Advice needed with MIL
My mother in law is lovely and I get on with her well. There is no ill feeling between us. However since getting pregnant I feel things have over stepped a boundary.
To put in to context she already has 6 grandchildren, however it had taken us 5 years to get to where we are with 1 loss along the way.
The first over stepping was Due to baby being an ivf baby, we were requested by our clinic to have a six week internal ultrasound to check baby was where they needed to be and how many we were having.
She had to come, I brushed it off as being excited our ivf had finally worked however she was cringing at the fact I was half naked having the scan despite explaining it was an internal scan.
After this except our nhs scans, she has had to come to each and every scan we have had, including our private gender reveal.
We managed to sneak one in without her knowing and we took her out for breakfast after to show her the scan photos. I didn’t have my bag so asked if she could pop them in her bag and completely forgot about them. I later remembered and asked my husband to fetch them when he went round. He did but she had took 2 out of 4 of the scan photos and they happened to be the best 2.
This irked me but I again put it behind me.
However as we have come to half way through my pregnancy she has become more unbearable.
She wanted to be a birthing partner despite being told numerous times no. She then said it’s fine I’ll just wait in the waiting room till she is born. Despite the fact I have said that we want no visitors until we are ready.
Baby girl is constantly referred to as her baby by her. Such as “how’s my baby doing” “are you looking after my baby” and she will then constantly touch my bump to feel her and tell me I’m to take good care of her.
I really don’t know how to discuss these issues with her or whether I’m just being a sensitive a-hole. I have no relationship with my mother, so I don’t know if this also plays a part. However I am struggling more and more with the amount my mother in law tries to come in to such a precious time for us.
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If she’s over stepping your boundaries, then she’s over stepping your boundaries. From what you’ve said there doesn’t seem to be anything malicious behind it, but the fact remains that it’s gone too far for you. If you have a good enough relationship with her, then maybe plan it out with your husband and then have a heart to heart with her. I’d also ask for the photos back.
Hahaha it’s opposite but it’s my own mother . She was excited for my baby but she never pushed boundaries.
If your MIL continues to push, she gets to be on an info diet.
I really don't think you're being an a-hole at all! It sounds really intense and tbh I wouldn't put up with it, the pregnancy is ultimately between you and your husband especially after your journey to have children.. this is your time to relish in your scans and to have things exactly as you want it! If your MIL can't accept it then that's on her not you.x
This sounds like my idea of hell. You aren’t being over sensitive. I honestly wouldn’t be able to tolerate this. You have full control over who is at the birth. I wouldn’t even tell her I was going into labour, that way she can’t wait in the waiting room. With people like this you have to start with firm boundaries and not budge on them. It’s awkward at first but it’s the only way to be taken seriously. Your partner is probably the best person to be firm with her as I think it’s more awkward for you as it’s not your own mother. I honestly don’t think any of her behaviour is particularly acceptable so don’t feel like you’re unreasonable for wanting space, privacy and for her not to steal stuff out of your handbag. Xx
Her being there for a scan and making you feel uncomfortable is so bizarre to me, she should feel uncomfortable because she’s in your business!!
Also taking ultrasound photos as hers without asking is out of order.
This all sounds way too much, tell her you love her but you need more space, and that it’s your labour not hers so you’ll be doing it your way! It sounds like she’s becoming a bit neurotic about the whole thing and treating you like a vessel rather than the mother… I think you can politely say no next time she over steps… good luck!
I would say to talk to your partner and ask that he speaks with her directly - it's your MIL, but his mum and he may not know how intense she is being and he needs to speak to her in my opinion, especially if you've already tried. He needs to set the boundaries, protect your space and wishes. Especially if she's insisting over waiting outside the room and you're not ready for visitors - he needs to speak to his mum and tell her what's what.
I definitely think she's overstepping the mark coming to all your scans - they should be private between you and your partner, not her.
My MIL was a bit overbearing at the start but I could talk to her and told her to back off as it's our child, not hers (although it is her first grandchild and she's wanted one for ages)... she even told us how to announce the pregnancy to her family. She's calmed down now after I spoke with her and said it our pregnancy, not hers, and it's down to us what happens during and after the birth.
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