I suspect my partner has been disloyal, am I crazy for messaging the woman and asking her? I never wanted to be that person but I just can’t trust a word this man says.
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The woman likely can’t be trusted either so I personally wouldn’t bother. I would go with my gut on it though, clearly he’s giving you a reason to not trust him.

She has no reason to tell you the truth. Is there another way you can confirm?

Yes it’s crazy. Let your pride get in the way please. If you can’t ask your actual partner and trust whatever he says, then it’s time to leave. Gracefully.