How would you feel towards them???

Every excuse seems to me to be perfectly reasonable and warranted

At 30+ life really starts lifing. It seems like that’s exactly what’s going on & while I can understand the disappointment, your response shows a sense of entitlement instead of empathy for things going on in those close to you. Honestly, once you’re out of kid years, parties seem less appealing for most. Do something with your partner that you two can enjoy together instead of planning for disappointment & resentment

Multiple have kids. They didnt use the kids as the excuse. But also theyve had a year to plan this off. Why keep me on the hook for a year just to blow me off the last minute? Why waste a year of my life planning shit instead of just saying from the beginning. No I cant/wont go. Its that simple!!! Dont waste peoples fucking time, energy, and money for over a year!!! Its rude as hell!

I understand being upset, but I would assume a test for his health is way more important than a party. Should he request he finds out if he has a heart issue the day after the party instead? It's teetering a little entitled. I know there's probably a lot of money and time that you feel you've wasted, but time for plan B. These things happen. Also sounds like they're not *your* friends, so I wouldn't really feel any type of way about them personally if I were you. Annoying situation though, yes

Is this on a weekday? I assume so as so many people are needing to book time off, I would think a weekend celebration would be easier!
This is why I hate birthday parties! 🙄

Why are you planning a 30th birthday party a year in advance? There isn't any birthday party worth taking vacation for in my opinion. It seems like you planned this a year in advance expecting people to treat it like a wedding, not a birthday party. Birthdays also don't need to be celebrated on the actual day. I'd see if there are other dates that might work for your friends.

To be honest, I think planning it too far ahead was a mistake. Also it sounds like it’s on a weekday?? Which is also not a great idea 😕 Nonetheless, I can understand being frustrated or disappointed.

Yea.... I can understand your issue with some of these but the person getting an echo? I dont care if it was my momma's birthday. If I am having heart issues and this is the ONLY day I can get in, I'm gonna get answers. Its insane that you expect your friend to risk their health for a birthday party.

I understand being upset or sad since you’re trying to plan something but everyone has their own lives too and at that age I’d say birthday parties are the last thing on peoples mind 😅😅 I wouldn’t hate people over this

How many are now able to come?
Maybe have it at a friends house instead ?

Tbh u have to take into consideration whats going on …. Inflation, war, job losses, child care struggles… there is so much. I mean if they are local … i dont really see why they couldnt show up. If it requires travel and accommodations then i can somewhat understand. Are you able to maybe do a getaway and have the loved ones make a video and maybe put together a video collage? Or maybe a zoom meeting in addition to party for those who want to join in. I did a virtual zoom gender reveal baby shower because people were all over…. And i didn’t want them to travel or not show.

I am confused, someone can't take time off work and another can't give up a weekend?

So this is a weekend that people have to travel.

I'd be trying to turn up to my friends 30th.

My bestie helped organise mine (went above and beyond) and drove 7 hours to spend the weekend and then drove 7hours home.

A year in advance is plenty of time but sometimes life happens.

I found out my Nana had stage 4 cancer the day before my cousins 18th birthday party (another cousin on that sides actual 18th birthday) and the day after her actual birthday (other side of the family to my Nana) but still turned up and partied. I was completely heart broken though and struggling to process her diagnosis and what I knew was coming.

My Nana passed away 2 days later.

My sister and some friends organised a christmas get together and she got sick and wound up in hospital. She came home and wound up back in hospital with complications. She came home again and the get together was reorganised....

....day of, again, she was readmitted to the hospital. The group decided to carry on without her, which she suggested and was cool with.

During that time my parents readjusted plans for their upcoming holiday with my brother and SIL to be there for my sister.

I made plans with my bestie for one weekend last year, on the thursday she fell and dislocated her knee so our plans where put on hold.

I had plans with my family for Christmas, 2 years ago, and had to cancel 3 days before hand as my son wound up in hospital. He was in and out for 3 days before being admitted overnight and spending Christmas Eve and Day in hospital.

Life has a way of interfering with your plans.

Your feelings are valid but their excuses are likely just as valid.

It sucks but adjust your plan. Doesn't mean the birthday boy can't have an amazing day!

I hate when people say this. When you’ve got kids there is no “planning in advance”. It’s not as simple as that.

For example, my friends booked a wedding abroad and told us a year before. Then 2 weeks before their wedding my parents couldn’t take our son anymore whilst we went because my dad ended up in hospital. We then could no longer go.

Too much time in advance can actually cause wayyyy more issues.

Life happens. Good friends understand life can get in the way.

You know, its almost like all of them (all grown men) agreed to do a three day trip-during the week-because thats what they had all preferred, when scheduling this. THEY chose the dates! They chose to accept invites. They chose to accept plans then cancel LAST minute after everything has been done and paid for. They chose to lead a good woman along. A good woman just trying to make sure her partners milestone birthday is one to never forget! I rented an airbnb for myself and the kids so they could have the run of the house and not worry about coming and going at all hours. I rented a battlehouse. I paid for things AFTER they all confirmed and now everyone has canceled and I’ve lost all that money and not only that but battlehouse is not something he can do by himself or with one person its a huge group thing. Ive also lost out on the chef I rented for one of their dinners. Are yall offering to pay it back orrr just want to attack me for their choices?

With the added info, they still aren't necessarily AH's for not coming but they most certainly for not paying you back for everything you organised that they agreed to and then back out of.

Could you text them and explain and ask for them to contribute? I feel like that is fair.

Sorry ypu lost all the money because they cancelled last minute.

It's totally weird so many of them did this.

Your feelings are valid!

The echo gets a pass. I had to miss my grandmothers birthday party one year for a brain scan to figure out how to treat my epilepsy. Be irked at the others but leave the heart scan out of it, i have to schedule my neurologist almost a year out and have to move my life around the one availible appointment. That makes total sense to me.

Id just pivot and if you plan things in the future, just let problamatic guests know that it ks better for them to cancel earlier than last minute and its ok if they dont want to come