AITA?

So my bf (30m) and I (26f) have 2 kids (5 years and 1 yr). He barely helps me (changes 1 diaper a week, doesn’t cook dinner, doesn’t drive, doesn’t support me or the kids emotionally or spiritually, etc.) So today I’m exhausted I homeschool and I just lost my job a few weeks ago so I’m actively job searching (my career is done remotely). He bought food earlier for himself and our 5 year old because I had a lactation appt with my son and then we had mommy and me story time where they provided food. Then I came home and he told me he’d order some food for dinner. So I didn’t cook anything. It’s past dinner time like 8pm and I’m like where’s the food and he goes “I’m not ordering nothing I buy food for lunch everyday since you don’t cook me food for lunch.” And now I’m irritated because I coulda took some meat out since everything is frozen I don’t have anything to feed our daughter right now. I got mad and told him leave me alone I need some alone time I didn’t wanna take my anger out on anyone in the house. Instead of giving me space he forced our 5 year old to stay in the room with me knowing I need space and then gets in the shower. Then after he gets in he gets dressed and comes in here trying to tickle me and gets aggressive when I tell him to stop picks me up throws me on the bed which I hurt my leg then he calls me fragile and tells our daughter to tickle me while I’m in pain so I get even more mad and tell her not to and to stop she doesn’t listen because she thinks I’m playing. So now it’s 11pm, my child still hasn’t eaten, and my leg hurts. I’m just so tired of his toxic ass bs.

On top of this, he’s a 50/50 type person so even though I have barely any income he wants me to pay half the rent $900, car payment and insurance $500, utilities $85, as well as personal expenses and things for the kids. I get food stamps so I don’t worry about that but there’s days when I’m just exhausted and don’t feel like cooking. He refuses to help or he says “I work 11 hours m-f” which btw he’s a security guard so he literally sits on his ass on his phone or he’s walking around doing nothing.

in our community

Am I just complaining?

am i just complaining or is this actually unfair?

my partner works 9–6 monday to friday
and i stay home with the baby all day

i don’t mind doing chores during the week, makes sense to me

but when he comes home, gets on the game, and then goes to sleep
and on weekends i’m still the one doing everything

like… when do i get a break?

i’m not saying he doesn’t work hard
but taking care of a baby all day isn’t easy either

so am i just complaining… or is this actually not balanced?

Would you send your child here?

Would you send your child to a preschool that offers access to a live streaming video for “your little one’s safety and your peace of mind”? Why or why not?

Am I being paranoid or gaslit?

I feel like I am being constantly gaslit by my husband over things that to me, should be common sense, but to him I’m “being dramatic” and “he won’t do that”

For example our son has just started crawling, we already have a baby gate at the top of the stairs but I want one for the bathroom door too because the actual door we have doesn’t shut properly and I don’t want him going in there and playing with the toilet brush and stuff like that, my husband said I was being stupid and “why would he do that he’s not stupid” and he thinks we should only have a gate at the top of the stairs and that’s it and any more I’m being obsessive about them, I also want one over the kitchen and bottom of stairs but again apparently that’s too much!

Another example I told him he has to turn his extension lead off at the wall now baby is crawling because I don’t want him to chew the phone charger or play with the sockets etc, he told me I was being ridiculous and “nothing will happen to him stop being paranoid”

Earlier I caught him texting while he was bathing our son and I said he needs to keep his hands and eyes on him at all times in the bath and he told me I was being paranoid again.

There’s been a few other digs here and there but these are the most recent ones. It’s making me worry when I have to leave my baby with him incase he’s not taking his safety seriously like why isn’t he thinking of all the potential dangers the way that I do all the time?
I have post partum anxiety which he knows about and sometimes I think he uses this against me.

Grandparent wars

Does anybody have any advice with navigating the so called ‘grandparent wars’. Specifically my mother is in a constant state of jealously over my partners mother spending my with my LO. I’m constantly getting calls from her saying she doesn’t feel like a priority and she is frustrated but this couldn’t be further from the truth! I have always put her first and my LO sees her way more than his other grandparent.

I’m at my wits end now as I’ve tried speaking to her about this but she just doesn’t listen! She will be fine for a few weeks then she starts again!

Resentment fully kicking in!!!

Background - I have 3 children and have recently had my fourth. I must have some sort of ADHD because the smallest thing irritates me if it’s not done and as you can imagine with 3 kids and a newborn it’s a tough task.

I normally do it all, change bedding, clean, wash, get uniforms, make meals, plan play dates etc, you name it in relation to children, I do it.

I’m starting to absolutely despise my partner of 12 years, as he really won’t do anything without being told. Needs to be told to change baby, to get kids into pj’s, to do homework and all sorts. Reminder after reminder and I’m feeling soo resentful of his lack of contribution, like I’ve got a fifth child that needs telling. I’ve discussed this numerous times, explained that I don’t want to mother him… explained that I would love some soft girl life where I’m taken care off rather than feeling I need to somehow figure things out but no changes…

Every weekend I say I’ll do all the house fixing the night before so he can give me a lay-in (we’re talking until 8/9am max because kids wake up by 6:30/7). Again this morning he waited until I was annoyed, fully awake then went downstairs. Bear in mind he sees me bed hopping colsoling child to child, feeding the newborn etc, he still didn’t get up this morning. I’m soo soo fed up!

I can’t help but feel life could have been different, with a more attentive partner.

I’m the breadwinner, currently on mat leave and I’ve been non-stop. I kind of want to be at work just to not see the lack of contribution and have a “break” because I’m up from 7am until midnight non-stop.

I’m so done with this relationship, so done with him and honestly am just bearing it until I can figure out an exit plan. I honestly feel like if I don’t drive this relationship, we will just float around… this man has always lacked motivation but since I’ve taken the driving seat (someone needs to as I want the best for my kids, picking schools, homes, plans, holidays etc) we won’t have anything going for us.

Anyone else find marriage to be a disappointment compared to your expectations?

Husband with PPD

Hey ladies, has anyone here had the experience of their husband or partner having PPD? How do you handle it?

My husband is gone for work 48-72 hours at a time and then comes home often withdraws from the family. He was pretty depressed after I gave birth as well. Perfect storm of he had major surgery 6 weeks prior and was barely off crutches and so felt physically useless then wasn’t comfortable handling the baby so felt even more useless. at the time I tried to give him a lot of grace for it because it was all new.

Now our daughter is now 10 months and my husband is mostly recovered and back to work but still having these depression episodes. Like today he came home and was excited to see us but spent like an hour with us then went to bed and hasn’t gotten out of bed since. So I’m stuck with caring for our wild child, cooking dinner (that he doesn’t even eat), doing laundry, getting the pets fed etc and just like feeling burnt out that it’s constantly all on me.

Am I being a brat? What can I do to get out of this funk? He’s already seeing a therapist which helps sometimes but then he falls back into this withdrawal mode.