Second child?? Hubby and I are on the fence.
Should we have another baby? Please read.
Hubby and I are constantly off and on the fence about having second child. My first pregnancy was hard!! Like worst possible things imaginable happened and I didn't enjoy it one bit!
I became the strict parent I really didn't want to be, I had to because my son is wild! He reached every milestone when he decided he was ready. No matter how hard we tried, he has the worst tantrums and I'm really struggling to understand how we managed to raise a child who refuses to follow even the simplest of instructions. He's going to school this time and I honestly thought he would be ready. But he really isn't!
I hate myself for being a strict parent. If I wasn't strict, he would just run a riot. He would eat things off the floor. Break every toy he owns and so on.
I want another child because I know I can be a better parent and I want to experience that amazing family bond that I see my sister have with her (extremely well behaved) children. I know there isn't a guarantee that I'll get this.
I also want to experience a normal pregnancy because mine was anything but normal!
I also want to give my child a sibling because despite him going through a defiant phase atm. I know he will be an amazing big brother, he is incredibly kind and loving when he wants to be.
Most days we agree to have another once he's settled in school then other days, we are "one and done" but it makes me incredibly sad to think about not having another child. It literally breaks my heart to think that this was it, our one and only chance at that loving family I've always dreamed of.
As I said we will wait until he is settled in school to try again but is all of this normal or good reasons to have another?
What would you do?
Background: So myself and my partner have been together for 8yrs now. And sex life is kindof average I would say, I mean there is no foreplay and stuff. I'm used to it by now. Our biggest problem is we both want to do something but neither one of us wants to ignite. For me I just don't feel loved by him most times because he hasn't planned a date for us in years and we barely spend time together. He works and I'm a SAHM of 2 littles. So I feel cheap when I'm always the one doing oral to get things going when he hasn't really touched me in a long time.
Now the day before I made a deal with him that Mon/Wed/Fri will be his days to ignite and spoil me, then Tue/Thur/Sat will be my turn to ignite. Sundays it will be random. He agreed and because it was Sunday I decided I'll take the initiative and ignite stuff.
Now last night was supposed to be his turn to ignite, but we laid next to each other and he did nothing, he made an excuse that he thought today was my day. So I was like no it's your day but if you don't want to then I'm going to bed, I turned around and started doomscrolling, he went to smoke outside. Then when he came in again he asked me to lay next to him and after 15mins he started touching me. And I don't know, I felt nothing. Because this whole thing felt forced like I had to force him. That just puts me off. So I told him I dont really want to do anything because it feels like I forced him. He sighed and then turned around. No talking, no denying no trying. So I turned around and slept.
Was my actions unnecessary?
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