Your best tips, please

8 months pp and so soo loving being a mama but constantly feeling like “ i should be better at this by now”…guess i just wanted to vent here. I feel like im hardly ever showered, always smell myself, like im never “cute” around my husband anymore..he’s great in so many ways but always gaming when im stuck in our room breastfeeding her (which is OFTEN) and i feel like any time i want to try to sneak out of the bed once she finally falls asleep, he’s gaming w his buddies and I have to put the monitor in front of him so he knows im doing something requiring his help.
I KNOW I can’t be the only one experiencing this and that’s prob why im here rambling on this app; prob wondering how many of you have been in / are currently in my shoes and if you have any tips on how to successfully work through these things. A) how do you manage to find time to take care of yourself B) will I ever feel sexy again lol C) have you had a successful talk w your man ab his lack of boundaries when it comes to gaming too much ?
He’s the only one working rn (I quit my job a month ago) and he travels for work so it feels like maybe wrong of me to mention to him that he should be taking on more of our baby responsibilities when he’s the one making the income.

He’s GREAT with her…he’s the “fun” parent and they love each other so much; it’s really sweet to see how they play and interact w each other but it does feel like I have to bring her to him and be like “please hold her I literally need a break so I can pee” (she’s such a Velcro baby and I love that but it gets exhausting!)

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Be honest with him! Help him to understand exactly how you feel! Listen, I didn’t and resentment built up within me to the point where I just was mad at him while looking unsexy around the house. Tell him you need moments of self care. Immediately after breastfeeding, tell him to hold her and go take a long hot shower, bath, shave, wash your hair, then oil your self down and put a little bit of light make up on and soft comfy clothing. If you have something pink put that on, write down one thing you love about yourself daily . I promise you that little bit of stuff will change your life right now! ❣️

Does your partner ask to shower? Does he ask to do his hobbies?

If he doesnt ask neither should you. Oi i'm showering watch the baby. I'm doing xyz. You dont need to lose yourself, you dont need to neglect yourself to be a good mum - id actually argue caring for yourself will make you a better mum all around.

Me and my partner operate on a same amount of rest/hobby system. If he is getting to rest so much more than you then no wonder you are feeling rubbish and unable to even find time for basic hygeine.

I literally could have written this myself! Don’t have much good advice but if you ever want to vent or chat with someone who is going through it too message me! 😊

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He has become way too comfortable with everything. During our entire relationship he has cheated on me here and there on dating sites and I always found out. No dates since we had our firstborn 3 years ago. When I tell him, he uses the fact that we can’t put the kids anywhere since we’re not so good with both of our fams. It has never been about the kids or money, it’s about taking initiative. Every weekend he asks me what we should do. I honestly just taught him that I will stay no matter what and I don’t want that anymore. I want to step up for myself. I’ve come to a point where even if he starts doing better for a day or two, I resent him so much that I also just stop putting work into the relationship, he realizes that and goes back to his old ways. I’m tired of this game we’re playing. Everything feels forced. Every interaction. Every progress feels forced from both sides. I know we love each other so much but love does not matter when there is no respect. I don’t know what to do. I don’t wanna do this to my children, but being with him drains the life out of me to a point where I can’t even take care of myself. He doesn’t see that I’m losing myself, and what he doesn’t see at all is that he’s losing me.

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