Would you be okay with a paternity test request?

I’d I’d been exclusively dating my now-husband for a little over a year. We were both in our 30s, both previously divorced, no kids, and living pretty busy lives. We had plans to get married, but hadn’t started living together yet at that point.

We went on a second cruise to the Bahamas and… drank a lot of Bahama Mamas 😅 He was actually planning to formally propose on that trip (even though I’d already been wearing the ring for about 4 months) - just so we could have that “proper” engagement moment and photos.

That same night, I ended up getting pregnant - completely unplanned, especially with the wedding still 4 months away. I took Plan B within 72 hours (the next morning), and I wasn’t on birth control prior to that.

About a month later, I felt unusually tired and tested positive on four at-home tests. We still weren’t living together at that point. I told him and scheduled an ultrasound - gestational sac was there, but no fetal pole yet.

We were both honestly really surprised by how quickly it happened. He had said he’d want a paternity test for peace of mind. To be fair, we had talked about this once while dating - he does want kids, but also said he’d want to be sure they’re his. I had agreed to it in case we were ever to have children together.

Part of his reasoning was that our baby would be “mixed” and might not look like either of us, so a paternity test would put any doubt to rest. I’ll be honest - that part didn’t sit well with me. It felt like a belief that may have come from his parents, who I’ve felt can be a bit biased. This topic had actually come up before while we were dating and almost caused a breakup.

Fast forward to now - I’m 8 months pregnant going into 9, and I do feel a bit stressed at times, like I should be prepared to walk away if I pick up on any racist undertones. His mom is generally nice to me, and I do wonder if some of those earlier views came more from his late father, who had strong opinions. Interestingly, once they found out I was pregnant, their attitude seemed to shift quite a bit.

Normally, if this hadn’t been discussed before, I think I would’ve been really hurt or offended. Even now, it still feels a bit… off 😑

For context - I did go ahead with an early blood paternity test at 12 weeks, and it came back 99.9% his.

Curious to hear from other moms:
How would you feel if your partner asked for a paternity test under a “trust but verify” mindset?

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I’ve concluded that this discussion has been taken contextually and specific to each family cause personally I can’t imagine being in that situation, for example. My daughter looks like my twin, I can’t say she has anything of her dad that’s obvious, but if my husband was to ask for paternity id be very upset and offended and idk what I’d do, it’s the insinuation that’s associated with it. People always say why don’t you do it if you have nothing to hide but asking for me insinuates doubt of paternity which further insinuates deception, but I know that can be some people’s reality.
I always say there’s nothing wrong with doing it for peace but whatever follows they must also be ready to accept it I.e. relationship issue or breakup

If you’d been exclusively dating for over a year and your wedding date was in 4 months time when you got pregnant, I’d definitely be pissed off at being asked to get a paternity test.

You’re a better person than me, I would not have complied! So it’s ok to sleep with me and trust me enough to marry me in 4 months time, but yet you still think I’m out here sleeping with multiple men in my spare time? 😤

My child is also mixed, and as a baby, was the spitting image of my husband. As she’s grown older, she has my features, just in a different font colour 🤣

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Would you continue a potential friendship if their kid keeps hurting your kid?

I recently met a woman whose child is the same age as mine. We’ve only met about two times so far. She said she’d like to meet again and suggested doing a playdate.

The problem is that every time we’ve seen each other, her child has been physical with my kid. The other day he pushed and then fell on top of my child, which made my kid cry really badly. Today we ran into them again and he hit my child on the head with a book.

Even though the mom does tell her child not to do it, it keeps happening. I also noticed that her child does this to other kids too. Today at the park he hit another child and made them cry.

But I realized something: whenever I’m around them, I feel really stressed because I constantly feel like I need to watch closely and protect my kid.

The reason I was initially open to the friendship is that we’re from the same country and speak the same language, and since we don’t have family here it seemed like it could be nice to build a friendship.

But now I’m not sure.

Would you keep trying to build a friendship and do playdates in this situation, or would you just step back before the friendship really starts?