Stubborn husband
Hi! I’m a new mum to a 5 week old baby boy and there is zero routine!
My husband is so good at helping me despite being at work full time. He still does at-least 50% of the housework and cooking and gets up once in the night to feed the baby.
I do the other 50% and then look after the baby during the day and do all bar the 1 night feed.
Whenever I get overwhelmed my husband steps in and will take the baby - however, whenever he’s clearly overwhelmed he will not give me the baby!
Last night for example, the baby woke up at 4:30, my husband got him back to sleep, 35 mins later he woke up, my husband insisted it was his turn so went to put him back to bed, he got him back to sleep at 6, put the baby back in bed and he started to wake up straight away - each time he came back in the room I could just tell he was getting more stressed out but he would not take my offer to swap, despite the fact he needed to be up and getting ready for work by 7:30 and had been up settling him for over 2 hours.
I think he just wants to do an amazing job, which is lovely, but how do i make sure he’s willing to accept my help? Did anyone else’s husband/partner react to having a newborn like this?
He massively struggles with change and has dealt with depression previously so I worry about how having a newborn who is so unpredictable is effecting him.
Tia x
When did you know…?
When did you know you were done with your marriage?
It feels like a never ending cycle of me just ending up totally fed up and touched out. There’s no infidelity, no big dramas, just constantly being and feeling misunderstood and misheard. He is a good person, but he is not a great “match” for me as a husband I feel. No matter how many times I explain to him to stop being defensive, to just hear me out and not jump to assuming what I mean instead of hearing what I say I mean… he just doesn’t get it. Then a big argument, then we don’t talk and then he just apologises one random night and admits he’s wrong and wonders why I don’t care to hear it. I just feel exhausted with this, I don’t have the energy or the time to put in trying to explain emotional intelligence to a grown human being you know?
He is kind and gentle, and for a fiery person like myself he was what I needed for a long time. Since having our daughter I have been a much calmer, optimistic and kinder person in general. But I have also become less patient and tolerant for idiots and their bullshit behaviour. On top of struggling with libido postpartum I have less sexual attraction to him because of the way he goes about these things. He asks stupid questions, doesn’t understand how much I carry mentally. We’ve talked about therapy before, he is on board but I almost can’t even be bothered for it? I just don’t see the point when I don’t have the patience for the same conversations over and over again. Will therapy help us? Or am I too far done in this marriage? I don’t even know what life looks like outside of him, we’ve been together for 11.5 years. He’s a good father, our daughter loves him but I fear that the standards he unknowingly sets here is what she will settle for in a man and I just want so much more for my girl. I don’t want her to grow up with a numb mother, one who is just forever disappointed.
Is this what other women experience before they tap out? I am exhausted honestly.
