Partner/Husband Support

I'm engaged and dealing with this now. I'm debating on what to do because we had a plan on giving me time to myself once he gets home. He adhered to the plan in the beginning. Now, not so much. And I've been overwhelmed. I tried to talk about it and he got defensive.

I work but I'm still on maternity leave.

We talked extensively about the roles and responsibilities for both of us before I quit my job. My mom was a SAHM and had to do everything. So I was very open with my husband about how I wanted this to go. He understands the importance of me being at home and sees how it helps us all.

Honestly it has all gone a lot better than I ever expected

He was so helpful when I was pregnant and during labor. Even cried during birth because he was scared for my safety. Took over for like 2-3 weeks postpartum and then stopped. He comes in and takes him for 5-10 min, changes 1 diaper or 2 and hands him back to me. My son is still a newborn. I'm breastfeeding every 1 1/2hr or 2 and pumping multiple times a day as well. In his mind he's helping enough.

I mean I don’t do EVERYTHING like the yard isn’t my responsibility for example and he cooks dinner on the weekends but the vast majority of cleaning is my job and that’s fine because that’s what I’m choosing when I chose to be a homemaker. I’m making a home. Realistically I’m in it all day long and have the time and he is working 12 hours with a commute that totals 3 hours. He arrives home at 4am and wakes up at 11am for work, I would never see him exit the bedroom at 11 and start asking him to clean. When I worked a 9-5 in an office we split things more, that also meant he didn’t have to work as much so he had time and energy to help. Being a SAHM is hard but I will always be eternally grateful he works so hard to make this a reality for our family, we both provide for each other in our own ways but he is the only one sacrificing being with his child. He misses so much time that I’ve never had to give up.

Not really tbh. I have my degree and could pretty easily go back to teaching. My parents would also step in to help.

But I honestly just don’t worry too much about out it. Which I understand is incredibly privileged. I’m always vaguely on the lookout for red flags because of my childhood. But I am my father’s daughter. So I would have the bank accounts drained before my husband knew what was going on.

If something happened, I would figure it out. But he would be scrambling too. His whole life would also be turned upside down. So him making the money doesn’t really mean anything.

I wouldn't say "fairly" because my husband and I have been together a long time and we don't keep track of who does what. We work together. Sometimes he ends up doing more. Sometimes I do. We never resent it because it's all about managing the house together.

When it comes to childcare, it's not a chore. We both want a relationship with our child. We both put in effort to make that happen. We spend time with her because we love doing it, not because someone has to.

I do agree I see a lot of women on Peanut complaining about this - but I'd hope that it's because people are more likely to post vents than positive experiences. I don't post about how wonderful my husband is because it feels like bragging, and I don't want others to feel bad.

He was so wonderful and helpful when our eldest was 0-6 months old but it slowly declined after that… we got pregnant again and this pregnancy opened my eyes to how much alone I actually am in everything (the housework, raising our daughter, cooking every meal and packing lunches, making sure there’s at least some food for our girl to eat in the house, the bills being paid on time, etc if I asked for help he’d complain or roll his eyes and do the bear minimum of the help I asked for example he’d move the laundry to the dryer but wouldn’t start it on purpose after I asked if he could please move it to the dryer and start it so our girl can have clean clothes for school the next day) so I left and I’m surprised with the results.. sure there are rough days 32 weeks pregnant, trying to raise a toddler, living back at home with my parents but it’s become extremely less stressful then living with my “fiancé”