Reality of marriage and kids

Just wondered if anyone can relate and this is hugely normal, or if I’m on my own.

Generally I take the majority of the household and family load - eg food shops, meals, cleaning, washing, school admin, planning etc (the list could go on and on). My husband does his bit but I’d say it’s mostly me that takes the lead. I can kind of get over that as I’m a bit of a control freak anyway, but I just feel under appreciated and a bit….unloved!

He’s never been great with gestures, planning dates etc. It goes as far as a cup of tea in the morning and that’s about it. He’s a bit of a stoic so it’s hugely generous with words either. And I massively resent it. I have for years tbh. Before kids it meant less as we had more time together but now it’s like….I’m doing bloody everything for this family and completely burnt out and I STILL don’t receive much in the way of love and affection. I don’t have huge expectations either, just thought and appreciation in however form would be lovely.

I don’t think he’ll change. It’s been nearly 20 years. Anyone else feel the same?

Note, he’s a wonderful dad and gives all his time to them, does pick ups, playing, bedtime etc. We both earn similar money etc so I’m not a SAHM. This is really about our relationship beyond the running of our family and home.

in our community

What’s wrong with me?

My marriage has been struggling for years now. I just had another baby after falling for the lies and promises of change from an absent husband and poor excuse of a father to my children.
I’m left alone with 3 children to manage the house, the kids the meals the cleaning the shopping the drop offs and everything in between. I go days without showering or having to hold my toilet with no support as I cannot leave a newborn with toddlers. I’ve made adjustments like a bouncer in the bathroom and chairs in every room so baby is just glued to my hip 24.7 if I’m lucky enough to have a shower it’s with my baby watching me usually screaming. I used to have hobbies, dreams. I’ve tried filing for divorce, it’s a long story but for right now I’m stuck where I am.
I have just 1 friend and other than my mother no other form of support. I look in the mirror and I don’t know who the person is staring back at me. I fill with anger and rage and I want to damage something. I’m the worse version of myself and feel like I’m failing my children just moving from one day to the next. I’m not the person that looks like they struggle. I’m the person everyone turns to for help and advice when in reality I’m falling apart at the seams. A fresh blow dry, a blazer and heels and a fake smile. No one knows what goes on behind closed doors
I don’t need advice or medication I guess I just wanted to get this off my chest.

hobbies

what are your guys hobbies i literally have no interests at this point i just completely lost my sense of self does anyone else feel like this?

Weening

I’m a chef by trade but never for a baby 😂 ok so I’ve been weening my daughter since 4 months old she’s had purées and has been smashing them since the first day, for her 6 month “half birthday” we made her a whole stake and she’s refused to touch the purées since, I ordered a baby cook book but it’s only got recipes for 10 months plus. Best solid foods to give my 6 month old? She won’t even eat the fruit purees anymore the stake has turned her savage 😂 thank you all! Xx

Overstepping in-laws or am I crazy?

I live with my fiancés parents as my brother is severely autistic so we couldn’t stay there, we are both 20 for reference and are looking for the right house for us to buy. My in laws will come and take her (my baby) in the middle of night without telling us and don’t see a problem with it, when I go to find my baby I often find her grandad naked in bed with her doing skin to skin and it makes me feel sick. I’m sure I’m probably over reacting and it’s a nice thing but it makes me so uncomfortable and when I brought it up to my partner I was told to leave it. Unfortunately they seem to think MY baby is theirs and it’s really stressing me out. They both keep making comments awww looks she can’t tell who her proper parents are, and “ oh grandma is just as much of a mum to her as you are” and honestly I’m starting to go down a hole of post natal depression and I just want to go back home to my family.

Need to vent

I’m sick to death of having to remind my partner to do things for me e.g wash the bottles/sterilise whilst I’m asleep as he works nights so when he gets in that’s one of his jobs but funnily enough I’ll wake the next morning to them still in the washing up bowl and all I’ll get when he wakes up is ‘I’m so sorry I forgot’
I just feel sometimes I’m overreacting over the smallest things but I do literally everything for him as well as look after our boy on my own 90% of the time.
He gets frustrated when he can’t get the baby to sleep and asks me to take over which I will always do but I don’t get that option I just have to deal with it?

Also I didn’t get anything for my first Mother’s Day lol and feel like I let him off easily but when these little things happen it just makes me think does he actually care about me?

Am I just being a hormonal pyscho?

Having second baby with a shitty husband

I have two children but my first child was from my previous relationship and my second child is from my shitty husband . I crave a third child so much but I’m torn between having the 3rd with him or leaving. Also been thinking so much of what people will say that I have three children with three different dads which I don’t want for my kids. He is a good dad though but shitty husband. What do I do?