UC/working/off sick

I’ve been in my job almost 8 years but I’ve now been off sick almost 2 months. I’m on statutory sick pay as I was off last November for a month so I had to inform UC about my change of pay etc. I had to go to a meeting yesterday about accepting my commitments. I’m so confused as they’re talking about me looking for work and then said it’d be classed as voluntary because my youngest child is now 3. I’m off due to depression/stress, I’ve now been diagnosed BPD, now on the waiting list for autism and adhd also. My youngest is now having to go to the GP as no one can manage him. I’m having to pick him up from nursery all the time due to him lashing out, biting, throwing, hitting the staff and children. I kept having to leave work where I’m on the verge of losing my job anyway. I have no one else to have him as their dad won’t and my family can’t. I can only work certain hours during the week so if I lost my job and had to find another I’m going to struggle finding somewhere with these hours, then if I keep getting called to pick him up when I’ve started somewhere new I really can’t see them wanting to keep me on. I’m so lost as to what to do at the minute, would the job centre keep going on at me about looking for work if I do end up losing my job and having to look after my youngest?

in our community

Please don’t judge me 😢

I’ve got a two year old girl who is my world, and I’m pregnant with baby #2 who I found out recently is a boy. I feel so, so terrible and guilty writing this but I want to get it off my chest. I’ve only ever grown up around women - I have a sister, a daughter, and I’m close to my mum. My husband isn’t that close to his sister and he’s close to his mum but not like I am. I really wanted to give my daughter a sister, to have the same bond hopefully I’ve got. I guess I just look at my husbands family and I worry that he will distance himself one day 😩 I know it’s so silly to think, but because I’ve never really grown up around boys (including cousins) I feel completely out of touch with being a “boy mom”. That being said, I’m so so grateful for the gift of having another baby join our family, a little boy who I’ll raise into a great young man. I guess I’m just looking to hear from people who might’ve felt the same or , who are close to their brothers 💛

My family was displaced by a greedy slumlord + we’ve been navigating the situation for four months. My daughter is about to turn 6 months. I’m so exhausted + I break down daily.

It’s an incredibly long + egregious story, but the gist is that my boyfriend + I moved into a new rental house the week I gave birth do our sweet daughter (our previous landlord unexpectedly sold our house last min!). The house we chose was sort of a “level up” house if you will + was very cute, spacious, in a good neighborhood etc. That was April. In May things the weather became warmer + we realized most of the windows on the main level of the home do not open. It quickly became too warm to be comfortable + eventually too hot to be safe for our 2 month old. In June she showed signs of heat exposure and rushed her to the grocery store up the street to cool her with their AC. I sat in the indoor patio section crying wondering if I needed to take her to the ER.

We relocated from to the finished basement where it was cooler but the stairs going down there were scary steep. Eventually, towards the end of July I fell down the stairs and bruised soft tissue around my spine, ripped off a chunk of my big toe nail + both of my knees were damaged. The stairs were so shallow that I had to turn my feet outward while going down them in order to have enough footing. With all of the relaxin hormone still in my body, my ligaments weren’t able to support my kneecaps + as I continued going up and down the stairs over a dozen times a day my knees became extremely painful, started to buckle + made a cracking sound as I walked.

We found out the finished basement wasn’t to code in tons of ways nor permitted. The city deemed it “critically unsafe” and an unlawful dwelling. I am overwhelmed. I don’t get a chance to nest at our previous home because it was sold + we had just begun to settle in our new place + everything was placed back into boxes + into storage. My summer garden had just started blooming + the peace I had imagined of spending time in sitting in the garden with my baby girl was also ripped away. Our pediatrician wrote a letter demanding that property management relocate us due to the inspection violations and they didn’t. The daily indoor temps on the main level were 85-90 degrees / dangerously hot for an infant. We had to pay for packers, movers, storage, Airbnb all out of our own pocket and it put us in debt. For weeks we didn’t have a home and bounced around with our 3 month old + two dogs every 3-4 days.

During this time property mgmt and the landlord have harassed us in appalling ways. The landlord called our pediatrician and alleged I provided a fake letter. 😳 the situation has turned legal for obvious reasons and every day from morning til baby’s bedtime I’m talking to lawyers, tenant orgs, cost of living assistance programs etc. I’m more than exhausted + so sad / angry that months of bonding / nesting have been interrupted by my contact need to keep property management from doing illegal things. Moving at 9 month pregnant was a nightmare. Becoming injured + not being able to hold my baby 3 months later has destroyed me. I’ve stopped sleeping, going for walks, eating — for three weeks now I’ve had such a severe eczema flare I’m on oral steroids.

Who leases a drastically out of code home to a family with an infant? My partner and I haven’t been able to work with the daily task of calling around for rent + food resources while balancing caring for our baby + making sure we don’t get screwed legally or financially by them. We both had successful careers before the baby and took time to pause + learn the dance of our new family. I’m sad. I’m overwhelmed. I’m to the bone exhausted. They’ve tried to do two retaliatory evictions that are illegal.

We finally found a new home but most of our stuff is still in storage because we can’t afford movers to bring it to our new place. I was so sick throughout my pregnancy that my escape was essentially mood boarding things I wanted to buy my daughter as she hit various milestones. We don’t have a crib, or a high chair or developmental toys or much warmer clothing. I was hoping we’d get our money back soon, but it’s clear they are trying to starve us into taking a low offer for reimbursement just to get us to go away. I will not comprise what we deserve out of this situation, but I also don’t know how I’ll keep going. I’m stressed about money every day. Community resources are overwhelmed by the amount of need for help right now.

My daughter is so silly and playful and I spend most of my day on calls and cranking out desperate emails trying to get social services support. At this point, I have no idea how we’ll pay November rent or buy essentials like formula and dog food. I missed out on all the summer fun / trips I had planned because of this. The Halloween costume for her that I had been eying for months is not possible with our lack of funds. I feel like I’m not present for her and she’s getting a stressed mama that gives her a bottle to be quiet down so I can email more resources. I just want to take her to a pumpkin patch. My boyfriend and I are traumatized by losing our home and all of our money while trying to settle in with our little one.

I know it will get better soon but I’m so burnt out + can’t afford basic self care activities that used to keep me sane. I don’t know if anyone will read this, but I needed to vent somewhere. I haven’t had time for mom groups I joined or seeing friends because every day is fight or flight and I’m too tired. Any words of encouragement would be appreciated. We’re getting closer to the other side of this but I’m running out of steam and resources while also grieving the lost bonding with my babe.

Toddler doesn’t listen

My son is 2 years old and omg his behavior has gotten worse. People think I don’t discipline him but I do he just doesn’t listen to me. I tell him to clean up and he’ll play around and do one at a time or moves it slowly in the box or throw them. I put him in timeout and that doesn’t do anything. He’s jumping around acting crazy during bed time and we tell him relax and lay down and it goes right over him. Don’t get me wrong we’ve tried spanking in the butt not too hard trust me but he just laughs and says to spank him 😅 he was at his grandparents house and they told us he wasn’t listening and throwing dirt at his gma but she just laughed and said he’s a baby. I don’t know what to do anymore or if it’s a phase or is it screen time that’s doing this what could be it?? Honestly it’s not just me in my household and he has many people around him could it be that he doesn’t take me serious or too many people disciplining in different ways??

Partners on holiday

What would other mums reaction be to their partner/father of their child going on holiday when their baby 7 weeks old? I know I will be completely fine, capable of looking after our baby whilst he is gone and she will be happy as ever with me anyways but I can’t help but to think he is selfish for even thinking about it and not just waiting until the new year.

Am I not pulling my weight as a mom?

I have a 3 month (14 week) old first baby. She’s had a very rough start due to her health, so we’re still struggling to get out of contact naps and tbf just contact everything and only just at a phase where she’s not screaming in pain all day and night to the point she won’t eat or sleep enough. She’s finally gaining weight and some days she’s starting to be just like any other baby. I’m mostly adding this for extra context, and should probably also say I have MS/epilepsy (for me it means I do struggle with fatigue and chronic pain so Im probably not as energetic as most.)

Lately my husband keeps making these comments about how he only had time to game for an hour last night, or how I just get to ‘be at home all day’ and then he takes the baby in the evening. Just little things about how he’s the one who has to work and then he ‘has her a lot’. He works 8-4. I do the nights because of this, which is about 3-4 wakes, then have the baby in the day. I can’t drive but we do try and go for walks, other than that I’m at home or her appointments. At 4:15 he comes in, I make him his coffee and his dinner. He showers, on Wednesdays goes to football until around 6pm, other nights sits with me and then about 6 goes upstairs and on his computer. He has a business from home too so he does some work for that or plays games (these don’t count to him as he says they’re boring games since he can’t hold her and play games like Smite online with friends.) I make him coffees and check in, often to make bottles because if he sees me he’ll say “have you got her a bottle ready” so it’s not like I do nothing or just ignore them, and then spend the time on the housework. Every night I was and sterilise all the bottles, tidy, do the dishes and laundry etc, shower and then take the baby back around 9:30-10 depending what’s needed doing. If he asks me to take her earlier so he can game I do. He talks to his friends on discord, games and does his business stuff then comes to bed. I try and help with the business stuff but there’s not much I can do and my days are taken up with a very unsettled baby who desperately wants to be on me. Some days I don’t eat until dinner. I try so hard to protect his time to game and go to football and get his haircut on the weekends and whatever else and I thank him for working so hard for us and tell him how appreciated he is but he doesn’t seem to think I’m doing enough and says all he does is work. I just don’t know what to do. I feel like I’m failing as a mom and partner. Please be brutally honest, right now when he mentions another child I feel scared. I’m worried I’m too selfish and destroying my relationship

Think my relationship is over

I think my relationship is pretty much finished mentally. There is absolutely no affection and there hasn’t been now for over a year. No sex, no kisses, no hugs, no cuddles. We are just roommates at this point with a child. Never go anywhere, don’t go on dates. We don’t have anyone to have our child and when I suggest a babysitter the answer is always no so we never go out just us anymore even though tried to suggest it to prevent the relationship from failing. I don’t know what to do but Im unhappy now at this point. I mean we are currently in separate rooms. Im at a point I don’t even want to be in the house with him or in the same bed at night. We don’t even act like friends never mind in a relationship. We have been together for 6 years. However when I have brought this up nothing ever changes. Ive tried to leave and he begs me not to leave which I just cant understand because clearly the interest in each other has gone. Part of me doesn’t want it to be over but another part of me knows what I want in life and it isn’t this.