Partner contribution

Feeling very frustrated with my partner at the moment but not sure if I’m being selfish. He has gone back to work but is fully remote so works from home everyday. He sleeps in the spare room and has done since the moment we brought baby home (he is now 8 weeks old). He takes the baby one night over the weekend and I go into the spare room for one undisturbed nights sleep. I get that he is working, so wouldn’t be doing any weekday night feeds, but even after work he doesn’t help very much. I ask him to help me and he’s fine when the baby isn’t fussing but as soon as he starts crying he hands him back to me stating he “cannot do this”. I feel like I get no break. He watches me run up and down the stairs, making bottles tidying the house and does nothing to help, not even a thank you. I feel like I want to go back to work sooner rather than later to even the playing field as he said that when I start working it would be 50/50. Just wondering how everyone else is doing things with a working partner?

Read more on Peanut

The views expressed in community are solely the opinions of participants, and do not reflect those of Peanut.

Learn more about our guidelines.

Add a comment

working isn’t an excuse to not be a present partner and dad.

my partner was working long days + overtime and would still help with our son when he got home - take him so i could shower, help w one bottle feed at night, help with bath time etc. if he couldn’t deal with a baby, he shouldn’t have done the baby making girl

He sounds selfish and irresponsible

This is frustrating. It seems to me maybe it's a bit of the classic routine where us Mums are super efficient with the kids so we just do everything ourselves so it's easier, then the men get used to doing nothing. When it actually comes to doing something they can't. A lot of men wait to be asked rather than say "here pass me the baby whilst you go and relax" or whatever.
As a couple and as parents you should start forming new habits now, break him out of this cycle where he doesn't help/feels he can't do it.
Maybe he takes the baby for an hour after work every day, as soon as he logs off he knows he's coming downstairs to play with baby or feed them or bath them, whatever. You can look forward to that time each day that's guaranteed for you and he will begin to build his confidence and skills.

He sounds very selfish. My partner is a chef so wales up around 6am for work. Most nights he sleeps all night. But next to me in our bed. But the minute he gets home he takes our son so I can shower or sleep. And I’ll get a solid 4-6 hours of undisputed sleep before we all go to bed. And on his days off he has our son all night but keeps him downstairs so I can get 2 nights off. I don’t have to ask and either should you. It seems like he wants the nice bits of having a baby rather than the feeding and changing. I’d talk to him about it now rather than waiting and letting him get used to it !

My partner who works full time (2x in office 3x at home) does the cleaning of the house and cooks dinner 4x a week. I take care of our baby girl night and days up until about 7pm where he takes over for about 3hrs (working days), so I take over again around 9:30pm. I sleep with her in a separate room 5 to 6 nights a week and he has her for the night on Fridays and sometimes Saturdays (depending if I need the rest or not). On weekends we try to split the time looking after her equally. She is 10 weeks old

in our community

Been called a horrible parent

So my partner has called me a horrible parent, pathetic and selfish

So basically our son has toys in his room and he finds the biggest one to stand on to climb over his baby gate and then after this he has free reign of the whole house... He's worked out how to unlock child locks on the fridge and cupboards so this morning for example he helped himself to a yoghurt and even a spoon from the drawer where the knives are.

So I've switched the baby gate to a more difficult one to open because he even worked out bow to open the gate, and Ive most of his toys out his room and now my partner had called me selfish because I want to lie in a morning, which is true but I don't want my self and our daughter to be woken up at 5-6am when my alarm is set between 7am and 7:45am I usually wake between those times anyway.

Came home from work tonight and all my partner has done is try to argue his point that I should get the locks you put on the doors and so be can't get anywhere around the house and even said put it on our door but he kicked off when I said we can put it on his door instead arguing what if he's sick and chokes on it or if something happens and we can't hear but it would be the same thing if we put it on our door...

My son is 4 and he may have autism, but calling me a horrible parent is just uncalled for because yeah I don't wanna be woke up at the crack of dawn but at the same time I want my fucking child to be safe! He came down to the kitchen this morning before even entering our bedroom...

How do I just walk away from 3-4-5yrs of a relationship with two kids whom I never even wanted ever in my life

But now mean everything to me. I mean shit what am I scared of ??? I have both my kids why tf dnt I just fuckin leave this abusive relationship every day he tells me stfu you are fuckin annoying asf stfu

C section

My partner got kicked out the room while I was being stitched up during my emergency c section and showed his mum our baby boy before I could even look at him without being drugged up. He’s called me childish for being hurt by this. He said he was crying and that’s why. But wouldn’t your first thought be if I’m okay not to FaceTime ur mum while I’m still in theatre. Was being the first one to hold him not enough? Thoughts?

What is everyone paying for a babysitter?

Let's say once a week for 4 hours how much are you giving per hour?
I'm in the process of hiring a new babysitter and am surprised with how many people asking for $25 an hour with no degree and little experience. My previous babysitter was happy with $10 an hour but unfortunately we moved. Is anyone paying $25+ for a babysitter??

Do you like your husband family?

I guess what i mean is do you have to like them? I dont, i dont like my MIL and i really dont like my SIL ( i do like my Father in law and his new wife)

If you dont like them, is it acceptable to tell your husband.?

Baby daddy issues

My partner and I values do not align at all. while he’s a good father and is a nice guy . he’s also downright lazy and cheap and I come home working a full-time job to a messy house and I’m just having to do everything. I’m exhausted and while I love my baby more than anything in the world and she’s literally the best thing that’s ever happened to me. I sometimes wonder if I had her with the right person. Anyone ever feel this way? Any advice? He also complains that I’m always angry or frustrated well now you know why.