When did you know…?

When did you know you were done with your marriage?
It feels like a never ending cycle of me just ending up totally fed up and touched out. There’s no infidelity, no big dramas, just constantly being and feeling misunderstood and misheard. He is a good person, but he is not a great “match” for me as a husband I feel. No matter how many times I explain to him to stop being defensive, to just hear me out and not jump to assuming what I mean instead of hearing what I say I mean… he just doesn’t get it. Then a big argument, then we don’t talk and then he just apologises one random night and admits he’s wrong and wonders why I don’t care to hear it. I just feel exhausted with this, I don’t have the energy or the time to put in trying to explain emotional intelligence to a grown human being you know?
He is kind and gentle, and for a fiery person like myself he was what I needed for a long time. Since having our daughter I have been a much calmer, optimistic and kinder person in general. But I have also become less patient and tolerant for idiots and their bullshit behaviour. On top of struggling with libido postpartum I have less sexual attraction to him because of the way he goes about these things. He asks stupid questions, doesn’t understand how much I carry mentally. We’ve talked about therapy before, he is on board but I almost can’t even be bothered for it? I just don’t see the point when I don’t have the patience for the same conversations over and over again. Will therapy help us? Or am I too far done in this marriage? I don’t even know what life looks like outside of him, we’ve been together for 11.5 years. He’s a good father, our daughter loves him but I fear that the standards he unknowingly sets here is what she will settle for in a man and I just want so much more for my girl. I don’t want her to grow up with a numb mother, one who is just forever disappointed.
Is this what other women experience before they tap out? I am exhausted honestly. 🫩

in our community

Childminder or nursery

I’ve noticed that most people in the UK talk about nurseries and how expensive they are, but hardly anyone mentions childminders. From what I understand, childminders are often more affordable, more flexible (for example, if you need to pick up your child a bit later), and they provide a more home-like environment.

They also usually involve a single main caregiver, which I feel can be really positive for attachment, especially for younger children.

So why don’t more people use childminders? Is there any stigma around them in the UK?

I’m asking because my baby goes to a childminder and I’m starting to worry—are they seen as a worse option? Personally, I see some downsides to nurseries too: they tend to be more expensive, and because there are many more children (often of different ages) in the same space, I feel like that can lead to a higher risk of illnesses spreading.

So I’m curious why nurseries seem to be the more popular choice.

Partner contribution

Feeling very frustrated with my partner at the moment but not sure if I’m being selfish. He has gone back to work but is fully remote so works from home everyday. He sleeps in the spare room and has done since the moment we brought baby home (he is now 8 weeks old). He takes the baby one night over the weekend and I go into the spare room for one undisturbed nights sleep. I get that he is working, so wouldn’t be doing any weekday night feeds, but even after work he doesn’t help very much. I ask him to help me and he’s fine when the baby isn’t fussing but as soon as he starts crying he hands him back to me stating he “cannot do this”. I feel like I get no break. He watches me run up and down the stairs, making bottles tidying the house and does nothing to help, not even a thank you. I feel like I want to go back to work sooner rather than later to even the playing field as he said that when I start working it would be 50/50. Just wondering how everyone else is doing things with a working partner?

9 month free childcare hours

What an absolute joke the government funded hours are! My baby was born on the 10th July and is 9 months on the 10th April, which falls in the Easter holidays. But she isn’t entitled to any free hours until September when she will be over a year old??? She would have received them in April if she was born 10 days earlier?? 🤷🏻‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️

Marriage problems

Anyone having marriage problems since having your baby? I am struggling so much because I feel so alone in it. He’s not the same person I married. And I can’t talk about it with anyone.

Since I gave birth, I don’t see a reason to stay in my relationship.

Since I’ve had my baby I feel like having a partner is so unnecessary to me. Don’t get me wrong I love my partner and he is amazing but there’s so many things he does that frustrate me and I’m starting to realise that i don’t really need a man because he’s already fulfilled the role of giving me a child.

Today it hit me more than ever. So my partner has been up at 3am for work and he’s been working super hard and lifting all day so fair enough . Anyway he was too tired to drive me to the corner shop which is 5 minutes away. Now I don’t drive (I’m learning) so me and our 5 month old son had to walk half an hour to the shop and half an hour back to get food so I could cook dinner.

Baring in mind we live in the middle of nowhere so I had to walk down country lanes which is dangerous as cars zoom past and there is no footpath. It was also 6:30pm so it was getting dark and it was raining.

By the time we were walking back it was pitch black and the rain had turned into a storm and my umbrella broke and I was soaking wet trying to cover my baby who was attached to me via a baby carrier. I called up my man and told him to pick us up straight away as our baby was getting wet.

Now I’m sat here like why tf should I put up with this foolishness. I live with my auntie so I have a roof over my head, me and my family are close and they support me in every which way. I don’t rely on my partner financially so why am I in a relationship. I love him but that’s pretty much the only reason I’m with him when you look at it. My son is my whole heart and he’s my reason to live so why am I with someone who I have to clean up after and cook for. I mean everything that comes with having a boyfriend/husband I get from my friends and family, minus sex obviously but I have a vibrator for that lmao.

I’m just thinking that the Cons out weigh the pros here. I also solo parent 98% of the time and do all the feeds during the night so what’s the benefit here.

Solids/food

Guys, where are we all standing on starting to introduce foods? My little one is nearly 5months and is really interested in food. My sister gave her a taste of a quaver on the weekend and I've never seen her so eager and happy. I dont know what to do