was feeling & he backed up my feelings, my BIL/SIL concerns.

She still watches my baby now, but only once a week, I think seeing her 2x a week became a bit much for me. She did apologize to me a couple times after everything happened. After everything happened, I ended up putting my baby to partial daycare and since I only see her 1 time per week, it has become better and my baby is also advancing since he gets to play with so many other kids in daycare. Overall, I think your husband should have the convo with your MIL, and let her know that if she continues, you guys will cut ties with her and she won't be able to see the baby any longer.

Keep your boundaries straight and put her in her place. Also, if she is not respecting you, your boundaries and her own son, she would not be allowed to see her grandchild. To toxic people - no matter if family or not - around your baby. I would tell her that straight away without any sugar coating. If she cannot regulate her emotions and her tantrums, she should seek help in therapy - also something I would communicate clearly to her. If she is getting into a fit and tantrum, leave the room. Tell her you cut off the chat until she is able to speak to you in a normal and civil way, otherwise there is nothing to talk about and she will not see any of you three.
Make it clear to her that she will be the one missing out

You are welcome. My MIL has 9 out of 10 narcissistic behaviour traits and there is a mother-son enmeshment. She tries to manipulate people around her and wants everything to go her way, like she wants, what she says... Bla bla bla. She can be super charming and giving if she wants to but when she loses her plot, because things don't go her way, she is so awful - even to her son. They tried therapy this year cause he told her clearly: if you want to be part of my family, you'd have to change, do therapy, otherwise you are missing out". He also told her that she better treats me as part of her / the family otherwise he doesn't want to be a part of this family anymore.
You and your partner have to keep it together as a strong unit towards her. Then she doesn't stand a chance.