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Women who stayed after betrayal

Struggling

So my husband of 5 years cheated and that's just with me catching him makes me wonder what he's done behind my back and it's so scary to think of divorce. He doesn't want it, it's me who thinking of getting it but it's so hard because unlike him I loved him and I adored this man and a part of me doesn't want it to be over. I'm so lost 😔