How do I emotionally detach enough to co-parent well?
Hi all, I’d really appreciate hearing from anyone who’s been in a similar situation or has some wisdom to share!
I’m 26 weeks pregnant from an unplanned pregnancy with an ex that I had a short but intense relationship with last summer. We weren’t together at the time, but briefly got back together after finding out, as he suggested we do this as a couple. That gave me a lot of reassurance during a very difficult first trimester.
However, at 15 weeks he ended things after an argument and then refused to talk to me unless we arranged counselling, which left me feeling abandoned and distraught. We tired 2 sessions after the break-up but I was far too emotional to handle it and I decided in March to take a break from communicating with him, to spare the baby my distress.
A few days ago we met to discuss co-parenting and had a good, calm conversation, and he’s always said he’ll be there for the baby. We agreed to try to move forward like business partners and set out a weekly meet so that we can try to build something workable by July.
The issue is that I’ve realised I still have incredibly strong feelings for him. Finding out he’s started dating again (one date) really upset me and made that clear (she knows the situation, apparently). I’m not trying to get back together, but I’m really struggling emotionally and seeing him makes me feel awful for days, I feel much better when I have space.
The plan currently is for him to stay with me around the birth and for at least 3 months after (separate rooms) but I’m now unsure how to handle such an intense time with someone I still have feelings for.
He isn’t a bad person, and I know I’ve also contributed to things being difficult at times. I accept that he doesn't want to be with me. I’m just trying to find a healthy way forward.
TL;DR: How do I emotionally detach enough to co-parent well, and is it realistic to have him so involved early on (including staying with me), or should I rethink that plan?
Another question: he currently doesn't know this is how I feel, I am hiding it all behind logistics and anger, should I be honest with him about still having feelings?
Sorry this is so long..
