In a relationship but basically doing on your own.

marriage disaster

I’ve been with my husband for about five years on and off, he was my high school sweetheart and we recently got married 3 and a half months ago, 1 week before I had our first baby (my second child, his first). it has been very up and down but I feel mostly a complete disaster since getting married and I have already been contemplating divorce for a full month because he is manipulative, controlling, and gaslights me on an almost daily basis since maybe a month or two before getting married. I don’t want to cut him off but I don’t feel comfortable being married and saying we’re committing our lives to each other knowing I want to leave him and be on my own. I want him to be in both my children’s lives and for us to stay on good (enough) terms but I don’t know how to go about that, any advice ?

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Sorry to be this person but why did you marry him in the first place if this was happening prior?

Is it possible that feeling like a disaster and let down by your partner has more to do with postpartum than marriage? I would wait until your baby is at least 1-2yrs if you’re generally safe! I’m sure your experience is valid, but you also don’t want to make life changing decisions during such an intense hormone shift. The last couple weeks of pregnancy and then the fourth trimester are such delicate stages, he’s adjusting too. Again, not excusing anything he’s done. Just might want to take a breath and try some other things before jumping straight to divorce.
I’m assuming because you still want him in your and the children’s lives that he’s not physically abusive or anything, it’s more of a potential romantic incompatibility issue. If that’s the case, there’s nothing urgent. You can both take time to go to therapy, adjust to parenting (especially with this being his first time), have mature conversations, and see if there is something in your marriage worth fighting for or not.

I’m so sorry this is happening sounds awful:(

Have y’all talked about couples therapy? I have been with my partner for 8yrs. We have had our ups and downs but have always been able to communicate our issues. Do you feel like you can have the hard talks with him? Have you made him aware of what is hurting you? Do you feel safe enough to do that? If you feel like there’s no point in bringing it up due to how he’ll react or you fear his reaction, those are signs of an abusive relationship.

in our community

No village , what do we do ?

My husband and I moved from Florida to Minnesota in Dec 2023. We had been trying for years for a LO and just left it to fate. If we were meant to have one , it’ll happen. Well it did , one year exactly after moving here. She’s 14 months now and the sunshine of our lives. The thing is we are alone here , we have our best friends but they are DINKS. So they aren’t too sure what to do or say to help us. What did you do ladies to build up a foundation ? It’s so hard breaking into these groups that have grown up together and making new friendships as an adult feels impossible. It has really made my husband pause and think should we actually try for a second baby? I would love another child , but he’s worried about us being here alone. I don’t want that fear to stop us from adding another best friend to our family. Any words of wisdom would be appreciated. A picture of our sunshine ☀️

is this bad

i don’t really talk to my kids my kids are 4 2 and 1 i don’t even talk to them like often i don’t even know how i don’t know if part of it is that i have social anxiety no friends and introverted i just have nothing to say and idk what to talk to them about lol is that just me or something i notice when they go to my moms house she talks to them constantly and plays games with them like something out an episode of bluey😭i just don’t have it in me to do all that and i would never make anything like that up

Need advice

Hi,

I hope you're all well.

I'm looking for soma advice if anyone has been in the same situation.

My little one is 3 months old, my partner has just started a new night shift job to try support me more ( hasn't worked out yet as he's sleeping all day because he's tired) and has reconnected with some old friends. He's told me that they take cocaine all the time, even at work. This weekend he had gone out with them, I'd asked him about the cocaine and he had said he's not doing it, even got defensive and mad telling me to leave it.

After checking his phone he did get some, and even went to get more spending £110. I'm really upset with the fact he's lied to me, I'd been at my mum's over the weekend so today he collected me, I'd tried to talk about it and tell him I know what he's done and I'm not happy about it, he's lied to me and hurt me. He just gets defensive and dismissive and turns it round on me that I've been on his back about the job, sleeping all day, I'm checking his phone ( I literally checked one chat to confirm my suspicions) and I've been at my mum's slagging him off. It just turns into an argument and he doesn't listen to what I have to say. I really don't know what to do, I feel so resentful towards him and feel as though I cannot continue the relationship anymore but I love him so much.

He struggles with an addictive personality and smokes weed daily, even had begun trying to lie about it so I'm worried this will turn into another addicion.

Just the fact that this is the only time we have together now and he would rather go out and do this than spend time as a family has also really hurt me.

I'm not sure how to go about this.

Any advice?
Thank you

1 year old still not really eating

Baby just turned 1 a few days ago and still won’t really eat anything. He will eat crackers voluntarily but everything else I give him he will taste it once occasionally and then just play with it. I’ve tried purées, hand food. I tried feeding him in the highchair and also just let him walk around. I tried feeding him while I’m eating. At this point I don’t know what else. At his 8,10 month appointments the Pediatrician just said stay consistent and keep trying and doing different things but at this point I don’t know. It’s just very discouraging now. He also has low iron and was prescribed iron drops and I’m sure that’s because he doesn’t eat anything. Any suggestions?

please tell me it gets easier

i have a 2years and 4months old, and a 9 week old. My partner works shifts, this week he’s been on late lates so i’ve been doing basically everything myself as he’s not home until 10pm-1am. I’m loosing my mind. I’m completely alone; loosing my rag at my toddler and i can’t bear holding the baby while he screams at me. They are both incredibly low-sleep-needs-children and I cannot bear having so little time to myself. I’ve not brushed my teeth for about four days. Not showered in a week. The only time I get to myself I genuinely just scare at the ceiling and disassociate. I hate every part of this phase and if i hear “you’ll miss it one day” i think i’ll actually bounce my head off a wall. I’m not enjoying it at all, i don’t feel like a good mother and im barely getting through the days. if i had anyone around that i could call so i could just leave for a few hours i would but theres no one around me.

If you have two babies, please tell me it gets easier, will it be when the boys can start interacting more, or playing together? I don’t know how long I can be in this tug of war of them both needing me constantly and i feel like a complete fucking failure. I’m at a point where I just don’t want to do this anymore. Is that normal or am i a really really shit vile mom?

Cereal in baby’s milk?

When are you guys adding cereal to baby’s milk??? My baby is 3 weeks old my mom and Aunt suggest starting the cereal just a little, but I don’t know how to feel about it. He’s eating almost 4 ounces every 3 to five hours and an ounce every 1 to 2 hours depending on how he’s feeling. I do not schedule feed I feed when he’s hungry and I go off of his cues. I can usually tell he’s hungry if he’s fussy and when he takes his Binky aggressively. not sure how to feel about the cereal or if I should try it and see how it goes.