Partner contribution

Feeling very frustrated with my partner at the moment but not sure if I’m being selfish. He has gone back to work but is fully remote so works from home everyday. He sleeps in the spare room and has done since the moment we brought baby home (he is now 8 weeks old). He takes the baby one night over the weekend and I go into the spare room for one undisturbed nights sleep. I get that he is working, so wouldn’t be doing any weekday night feeds, but even after work he doesn’t help very much. I ask him to help me and he’s fine when the baby isn’t fussing but as soon as he starts crying he hands him back to me stating he “cannot do this”. I feel like I get no break. He watches me run up and down the stairs, making bottles tidying the house and does nothing to help, not even a thank you. I feel like I want to go back to work sooner rather than later to even the playing field as he said that when I start working it would be 50/50. Just wondering how everyone else is doing things with a working partner?

4

Read more on Peanut

The views expressed in community are solely the opinions of participants, and do not reflect those of Peanut.

Learn more about our guidelines.

Add a comment

working isn’t an excuse to not be a present partner and dad.

my partner was working long days + overtime and would still help with our son when he got home - take him so i could shower, help w one bottle feed at night, help with bath time etc. if he couldn’t deal with a baby, he shouldn’t have done the baby making girl

What on Earth does ‘I can’t do this’ even mean? I get if he needs a break when baby cries for ages but this is your kids you have to! When you challenge him on it what is the reasoning behind not being able to handle the baby?

He sounds selfish and irresponsible

This is frustrating. It seems to me maybe it's a bit of the classic routine where us Mums are super efficient with the kids so we just do everything ourselves so it's easier, then the men get used to doing nothing. When it actually comes to doing something they can't. A lot of men wait to be asked rather than say "here pass me the baby whilst you go and relax" or whatever.
As a couple and as parents you should start forming new habits now, break him out of this cycle where he doesn't help/feels he can't do it.
Maybe he takes the baby for an hour after work every day, as soon as he logs off he knows he's coming downstairs to play with baby or feed them or bath them, whatever. You can look forward to that time each day that's guaranteed for you and he will begin to build his confidence and skills.

in our community

Childminder or nursery

I’ve noticed that most people in the UK talk about nurseries and how expensive they are, but hardly anyone mentions childminders. From what I understand, childminders are often more affordable, more flexible (for example, if you need to pick up your child a bit later), and they provide a more home-like environment.

They also usually involve a single main caregiver, which I feel can be really positive for attachment, especially for younger children.

So why don’t more people use childminders? Is there any stigma around them in the UK?

I’m asking because my baby goes to a childminder and I’m starting to worry—are they seen as a worse option? Personally, I see some downsides to nurseries too: they tend to be more expensive, and because there are many more children (often of different ages) in the same space, I feel like that can lead to a higher risk of illnesses spreading.

So I’m curious why nurseries seem to be the more popular choice.

27

Nursery costs

How much do you pay a month for nursery? And for how many hours?

22

Advice please - I need to approach work about asking for flexibility in school holidays

My little boy is due to start pre school in September and at the moment I work 3days a week but during the holidays I probably will only be able to get childcare for maybe 1 or 2 at the most.

How do I go about speaking to work, feel like im being such a pain asking?

13

Childcare for toddler during labour

For those of you who don't have any family or friends nearby enough to jump in to look after your older child, how did you manage labour and going to hospital to give birth? I'm only 5 weeks pregnant but already stressing about it!

9

9 month free childcare hours

What an absolute joke the government funded hours are! My baby was born on the 10th July and is 9 months on the 10th April, which falls in the Easter holidays. But she isn’t entitled to any free hours until September when she will be over a year old??? She would have received them in April if she was born 10 days earlier?? 🤷🏻‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️

13