What’s wrong with me?

My marriage has been struggling for years now. I just had another baby after falling for the lies and promises of change from an absent husband and poor excuse of a father to my children.
I’m left alone with 3 children to manage the house, the kids the meals the cleaning the shopping the drop offs and everything in between. I go days without showering or having to hold my toilet with no support as I cannot leave a newborn with toddlers. I’ve made adjustments like a bouncer in the bathroom and chairs in every room so baby is just glued to my hip 24.7 if I’m lucky enough to have a shower it’s with my baby watching me usually screaming. I used to have hobbies, dreams. I’ve tried filing for divorce, it’s a long story but for right now I’m stuck where I am.
I have just 1 friend and other than my mother no other form of support. I look in the mirror and I don’t know who the person is staring back at me. I fill with anger and rage and I want to damage something. I’m the worse version of myself and feel like I’m failing my children just moving from one day to the next. I’m not the person that looks like they struggle. I’m the person everyone turns to for help and advice when in reality I’m falling apart at the seams. A fresh blow dry, a blazer and heels and a fake smile. No one knows what goes on behind closed doors
I don’t need advice or medication I guess I just wanted to get this off my chest.

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I’m sorry to read you are going through this. Sending you virtual hugs 🤗🤗🤗

I get this. The one thing I found being a giver and not a taker was when I did tell people the reality I did have a support system I just had to move past my discomfort and be brave it's taken ages but I do have a solid support system even if only emotional, rather than practical but that I don't have to have a facade with. It means I can breathe

I'm so sorry this must feel so hopeless and surviving it rather than living it.

As someone who is happily out the other side it can be better but it's hard to make that change and rebuild. But when I didn't have the pressure of being fake and the relief of not having to be around ex, I did thrive and had more energy x

Try and try to do one tiny, mini thing. And build out from there. Take/demand time don't accept the other parent not engaging at all.

I went to the friend's house to have my shower leaving him on Dad duty. I just did.

Massive support and virtual hug x

I did the how to be a lady who leaves thing and had a plan when I couldn't do it straight away and that helped x

There's nothing wrong with you. We all have a picture in our head of what we want our lives to look like and its ok to want to try and hold on to that. At some point we all have to make changes and follow a different path. Just know that you're not alone and others are feeling as trapped, lost and alone as you, even if they dont say so. Things will get better. ❤️

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Idiot husband

I am fuuuuming. Livid. Hubby went out to the pub last night, not a problem, you deserve it after a long week at work.

We have a baby and toddler.. so I said, sleep in the other room, take our toddlers monitor, as I don’t want you to disturb the baby.

I wake up to my toddler screaming, WITH HIM SLEEPING THROUGH IT!!!! When I checked her camera she was crying for 8 minutes. She has been awake over an hour now because she fully woke herself up crying so much. Her words: ‘daddy didn’t come’

Needed a space to rant before I actually go and bop him on the bloody nose😡😡😡😡

Baby girl enjoying her first slice of pizza

I was just giving her pieces off my slices. She kept a screeching until I gave her a slice of her own.

Edit: she ate one full slice and the toppings off a second

Am I doing this wrong ?? 🥲🥲

My baby just turned 9 months old and I move had her on purées since 6 months. She’s now on thicker and lumpier purées but after she was doing a better job at eating 2 meals a day she’s now back to refusing food most of the time. She’d take a spoonful or 2 and I can tell she likes the taste but then she’d refuse to eat any more. She used to do this at 7 months I can’t believe we’re back to this again 😭😭

I don’t know what I’m doing wrong here… should I just go the BLW route instead ?? Am I progressing her too slowly into solids?

Nursery fund process

Can anyone please explain how does the nursery fund process work. I'm supposed to return to work mid September and I'm really stressed about what to do. When should I start looking for nurseries and how does the funding from the government works. I would appreciate if someone could explain in details.

Any WFH moms with little/no childcare?

I start back to work from home in a little over a week. My LO will be almost 4 months then (16 weeks). What are your best tips and tricks to make things go smoothly for you and for baby?

Weening

I’m a chef by trade but never for a baby 😂 ok so I’ve been weening my daughter since 4 months old she’s had purées and has been smashing them since the first day, for her 6 month “half birthday” we made her a whole stake and she’s refused to touch the purées since, I ordered a baby cook book but it’s only got recipes for 10 months plus. Best solid foods to give my 6 month old? She won’t even eat the fruit purees anymore the stake has turned her savage 😂 thank you all! Xx