Thinking about separation from husband.

Hi, so my son has just turned 1. He’s our only child. I’m really starting to think about separating from my husband. For context I had a really bad pregnancy with lots of complications, I’m suffering and in therapy for birth trauma as we speak.

I’m absolutely loving being a mum and despite the trauma and bad pregnancy I am the happiest and fulfilled I’ve ever been.

However my husband gives me no support. I hate to use the word but he is lazy. This isn’t about the mental load fully it’s just general help. He will watch me struggle and sigh and huff when I ask for help. Everytime I ask for some help/ something to be done I’m accused of micro managing him. I’ve tried to explain post partum issues ie hair loss (which got me down for a long time) and he just said “it’ll grow back”

He is the most amazing dad he is so fun and “hands on” but as a husband I’m
Not sure I can do this anymore. The days where it’s just me and my son it feels so much easier. I feel like I have 2 children sometimes with my husband and he just doesn’t understand.

I’ve spoken to my mum and his mum who I am very close with and she says that’s just him. He’s always been relaxed and a bit lazy. But now we have a child I’m carrying everything. Every day he forgets to brush our child’s teeth. It’s not a massive thing but every day I say please remember to brush his teeth and sometimes honestly it feels like he forgets on purpose 😭

I’ve tried to talk honestly and he just turns it to me being a bitch and not understand post partum. Ive sent him NHS articles about birth trauma etc and he just doesn’t take anything on board.

I’ve suggested trying therapy together but he doesn’t think we need it. He says I have high standards he can’t meet. Which isn’t true. I’m so relaxed and long as our toilets are clean I’m so easy going with housework. He just doesn’t support ME.

Just looking for a bit of advice because it’s bringing me down so much just now.

in our community

Am I a horrible wife ?

When we first met my husband was a stocky well built man which I love, but has gained weight over the years and looks so different. I have gained and lost weight due to pregnancies and he never has once commented on it and would always say he loves me regardless of size etc but I knew for myself and health that I would be losing the baby weight again. I like to stay active but he is too tired after work to go for a walk or swim which I get. I cook healthy meals. Do I just accept it’s the way he is now? I

Am I wrong to feel weirded out by this? A mom that I know rented her small childs bedroom to someone and then made them share the room.

So, I know another lady around my age. Let's call her "F". We were sort of friends for a short time. But she did a lot of things that I did not agree with. She was a massive gold digger. She lived with her boyfriend rent free (he is NOT the father of her kids.) And she rented one of the rooms out to her lady friend. I did not realize that that tenant of hers had the same room as "F"s daughter who is 6 years old. When I found out about it I was really weirded out by it. I think its wrong to make your child share a room with an adult. I also feel bad for the tenant. If I was renting a room I would NOT want to share it with my friends child! She also scammed her tenant when she found out that the "rent" that she paid "F" did not go towards the house. "F" just kept the money for herself even though she does not pay rent or utilities or anything. "F"s boyfriend was the one who paid for everything and who's name is on everything. So, that rent money should have gone to HIM. Not to "F". The tenant moved out after she found out that "F" lied to her about where the money was going. The boyfriend was also upset about the money. Apparently "F" gave him some of the money from her tenant in the beginning when her tenant first moved in but then stopped.

Am I wrong to be mad ?

I currently work 1 and a half days a week. And my husband works 5-6 days a week. We barely make ends meet. But we do it somehow. We have 2 kids 10 months apart. And I feel like I’m drowning most of the time. On top of having 2 kids 10 months apart we also have 13 pets. Yes. 13. Now onto my issue. The housework gets away from me during the day because my kids constantly need me for one thing or another. So the only time I can get housework done is when my husband comes home. He’s blue collar and cuts trees. He’s gone at 5 am and home 4/5 pm everyday. Saturday is overtime and my one full day at work as a cosmetologist. My family watches the kids Saturdays on a rotating schedule to help out.

I’ll finally have the house in perfect order where I don’t feel like I’m drowning. And then I make the same speech over and over. I’m not your mother or your maid pick up your shit.

Well as usual that never lasts and every few months I have to have someone watch my kids so I can deep clean the house but it’s always a problem and process. He either has to be in the same room as me to “make it go faster” or do only outside work because “he’s not good with inside work “ well it’s that time again. And I always hate it because it’s time away from my kids. I feel guilty for my family always doing me the favor of watching them and then I do most of the work and get mad. Now this has been planned my mom will take my older one and my younger one will be home and I’m cleaning.

Now to why I’m mad. I’ve been asking and begging for help and to come home and just let me do my thing. I have my night routine after dinner and now he wants to help fine.

But now that someone is coming to watch the kids he wants to also on that same day have a BQ with his friends. Normally that doesn’t bother me were the first of our friend group to have a house and kids. Everyone else still lives at home. But I told him countless times if the house isn’t clean we can’t have the bbq I can’t do it all.

Well now the text went out without helping me around the house. It’s a bomb. Both kids are screaming. And I literally just wanna clean. I’m not asking for him to watch them alone or anything. I literally just want a clean house. It’s for my mental health. And I feel like a shit mom when the house gets like this because it limits where my kids can roam to.

Am I just being sensitive ?

Nursery Inspiration

Our daughter will be in the box room- need inspiration what to do, decorate, add. It’s our first girl after 2 boys!

Furniture can all be moved 🎀

My boyfriend doesn’t like my mums new partner

My boyfriend doesn’t like my mums new partner (we live at my mums) which means he will not let my mum take my son out if she is with him, this obviously makes it hard for me because my mum is my only support. I have tried talking to my partner but he’s very stubborn and says if I need a break he will have our son (which he will) but my mum gets “upset” by this. However, when she is away from her partner she pays little to no interest in my son, has hardly even taken him out as she said it was boring and gives me little help wether her partner is in the house or not as she claims she is “not allowed”. But the fact is is that she is allowed but chooses not to as she cannot do things with my son, with her partner. Which is my partners point too that just because she can’t have him when her partner is around, doesn’t mean she can’t have him atall. I’m just looking for abit of support or reassurance really, I’m stuck in the middle. I’ve said to my mum this is our son and if he doesn’t like her new partner there is nothing I can do.

Lazy Parenting? Tell Me Why — Anyone Else?

I (SAHM) get really upset when my husband has the baby and he is crying. I will walk in to check on them and Husband is sitting down with Baby in his arms. As Baby cries, Husband is patting his diaper, but not doing much else. In my mind, Husband could be rocking, bouncing, swaying — ANYTHING! He says he tried all of that, but I’ve been hearing the cries escalate for 5-10mins; it’s not likely, in my mind, that he’s exhausted all of his resources in that amount of time.

It makes me so upset. I feel that he isn’t doing everything he can to comfort our kiddo, even if it’s just a bit of comfort to calm him until we can get the bottle prepared. I would, so why doesn’t he? It feels like an effort issue.

Help me out here. Alternate perspectives or validation appreciated.