In a relationship but basically doing on your own.

marriage disaster

I’ve been with my husband for about five years on and off, he was my high school sweetheart and we recently got married 3 and a half months ago, 1 week before I had our first baby (my second child, his first). it has been very up and down but I feel mostly a complete disaster since getting married and I have already been contemplating divorce for a full month because he is manipulative, controlling, and gaslights me on an almost daily basis since maybe a month or two before getting married. I don’t want to cut him off but I don’t feel comfortable being married and saying we’re committing our lives to each other knowing I want to leave him and be on my own. I want him to be in both my children’s lives and for us to stay on good (enough) terms but I don’t know how to go about that, any advice ?

Read more on Peanut

The views expressed in community are solely the opinions of participants, and do not reflect those of Peanut.

Learn more about our guidelines.

Add a comment

Sorry to be this person but why did you marry him in the first place if this was happening prior?

Is it possible that feeling like a disaster and let down by your partner has more to do with postpartum than marriage? I would wait until your baby is at least 1-2yrs if you’re generally safe! I’m sure your experience is valid, but you also don’t want to make life changing decisions during such an intense hormone shift. The last couple weeks of pregnancy and then the fourth trimester are such delicate stages, he’s adjusting too. Again, not excusing anything he’s done. Just might want to take a breath and try some other things before jumping straight to divorce.
I’m assuming because you still want him in your and the children’s lives that he’s not physically abusive or anything, it’s more of a potential romantic incompatibility issue. If that’s the case, there’s nothing urgent. You can both take time to go to therapy, adjust to parenting (especially with this being his first time), have mature conversations, and see if there is something in your marriage worth fighting for or not.

in our community

Childminder or nursery

I’ve noticed that most people in the UK talk about nurseries and how expensive they are, but hardly anyone mentions childminders. From what I understand, childminders are often more affordable, more flexible (for example, if you need to pick up your child a bit later), and they provide a more home-like environment.

They also usually involve a single main caregiver, which I feel can be really positive for attachment, especially for younger children.

So why don’t more people use childminders? Is there any stigma around them in the UK?

I’m asking because my baby goes to a childminder and I’m starting to worry—are they seen as a worse option? Personally, I see some downsides to nurseries too: they tend to be more expensive, and because there are many more children (often of different ages) in the same space, I feel like that can lead to a higher risk of illnesses spreading.

So I’m curious why nurseries seem to be the more popular choice.

Nursery costs

How much do you pay a month for nursery? And for how many hours?

Advice please - I need to approach work about asking for flexibility in school holidays

My little boy is due to start pre school in September and at the moment I work 3days a week but during the holidays I probably will only be able to get childcare for maybe 1 or 2 at the most.

How do I go about speaking to work, feel like im being such a pain asking?

Childcare for toddler during labour

For those of you who don't have any family or friends nearby enough to jump in to look after your older child, how did you manage labour and going to hospital to give birth? I'm only 5 weeks pregnant but already stressing about it!

Solids/food

Guys, where are we all standing on starting to introduce foods? My little one is nearly 5months and is really interested in food. My sister gave her a taste of a quaver on the weekend and I've never seen her so eager and happy. I dont know what to do

9 month free childcare hours

What an absolute joke the government funded hours are! My baby was born on the 10th July and is 9 months on the 10th April, which falls in the Easter holidays. But she isn’t entitled to any free hours until September when she will be over a year old??? She would have received them in April if she was born 10 days earlier?? 🤷🏻‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️