Resentment fully kicking in!!!

Background - I have 3 children and have recently had my fourth. I must have some sort of ADHD because the smallest thing irritates me if it’s not done and as you can imagine with 3 kids and a newborn it’s a tough task.

I normally do it all, change bedding, clean, wash, get uniforms, make meals, plan play dates etc, you name it in relation to children, I do it.

I’m starting to absolutely despise my partner of 12 years, as he really won’t do anything without being told. Needs to be told to change baby, to get kids into pj’s, to do homework and all sorts. Reminder after reminder and I’m feeling soo resentful of his lack of contribution, like I’ve got a fifth child that needs telling. I’ve discussed this numerous times, explained that I don’t want to mother him… explained that I would love some soft girl life where I’m taken care off rather than feeling I need to somehow figure things out but no changes…

Every weekend I say I’ll do all the house fixing the night before so he can give me a lay-in (we’re talking until 8/9am max because kids wake up by 6:30/7). Again this morning he waited until I was annoyed, fully awake then went downstairs. Bear in mind he sees me bed hopping colsoling child to child, feeding the newborn etc, he still didn’t get up this morning. I’m soo soo fed up!

I can’t help but feel life could have been different, with a more attentive partner.

I’m the breadwinner, currently on mat leave and I’ve been non-stop. I kind of want to be at work just to not see the lack of contribution and have a “break” because I’m up from 7am until midnight non-stop.

I’m so done with this relationship, so done with him and honestly am just bearing it until I can figure out an exit plan. I honestly feel like if I don’t drive this relationship, we will just float around… this man has always lacked motivation but since I’ve taken the driving seat (someone needs to as I want the best for my kids, picking schools, homes, plans, holidays etc) we won’t have anything going for us.

Anyone else find marriage to be a disappointment compared to your expectations?

in our community

What’s wrong with me?

My marriage has been struggling for years now. I just had another baby after falling for the lies and promises of change from an absent husband and poor excuse of a father to my children.
I’m left alone with 3 children to manage the house, the kids the meals the cleaning the shopping the drop offs and everything in between. I go days without showering or having to hold my toilet with no support as I cannot leave a newborn with toddlers. I’ve made adjustments like a bouncer in the bathroom and chairs in every room so baby is just glued to my hip 24.7 if I’m lucky enough to have a shower it’s with my baby watching me usually screaming. I used to have hobbies, dreams. I’ve tried filing for divorce, it’s a long story but for right now I’m stuck where I am.
I have just 1 friend and other than my mother no other form of support. I look in the mirror and I don’t know who the person is staring back at me. I fill with anger and rage and I want to damage something. I’m the worse version of myself and feel like I’m failing my children just moving from one day to the next. I’m not the person that looks like they struggle. I’m the person everyone turns to for help and advice when in reality I’m falling apart at the seams. A fresh blow dry, a blazer and heels and a fake smile. No one knows what goes on behind closed doors
I don’t need advice or medication I guess I just wanted to get this off my chest.

Need to vent

I’m sick to death of having to remind my partner to do things for me e.g wash the bottles/sterilise whilst I’m asleep as he works nights so when he gets in that’s one of his jobs but funnily enough I’ll wake the next morning to them still in the washing up bowl and all I’ll get when he wakes up is ‘I’m so sorry I forgot’
I just feel sometimes I’m overreacting over the smallest things but I do literally everything for him as well as look after our boy on my own 90% of the time.
He gets frustrated when he can’t get the baby to sleep and asks me to take over which I will always do but I don’t get that option I just have to deal with it?

Also I didn’t get anything for my first Mother’s Day lol and feel like I let him off easily but when these little things happen it just makes me think does he actually care about me?

Am I just being a hormonal pyscho?

Reality of marriage and kids

Just wondered if anyone can relate and this is hugely normal, or if I’m on my own.

Generally I take the majority of the household and family load - eg food shops, meals, cleaning, washing, school admin, planning etc (the list could go on and on). My husband does his bit but I’d say it’s mostly me that takes the lead. I can kind of get over that as I’m a bit of a control freak anyway, but I just feel under appreciated and a bit….unloved!

He’s never been great with gestures, planning dates etc. It goes as far as a cup of tea in the morning and that’s about it. He’s a bit of a stoic so it’s hugely generous with words either. And I massively resent it. I have for years tbh. Before kids it meant less as we had more time together but now it’s like….I’m doing bloody everything for this family and completely burnt out and I STILL don’t receive much in the way of love and affection. I don’t have huge expectations either, just thought and appreciation in however form would be lovely.

I don’t think he’ll change. It’s been nearly 20 years. Anyone else feel the same?

Note, he’s a wonderful dad and gives all his time to them, does pick ups, playing, bedtime etc. We both earn similar money etc so I’m not a SAHM. This is really about our relationship beyond the running of our family and home.

I wanted to throw the pancakes right in his face 😐

It finally hit me that my husband is very unappreciative of the things I do around here. Especially when it comes to meals. I do all the grocery shopping, meal prepping, cooking said meals, clearing the table, putting away leftovers, AND doing the dishes after. Last night I made shrimp po’boys & sweet potato fries & even added catfish to his per his request. Took me about an hour & a half to get everything ready. Fed the kids & made his plate. Went upstairs to change our 19 month old. Came back to eat my food (which was pretty much cold at this point). I wasn’t met with a “thank you for making dinner tonight” or “I really liked xyz.” Only a “here’s 3 things I would have done differently” and lists 3 things about he food he would change. And im sitting there like 😐low key wanting to knock everything off the table but I let him finish and I continued to eat my food in silence. This morning after being up kinda late trying to get our little one to sleep, I still managed to get up early to make breakfast for everyone. I cook and lay out all the food on the table. He comes down stairs and makes a kinda disgusted face & says “why did you make the pancakes so light?” 🫠🫠🫠🫠 not good morning or thank you for making breakfast. But why. did. you. make. the. pancakes. so. light 😐😐😐😐 I wanted to throw the pancakes dead in his face. I told him he could put them in the oven if they’re too light and now he’s giving me the silent treatment. Wtf.

RANT!! MIL & Partner

My partner told me that his mum called him and said our child is turning four and she feels like she’s never had her, whereas my family have. That’s not really true—apart from one time this year when our daughter stayed overnight at my mum’s because my partner had booked us a surprise one-night getaway, my family don’t have her regularly. My mum lives 40 minutes away, so contact is mostly FaceTime, and the only other family nearby is my gran, who lives about 10 minutes away.
My MIL originally asked to have our daughter on Tuesday, which I agreed to. She then changed it to Saturday, but I said no because we already had plans. She got upset, moaned, and said she’d just have her Tuesday then.

I told my partner that I don’t need anyone to look after our child. If I did, I would ask. I manage everything myself—I even take her with me to my brow appointments. Realistically, my MIL wouldn’t have her anyway because she works.

My partner then got angry and started shouting at me, saying that I often tell him our child hasn’t been listening or has been a handful, and that he’s tired of hearing it. He said I should just let his mum have her. He also said his mum is better suited to look after her than my family, and said my family are trampy and they can’t look after children properly. After that, he went upstairs, kicked some boxes on the landing, and said he was done with me🤯

The truth is, I don’t want anyone to have my child. I don’t feel I need the help, and if I ever did, I would ask. God forbid a mother can have a little rant to their partner if she’s had a stressful day with their child!😣

My boyfriend told me I'm making what I'm going through affect my daughter and I stopped showing up for her the way I used to. He's right. How do I fix this?

Super depressed and hopeless most days. We're in a shelter and I'm currently working very low hours. I try to go to school trips and stuff and I do pick up and drop off but we don't do much else because of money. We used to have dates and I used to buy her clothes and shoes and now I feel so helpless