How to deal with toxic in-laws
So my parters family have been pretty awful since I gave birth, we had a decent relationship with his siblings but since we had our baby last year they have changed. Me and my parter have racked our brains trying to understand where this change has come from and the only person we can think this stems from is his mam. She is constantly on at us to take our little one out on her own but we do not trust her to have him. This is from experiences his siblings have told us about with their children. And to be honest she has been vile to me since me and my partner got together so why would we want her watching our little one š¤£. Despite all of this, I remain pleasant with her and the rest of the family. Although it can be awkward with her, I try so hard to put on a brave face so my little one can still have a relationship with his Grandma.
His family have decided to book a holiday secretly and we have just found out about it and we havenāt been invited. My partner is livid, more so because of our little one missing out. I do not know how to deal with it, because this is the cherry on top of years of being treated like an outsider.
My partner has said he is done, but we still have not actually been told about this holiday we found out by accident. Do we confront it before they go? Do we wait for them to tell us? I just feel like I have wasted so much time with them trying to fix our relationship and have a good relationship with his mam. To me it seems like there will never be a good relationship with them.
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Iām going through a similar issue. My husbands mom ruined my baby shower after I asked her not to bring fish and I was nauseous the whole time, then she told my husband that I embarrassed her. Now his siblings donāt talk to me and we were all good days before the shower happened. It sucks it really does, but Iāve been trying to think positive about my little family. I feel like if you try to force or confront it can just drive a bigger wedge and I also think people will come around when they think logically and not with their feelings. But these are only my thoughts since Iām also in the same boat, Iām about 7 months pregnant just trying to make it to birth at this point. I hope everything goes well on your end and try not to stress to much as motherhood is already stressful itself.
Me personally, I wouldnāt mention it. Given the history with the in-laws, itās probably not worth opening that door. I wouldnāt want to give them the upper hand or have them turn it into āoh look whoās starting.ā Iād just leave it alone and not react, whether they bring it up or post about it. If anything, they might be expecting a reaction so I wouldnāt give them one š
you donāt deal with them, your husband does.
I honestly agree with the comment saying that your husband should address this, at the end of the day he is their son and he has to work it out (if he wishes). I wouldnāt go with āfighting energyā, since that might give them fire to retaliate with, but a simple āHey, we heard this holiday is happening, how come we werenāt invited?ā or something along the lines of that, no accusatory tone or anything, just confronting the (now) elephant in the room. Itās weird that you werenāt invited, perhaps there is a reason, whatever reason it is, it will probably expose them or at least resolve the discussion that is being buried.
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My husband and I been together for 5 years , married for 1 1/2. When we first got together I went with him to a quince ( his cousins ) thatās where I met everyone ( his whole family etc ) . I got a long with his cousins.. this one girl that I assumed was his cousin came up to me complementing me whatever. Ig his cousins seen that n told me that my husband has something with her years ago and I was in shock because Iām like umm how come he didnāt tell me?? I told him about it and he told me that yes they did things ( sexually) but it was never nothing outside of that. I had my questions and he answered. Fast forward to now! She comes around because her parents are close to my in laws . I keep it respectful but I donāt go beyond that. She came to our baby shower which whatever but wtf?? I feel like she keeps it respectful too but she throws things at me. Like current words she says are specifically for me.. whatever I let it go. Anyways yesterday people came over to the house because there was a soccer game on . Her parents came but not her. Itās night and my husband and I are outside with her parents and my in laws. We are just talking giggling.. mind you his dad is drunk n heās so dumb when heās drunk. He was talking about something and he told her parents ā everyone knows my son had something good with your daughter , it ended and now heās with Angelica , which is good cus sheās a good person ā and Iām like huh?? Something good? So Iām just there but I am heated and confused. I look at my husband in a weird way n he just puts his head down and I go inside. He follows me.. but I just told him I needed space. Am I wrong? Am I over exaggerating. I know that they did something sexual YEARS ago. But I asked him if they ever dated , went out with eachother or if he liked her and he told me no that they barely talked and that he fucked her a couple times. That it was nothing outside of that. He told me when I first found out when I had my questions. So he lied to me. Because obviously it was something if his parents knew about it.. Iām upset because why didnāt he tell me? Why did he lie about it?? Why did his dad do that ? I feel dumb because she comes to all our parties and talks to him n everything. This morning he brought it up and told me that it shouldnāt bother me because it was years ago. Iām upset. So upset. To the point where Iām going to give him the same energy back. Someone help
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