MIL not listening

I would agree with your husband, girl. Thats your child. Not MILs

Ask her- why won’t you feed my child? And then… If you won’t feed her as I’ve asked you won’t be able to look after her anymore.

I totally get being grateful for her helping you. What I don’t understand is why she won’t feed your baby? I would ask why, or have your husband ask. If she won’t… then maybe just say I’m skipping the gym for a while so I won’t be needing you…. But thank you. Idk… bc I wouldn’t want her to watch her either, and I get not wanting to cause a fall out. That’s rough. It just doesn’t make sense why she wouldn’t feed her? That’s neglectful I feel like. Poor baby was starving. They can’t communicate yet, so why she’s not trusting you on her cues is wild to me. I’m so sorry you’re going through this.

It seems like you’ve asked her multiple times to feed your baby at this point I’d just tell her she’s not welcome around since she keeps neglecting your baby

I agree with your husband. I know it’s nice having help and getting a break but her refusing to feed her and just having her sleep is not actually watching her or even taking care of her

It’s really hard when they don’t listen, I had the same thing except without my partner being as on the same page. It used to infuriate me that baby would come home hungry and with the routine totally out of the window. Tbh I stopped letting mil look after him much because although I had a break for 2 hours it actually just made the rest of the day and night hard work for me

Why tho?? Have you adked her why she doesn't feed the baby?? Whatever her reason it's hers and it's valid to her.
I'd say stop forcing her to babysit if you don't agree with her ways. So long as she is a good gma and she can still see her grandchild freely I see no reason why she should be expected to watch bub alone if you're not comfortable. Make alternative arrangements.

I had this sort of issue with my MIL and diaper changes. They watched him for 4 hours and NEVER changed it, it was busting when we got home.
Then happened 3 more times. I finally just blatantly asked her.
She very rudely admitted
“Well Karl doesn’t do diapers (FIL, who is a sweetheart and would gladly do it) you’re so specific about how you do it! I didn’t want to mess up, it’s been 25 years. Maybe someone could show me how again! Then I’ll be better at helping how you expect”
My response was I would have expected you to ask if you didn’t know instead of leaving your grandson with diaper rashes he never has.

(&By specific? She just meant that I was taught a NICU nurse so I was fast. I literally hardly even use diaper cream, because I’m on top of his changes though.)

Anyway, moral of my story is just ask her why she refuses to care for the baby properly when she’s with her when even blatantly directed a timeframe and how to.

I totally understand. Sorry I didn't mean to use force i meant to use "asking" .
But if it's interfering with bubs health and wellbeing then you have to tackle it head on yk. No ifs or buts. Ask hubby to talk to her..if not possible you have a gentle chat w her if not working then you'll have to stop the visits till bub is older or something.... maybe y'all go together for visit ... just be gentle while tackling it. Owise I wouldn't leave bub with her if they won't atleast do what you want which is a very simple ask. And since you said she does feed if you give the bottle then do just that !!! Work around it as it's not that urgent as you have mentioned. If bib is fully full when she arrives they can Def stay 3 hours till you return even if they get abit hungry.

Aaww hope so. But I don't think asking her to do housework is the right thing tho lol. I think y'all just need to hang out with her 🤷🏾‍♀️😅 maybe go shopping then lunch with her idk lol. Unless she's OK doing housework lol. I think doing things with her is better than specific things. Hopefully it goes smoothly.

Oh ok. Phew lol. Yes that's a good idea then pop in with the feed lol.

Honey, the well-being of your baby is far more important than your feelings or you wanting to keep the peace so your husband doesn't lose what little family he has. I know you said she's not being "dangerously starved" but it doesn't matter! It's still extremely messed up to ignore a baby's hunger cues to the point that they wake up crying! Especially a newborn (a baby is considered a newborn when they're under 3 months old) And the audacity for her to think she knows better than nurses and refusal to give you your baby. WTF!? I would have been pissed. Being on the spectrum is no excuse!