Husband things it's only HIS money.

You both decided to be parents not just you so he needs to recognise the value you are bringing to the relationship by raising the children and taking care of the household.
This needs to be compensated fairly, otherwise you should withdraw your work (cleaning, cooking etc) from the table and see how fair he think that is.
What is wrong with men!

You are staying home and taking care of the children and household which is plenty off work. He knows that because I’m sure he would never want to reverse the roles. Being a SAHM is exhausting and has no break, you don’t get to leave work and go home, it’s 24/7. He knows you don’t have any other finances and as a married couple, yes, finances should be shared. If you went to work, he would have to pay for daycare or a nanny anyway and that costs plenty of money so there’s no reason for him to act like that unless he wants to have full control. Not saying you should go on shopping sprees but you absolutely deserve access to finances. He’s being controlling.

Honestly, I’d get a job. Even if you don’t get an office job and you clean houses or boutiques a few days a week to earn your own.
That’s so controlling and it’s not right. Did you guys have a talk about how money would be used once you became a SAHM? If my husband did this to me, I would talk with him about loosening the reigns and if that didn’t work I’d leave for a while, visit my mum or something.

My man knows he would have to work with or without us so why is supporting ur family and loved ones so bad is how I see it. When I ask him for things it’s ofc babe unless we are so tight we can’t make bills, he dosent give me a limit on what he gives me or how he supports us until it’s needed financially and that pretty rare. I’m going to start cleaning houses on weekends and start doordashing when I can to help contribute but that’s all I can do and if they can’t appreciate that we are raising the future and need support through that not only for our child but also for our self’s because your not being selfish or anything wanting more for hobbies and enjoying things we have to be happy to make others happy and no that’s not his responsibility but he could make u feel like ur supported more and less controlled is how I’m seeing it!

this is hard,
my partner and i went back and forth about money things to the point where we decided that if we want things we keep £100 or so in our own accounts and that the rest is in a joint account. as long as we don’t have any huge £1000 purchases for flat screens or holidays then it’s fine. i would try have a conversation about instead of him “giving you money” for stuff which is a bit annoying reframing it as there’s £1000 in the joint account for groceries and any pleasures for you. that way if money roles over to the next month great, if not then you’ve done something for you or the kids.
you are married, you’re not trying to steal his money, you’re trying to enjoy motherhood. try speak to him regarding this idea and see if he has a reasonable response.

Also, His money(or anything else) is no longer His. He married you and you’re a family raising children together so it becomes Ours. I will never understand how men want women to stay at home, clean, cook, and take care of the children but also don’t want to be providers for their family. You’re his wife and those are his children, it’s not an act of charity and you’re not a servant or maid. I’m sorry you’re experiencing that, no it’s not okay.

I personally think you’re sleeping with your enemy 🤷🏽‍♀️. This is financial abuse👀😬. It’s his money is crazy to say given your sacrifice. You don’t have access to your husband funds or any funds period. It’s not that you’re not enough. It’s a him problem. He wants to control you. He is controlling you. You should be authorized to access “his” account. Discussion on big purchases are reasonable but so is updating wardrobes..

Personally I don’t find this normal. My husband covers everything then gives me X amount to spend on myself or outings with my daughter etc. he sounds resentful that he is a provider and a bit of a tight arse

“His opinion is that he works and it is HIS money”

Oh hellllll no! 😤 Girl you are being financially abused. This shit is 100% NOT NORMAL!

You’re married. You’re meant to be a team! 🤦🏽‍♀️

Sounds like you need to divorce him and take back what is owed to you. This is NOT a good man. Men who think like this never change. He sees no value in you being a SAHM. Let him find out the hard way just how much money you were actually saving him by taking your half!

Having a parent stay at home benefits everyone. Tell him to get over himself or I would go back to work.

Joint decision = joint account. Him having that much control is not fair.

Me and my partner do not control each other's spending but discuss big purchases and occassionaly speak up if we feel the other has spent a little too much/or we're just generally questioning why money is low

We both end up with about £100 each that we can spend on ourselves. He works full time and me part tine so I actually think £100 on yourself seems pretty fair.

We have a spreadsheet so we see our overall spends. Sounds super boring but we both know where all our money is going , how much things cost and budget accordingly .

I’m a sahm, we use a lot of cash and tbh I just go and get what I need half the time. If I need money transferring (for nursery or some expense) I just ask him. I don’t get given an allowance and he would never say to me you can have x amount and that’s it.
I think especially because he eats a lot of steaks which I usually go and buy for him, plus he’s conscious of me buying organic especially for the kids.
I would never demand access to his bank accounts (as in to be able to see what there is) but from almost the beginning of our relationship he’s always allowed me access to his money - not that I would try and spend it but it was there if I ever needed it.
I think it sounds like you need to maybe find a job as this situation isn’t suiting you and although I think he has a terrible attitude, I imagine it’ll be quite hard to change it. If he wants you to be a sahm then he needs to provide more for you to be able to do that

I disagree. Then her husband will have to step up and do some things at home too. And if he won’t, then he is a bad guy and at least she has a job to leave him

I’m also a SAHM. We didn’t have a joint bank account for the first couple years together but that’s because we both still had income coming in(him working and mine from disability). Now that we have kids we’ve relooked at our finances and decided to get a joint account since it’s not just personal spending anymore. If my husband only gave me pocket change to pay for groceries and baby stuff, I’d think that was very silly as prices change and it’s not cheap. We also just find that it’s easier to share our money.

If you both agreed you should be a SAHM then you should not be this restricted. He has complete financial control over you which is not okay.

This is not normal. Everything needs to be shared with you- bank accounts, cards, passwords, bills, everything. This should be true regardless of if you’re a SAHM or not. But as one, he also needs to get educated as to what it would cost to replace you and everything you do (childcare, chef, driving, laundry, home upkeep, etc). You are BOTH working parents.

I just wanted to say huge thank you to all of you who took time to reply to my post. I am so happy I had a chance to get it out of my chest and being listened to. I also relised that the way we set it up is not healthy and good and somethings will need to change. I will think about the way and how to approach him and offer constructive solution so that we can be bkth satisfied. He cannot be the only one controlling everything anymore and I will need some more freedom and knowledge as to where we stand financialy so then when I get back to work in about 2 years time we will just continue sharing everything together. But it is not gonna be my money and your money anymore.

I feel so lost and very unapreciated in a way that whenever I have a hard day amd ask him to do the dishes in the evening his response will be well I was working whole day and now I need to do dishes? When he makes himself some food or snacks he doesn't think about wiping the kitchen or cooker after sometimes I feel like he is a grown up kid.

And instead of supporting each other I feel lonely and doing everything on my own because his reply to this always is "YOU ARE AT HOME and I work"... yes but I do work too... and mum's work is 24/7, he will never aknowledge that.

But I am very happy for all of your comments and sharing experiences. Thank you all.❤️❤️❤️ We are in this together.

This is not ok! He either needs to give you more money or you need to have access to his online account.

If you’re married then it’s YOUR money too. Period. You’re not a child earning your keep. The only time this is okay is if it’s a mutual agreement between the spouses. Otherwise no this is not okay.

You all beautiful ladies gave me so many arguments and words to use when I talk to him about this matter and I know what to say when he will try to get his truth. It is so comforting knowing I am not alone. Just reading all of your comments makes me feel valued meaning that some of you took time to reply and help.. thank you so much. I wish it would work out between us I love him and I believe he does love me too I just think he simply doesn't realise (at least I hope so) that he is causing me so much pain and sadness. That he just doesn't know how it should be in a marriage because I played along for a cery long time as long as he did not start to get over obsessed with saving...

Ask for access to his account or get a joint account ,