Did I overreact?

I have done everything I was supposed to do I got the 4.0 Gpa, Graduating college, multiple certifications and licenses under my name, I wasn’t a teenage mom. I’m married, I have a nice 4+ bedroom house. and all my mom had ever done is treat me like a friend and not a daughter! I don’t have many memories with her but I remember she drove us into a ditch when she was fighting with her bf, made cupcakes for my class, we moved like every year, and she struggled a lot. I really think I am going to go to her grave and grieve without any emotion because the lack of involvement she has had in my life.

I don't have advice, I just wanted to say I relate a lot to this. For me, accepting my mom and what she's capable of offering has helped a lot. Learning about her trauma (second/third hand, I've never spoken directly with her about a lot of things) and why she's reacted the way she has doesn't excuse what she did, but having an explanation gave me some peace.

She's not gonna be the mom you want, she's probably never going to give you the validation or apologies you want. I've tried to let go of holding expectations for those things so that I can have some kind of relationship with the woman my mom is, not who I wish she was. I've had to mother myself in a lot of ways to get to this point

I don’t think you are necessarily overreacting but maybe therapy will help. Sometimes you have to separate people from their role. While also your mom she is also just a person with her own experiences, traumas, etc. Once you see the person you can start to remove the hopes/expectations.

This helped me at least like when I reflected on my dad as just a person/man I was like wow he’s a loser and if he wasn’t my dad I wouldn’t want him around anyway

Meet her where she's at. You only have control over you and she only has control over her. It's a lot easier to accept someone when you stop expecting them to be different or how you want them to be for you. Some people just aren't capable and it's unfortunate that it's a parent. Do you have any resentment towards your father? I don't mean this to slight you, but you did mention your mother not giving you a present father.

My mom’s early onset Alzheimer’s symptoms came on when I was 3, she passed when I was 7. My stepmom married my dad when I was 11, supposedly always wanted a daughter, she did make my 1st birth, 2nd was during covid, but she missed 8 of 16 bdays for my son, dad always saying “your mom worked last night”, mind you he had enough for both to retire early. Dad passed a couple years ago on the 28th, I haven’t even seen her to give her Christmas gifts, youngest is 4, she’s made 1 bday. She lives 40mins away & retired completely in November & goes by my house to see my grandpa every other week.