New single mums / mums struggling/ single mums

Stay safe, ladies!

I met someone.
It felt easy. It felt exciting. It felt like maybe I could just relax for once.

Things escalated faster than I normally would’ve let them. There was chemistry. There was connection. I think I was craving closeness more than I realized.

At one point he mentioned he’d had HSV-1 before. He said it casually. He made it sound common, like it wasn’t a big deal. I didn’t fully understand what that meant in real life terms.

I trusted the moment.

A couple days later, my throat started hurting. I felt tired. Achy. Then I noticed a blister on my lip.

And suddenly I wasn’t just dealing with a sore throat or a bump. I was dealing with regret. Anger. Embarrassment. Fear.

I’m a mom. I work hard. I try to make smart decisions. And now I’m sitting here feeling ashamed because I feel like I should’ve known better.

I feel stupid for moving fast.
I feel hurt because I trusted him.
I feel mad because he minimized it.
I feel scared because this affects my body.

And underneath all of that, I just feel human.

I didn’t do something evil.
I didn’t do something dirty.
I made an adult decision in a vulnerable moment.
And now I’m learning from it.

I don’t have any friends to comfort me. That’s why I share this story. I’m extremely embarrassed.

Read more on Peanut

The views expressed in community are solely the opinions of participants, and do not reflect those of Peanut.

Learn more about our guidelines.

Add a comment

Oh lovely, my heart hurt reading this. You’re not stupid you trusted someone and wanted closeness. So many of us would’ve done the same. HSV-1 is incredibly common and you are still just as worthy, beautiful, and strong. Be kind to yourself 🤍

Be strong mama,don’t feel stupid go to see a specialist and take care of yourself

If you want someone to talk feel free to contact me

I was with my ex husband for like 15 years. He did tell me from pretty early on that he did get cold sores and when he would have an outbreak, we would avoid kissing and/or sharing food/drink. I’m still not sure if it was a genuine slip that he just missed feeling an outbreak coming on, or if it was neglectful and/or purposeful (he’s a textbook covert narcissist with a definite vengeful side, even when it’s HIM in the wrong and HE’S the reason that he’s paying consequences), but about two years before we split, I finally got taken down with them. Thankfully in the like 5 years since getting them, I’ve only had like 3 outbreaks, so I’m hopeful that they will remain minimal in my life. But god damn do I feel anger when I think about how long I avoided getting them from his sorry ass, only to get taken down right before I started to learn all about his secret second life and all of the betrayal and the secrets and the resurgence of his cruelty. I was just so. So. SO. Freaking (contd.)

close to making it out unscathed by him (on ONE front in life anyway!!!). But alas, I am left with just yet one more area of my life that is left behind in ruins from his destruction. The worst of it all is that he already gave at least one of our (three) children already has them too. She’s 8. 🤬🤬🤬 She may have actually been the one who gave them to me.

I hear/feel/share your anger mama. But in reality, neither one of us is to blame for this. It’s just a shitty thing that happened to us that we unfortunately now just have to live with for the rest of our lives.

Did he have a cold sore? It's very weird that one appeared so quickly in you and that your body had flu like symptoms with it. Doesn't sound like a typical outbreak, but I know the first time vs potential outbreaks after can be different.

in our community

Car seat on aeroplane-Ryanair

Hi, we are flying to Dublin soon and will need a car seat when there. Can I check in my car seat for the hold for free, Ryanair website says max 43cm width, the Graco Slimfit is 45cm. Do they check things like that? How does it work, does it need to be boxed up or is it just handed over? First time flying with a nearly 3 year old and needing a car seat the other end.

5 days old

My baby is 5 days today and I’m struggling with sleep. He will only sleep when he is being cuddled, which I’m aware is expected but I need some sleep too.

Any tips for getting him settled in the next to me cot?

I don’t want to co sleep and he is EBF

Sleepless night

Hi everyone, I really need some advice and support because I honestly don't know what to do anymore. ❤️

I had a C-section, and my little one is now 8 weeks old. He doesn't latch, so I bottle-feed him and pump breast milk for him. I pump 8 times a day for 30 minutes each time to maintain my milk supply.

At night, my baby wakes up every 2 hours. Each time, I have to change his nappy, warm his bottle, feed him, settle him back to sleep, and then pump for the next feeding session. By the time I finish pumping, storing the milk, cleaning everything, and getting back into bed, it's almost time for him to wake up again. I'm barely getting any sleep, and it's really affecting me mentally and physically.

I was struggling so much that I asked my husband to take care of the baby between 6 am and 11 am so I could get some uninterrupted sleep. He works from home, so he looks after the baby in the mornings, and if he has meetings, my mother-in-law helps. I usually wake up around 11 or 11:30 am, pump, and start my day.

My mother-in-law has been staying with us and helping with cooking and other things for the past two months, and I genuinely appreciate everything she has done for us. She will be going back to her home next month.

However, she keeps questioning why I sleep in the mornings and says I should try to manage the baby while also getting some sleep. The reality is that I simply cannot do both when I'm this exhausted. Because of this, she has now stopped talking to me, and the situation is making me feel even worse.

My husband also tells me to try to manage with the baby, but I honestly don't know how I'm supposed to do that when I'm already struggling to cope with the lack of sleep.

I skip breakfast most days, eat lunch, and spend the rest of the day looking after my baby until 6 am the next morning. I barely get a break, except when I need to use the toilet. On top of everything, I'm trying so hard to maintain my breast milk supply because I really want to give my baby breast milk.

I understand that looking after a newborn is difficult for everyone, and I'm grateful for the help I receive. But I'm also recovering from a C-section, and I feel like people are forgetting that I need rest, too. I feel guilty for sleeping in the mornings, even though I'm only doing it because I'm completely exhausted.

Am I wrong for asking my husband to take care of the baby for those five hours so I can get some uninterrupted sleep? Is it unreasonable to need at least 4–5 hours of proper sleep when I'm pumping 8 times a day and looking after my baby?

I love my baby more than anything, and I'm trying my best to do everything I can for him. But I'm struggling, and I need some support rather than feeling guilty for needing sleep.

Has anyone else been through something similar? How did you manage pumping, night feeds, and sleep? I would really appreciate some advice because I honestly feel overwhelmed. ❤️

Coping with baby and illness

How do we cope?

I’m currently SO unwell with a kidney infection that I left a little too late, nothing seems to be helping I’ve never been so ill.

My baby is almost 4 months, I have no village here and my partner can’t come and help as he works full time.

I feel so guilty as I don’t feel like I can play as enthusiastically as I usually do, I’ve barely got the energy to stand 😮‍💨 I’m obviously meeting baby’s needs, she’s clean, happy and well fed but the mum guilt is unreal

Midnight Mum’s Club

Who’s awake? Figure we can keep each other company.

Currently trying to put my 11 day old down. Every time I do she wakes up.
Her brother was never like this 🙈

Breastfeeding

Hello fellow July moms. I have been exclusively breastfeeding my son since he was born and here in the last 2 or so days he likes to try and bite at my nipple instead of just eat like normal. Has anyone else experienced this and if so what did you do to get your baby to stop I’m kind of desperate because my nipples feel like they are about to fall right off.