So I know it’s fairly normal developmental behaviour but I’m struggling. My son was a dream of a baby but since he turned 1 one (he’s 20 months), life has just become so hard. It feels like a fight every few minutes. To get in the pram, in the car seat, for snacks, to go outside when he can’t, to change his nappy, to get him dressed, to get to things he shouldn’t. And I’m pretty chill. But it’s constant screaming and tears and thrashing and I’m finding it so hard, especially physically on my body as he’s a big boy. Me and my partner are fortunately able to keep pretty measured even when we went to scream ourselves and we are talking him through things but he hasn’t really started communicating yet. I’m not sure what else we can do, I know it will end one day but it’s making life miserable, we’re struggling to enjoy him which makes me sad and we’re struggling to do anything that we used to do because of the fear of it.
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Oh yeah, same with our 20m old.
I find asking him questions help “do you want to get in the car seat by yourself or do you want uppie?” “Do you want to wear blue or black pants today?” And use gestures as his communication is limited.
We also try to distract as much as possible during transitions. Snacks for the car or pram, books for diaper changes. Or if he’s throwing a fit physical movement helps. Like hanging upside down, throwing him in the air (hard to do as my son is 37lbs haha) or spinning real fast, those often get him distracted and happier in a pinch.
Otherwise we play music that he liked to calm tantrums and distract from whatever is bothering him.

My daughter turned two last month and has been like this since about 14 months. It’s not every day like it was but she can talk a lot more than when she could at 14 months so it’s getting more testing. However, it’s a lot easier to control as they start to understand a lot more.